Feeling angry and wanting to cry

esmf73

Moneysaver - think you could have my kids as well???!!!!

Can't believe this - I can see that it is a shock to the parents, but it is something they should have been prepared for at some stage. Put your feet up and turn off FB and enjoy your time.

Am sure that you can find lots of lovely mums to help you on here xx

POPPYOSCAR

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Agree 100% with everything that has been said.

Can I add one more thing which was mentioned very early on, but which I think needs highlighting. STOP GOING ON FACEBOOK.

I feel very strongly about this. Whilst many people use Facebook with no problems whatsoever, I have seen it destoy families, cause arguments and rifts which take a long time to heal. Some people seem to relish posting tittle tattle about others and seem to have no compunction about posting quite personal details about their families. It takes one small comment to turn into something really nasty.

Save yourself a lot of heartache and REFUSE to have conversations with your family on Facebook.

Forgive the capital letters - I expect you can tell my family has suffered terribly from postings on Facebook!

Enjoy your pregnancy, your family life and do what you and your other half want. Do not give in to emotional blackmail.

This is so true.Facebook has caused problems in our family and for some friends that we know as well.

Steel_2

I wholeheartedly agree with what all of the other posters have said here about putting yourself first and not giving into emotional blackmail.

However, I think part of it is your seeking approval from your family. You mentioned that your brother always seemed favoured by your parents - I think maybe you have been trying for many years to win their approval, especially your brother's. You've become a people-pleaser.

What has ended up happening is you're being treated like a doormat instead of getting the respect your want.

My brother asked me to look after my nieces from the saturday evening, over night till sunday. I said yes. I shouldn't have done as i needed to revise.

You're telling them one thing, but doing quite another. It's giving them mixed signals. You told them you had to revise, they tested that by asking you to have the nieces, you said yes and that told them that the revision wasn't that important.

As a other posters have said, you need to look at saying no, perhaps doing an assertiveness course? It is not easy when you have behaved a certain way all your life to switch so suddenly, especially when you have family putting pressure, so you might find you need a little help. You are so used to wanting to be helpful you may find yourself agreeing to other things besides looking after the nieces to appease your family. That will put you right back where you were, with little time to yourself.

Make a plan for when you are going to have your nieces from now until the baby is born. Don't tell your family the plan because they will try and sabotage it to prove that you are not in control of your own life and they are. Instead you and dh use it as a guide to refer to - if someone rings and asks you to have the nieces, if it is on your 'plan' say yes. If it isn't say no. No big long explanations of why. Just a pleasant "no that doesn't work for us." In fact that is a great phrase to use when people try and emotional blackmail you - just keep saying it over and over, no matter how nasty they get.

Your baby comes first, not your nieces.

And stay off Facebook. You didn't need to update your status at the weekend to tell everyone you were not having a good time because of family. I know you want to make your mother understand that she is making you unhappy, but doing it through facebook is not the way. All it did was trigger unpleasantness.

fav77

Slightly off topic but I would like to thank you personally Steel for your post - reading your posts have helped me enormously recently and the list of emotional bullying types that you posted on another thread a few days ago made me realise that the situation I am in with my family is not entirely of my own making. I have thought that I was going mad at times with their twisting and turning denials and accusations and it was a revelation to see that I am not the only one this has happened to. I am also in the position of changing the way I see things and changing my own behaviour - I have resolved never to try to win others approval by denying my own feelings, and its largely down to lurking on this board.
This place is amazing and the level of support from complete strangers is overwhelming and goes a long way to restoring my faith in humanity
Thanks again, OP stay strong and make the very best life for your little family, without guilt and regrets xxx

euronorris

I don't have anything additional to add, because it's all been said already.

I just wanted to offer my support and a virtual hug ((HUG))!!! I'm so sorry you have been taken for granted in this way.

You aren't being selfish, your family are. Rest and enjoy your pregnancy and the quiet time with your hubby before your bundle of joy arrives!

xx

Hermia

*Louise* wrote: »

1- Avoid communicating with your family via facebook.

I definitely agree with this. I don't friend my family on facebook at all and I have my privacy settings set really high. Most of my family are fine, but there are a couple of troublemakers who I don't want to have more contact with than necessary. I just tell my family that I discuss personal stuff on there as do my friends so it's not suitable for relatives (my cousins do the same as me).

onlyroz

Firstly, I think it's none of your mother or father's business how often you see your nieces, and they should be politely told so if they bring up the subject again (whether on facebook or in person). The *only* people you should feel the need to discuss this with is your brother and his fiance - as they are their children.

And I agree with others that you are being taken advantage of, and it's ridiculous of your family to expect you to continue childminding your nieces to the same extent when your own baby arrives. Of course you still want to see them (and it's important that you tell your nieces this) but your own child must come first.

ema_o

Moneysaver, you are totally doing the right thing trying to wind down your responsibility before your own baby arrives. I agree with the idea of removing your mother as a friend on Facebook, you don't need the hassle from her!
You have done your nieces and their parents a huge favour in having them so often until now. I would suggest that rather than you having your nieces for the whole day (free childcare) once you have your baby, that you should invite them over with their parents for a couple of hours to play. Or all meet up in the park (if your brother can get off his backside and make an effort with his own children).

There should be no need for you stopping seeing them, it is just that you need to stop being fully responsible for them for so much time.

POPPYOSCAR

It does sound that your family have taken advantage of you.Unfortunately most families have 'issues' so you are not alone.

As others have said, think of yourself now.Having a baby is a very special time and don't let anything or anyone spoil it for you, and it is good advice to stay off Facebook it can cause no end of arguments leading to family members not talking to each other anymore.

Enjoy your baby when he/she comes along!!

S1976

Hi - I wish you were my sister, you sound lovely.

If I were you hun I would go out with a friend and have a cup of tea and a shopping trip or something like that - even window shopping and try to forget about you mom for a while - be selfish, because once your baby is born that's it lol

When I was a lot younger before I had children myself, I use to have my neices ALL the time, I sacrificed a lot for them including never going out with friends which resulted in me not having many friends - in fact now I only have one or two people I consider close friends and they don't have children so I find it a little difficult to relate to them. My family always assumed I would have them and on the odd occasion I didn't I was made to feel very guilty indeed. Now my neices are all grown up, neither them (my grown up neices) nor my brother have ever offered to baby sit or have my children at all since they were born - in nearly 6 years we have never had a day or night off at all.(As beautiful and good as my children are - everyone would like a rest every so often) What I'm trying to say is be selfish and do it now, if I could turn the clock back I would for sure have said no a lot more often

Take care and if you need a friend .... or fancy more babysitting let me know lol