Feeling angry and wanting to cry

confused76

you are not selfish, i hope you realise that by the number of replies to this thread! you have been very generous with your time over the last few years, unfortunately it looks like your family have come to expect it and not appreciate it.

please make sure you do make some time for yourselves, you have every right. your family should respect your decision! all the best xx

squirrelchops

Sounds to me like your Mother is laying the guilt trip on you about not having your nieces when what does she do????!!! She hasn't been the one to be giving an incredible amount of support it appears to me and hence is laying her guilty conscience at your feet.

Would your sister have your child as much as you had hers??? No, didn't think so.

Your priority is your family now.

daska

Having a somewhat antagonistic streak in me I think my response would be to agree wholeheartedly that I should have them at least three times a week and offer to have them in theatre the day of my c-section as surely your brother will want to go fishing that day, perhaps he could collect them when he comes to visit the new baby...?

Stick to your guns OP. Your nieces need to understand that you won't be able to see as much of them because of the baby but also that this isn't because you love them any less and that you'll look forward to the time you can spend with them even more. Keep them involved, send them 'birthday gift' to celebrate the arrival of their cousin, tell them when he does really big farts so they can laugh, when they come to visit ask them to fetch a wipe or a muslin to help you. They'll love being involved and will help them to continue to feel wanted, needed and loved.

honey06

moneysaver12 wrote: »

T My mum has posted that some people don't understand that children have feelings.

how utterly ironic!!! Yes, her own child (you!!) has feelings! and she is hurting them :mad:
Simply not worth continuing the battle with her as she wont see your point of view or understand, it will only upset/hurt//annoy you, and that isn't good for your baby or you.

i think you've had some great advice in the replies here
your baby will be lucky having such a lovely mum

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I suggest 'unfriending' and blocking certain people. All of them.

Then if she gets in contact to ask why she can't find you on FB, 'I deactivated my account because I was getting some very unpleasant messages from someone.'

Leave communications to be by telephone - and if you still get grief, you can block numbers so that all calls from those numbers are automatically rejected. You are then able to dictate when you are in touch with them until you decide to unblock them. Get in touch regularly and they might not even notice they've been blocked.

Saves you taking up the slack for someone else's inadequate parenting.

Jo_R_2

You know what? The more I come to think about it, the more I think you don't actually have to "explain" yourself. It's your life, you certainly aren't obligated or responsible in any way. If your brother phones up and asks you to babysit, I see no need to get into a big discussion necessarily. A firm but unwavering, "sorry, but I've made plans for the day/evening/weekend" is all that is needed, polite but to the point.

As a mum btw, I find that my DDs (aged 6 and 3) thrive a lot on just the anticipation of knowing there's arrangements for them. Like my DD1 can happily run on adrenaline for 3 or 4 weeks when she knows there's a party coming up!:D If it makes you feel better, and I see you do of course still want to see your nieces, why not make a plan a few weeks in advance for something you'd like to do with the girls; maybe that way it might help you feel less pressure knowing you have arranged something when you do turn down babysitting requests, and they'll have a fun afternoon/etc to look forward to even if they don't see you as much as they would have done previously.

I agree with Jojo, I'd avoid FB when it comes to posting stuff like you mentioned. No need to advertise any issues, it can give people a licence (ie your mum) to stick her oar in.

Edited to add: noticing the last line of your last post, you say your mum would never treat your brother and SIL the way she treats you... I think there is a bit of truth in thinking she will only treat you like that if you let her IYKWIM? Don't be drawn in to emotional discussions online or elsewhere because I don't feel it would be beneficial in any way for you.

sp1987

moneysaver12 wrote: »

Thankyou for your reply. I think that our nieces do get more quality time with me and my dh. I think that the main entertaiment should come from their parents. My brother doesn't even like taking them to the park.

That says it all. It is an honour to have children, he should not be able to have them if he cannot nurture and support them. Sometimes that includes sitting around bored stiff whilst they piddle about. Though I dare say the park is a real perk compared to some of the brightly coloured foam/rubber floored hells kids want to go to (I'm thinking of my future at soft play and getting quite scared!).

You do seem far too soft though. Being a good, kind and considerate person is all very well and good (I wish I was moreso rather than just to those close to me), but most people are not and will play you like a fiddle and take advantage. Be honest and they can all lump the consequences of their own inadequacies. It is hardly like you were providing essential childcare whilst mum and dad toured the country saving lives or rescuing cats from trees.. Dad sits next to a lake scratching his genitals of a weekend holding a metal stick. Lovely!

Stop being hurt by people who are trying to hurt you. People who spend their lives trying to upset others will be alone and miserable pretty soon, if not already. Pity them, frankly that is far more than they deserve. If your mother treats you less kindly than your siblings then it's probably time to stop explaining your decisions to save her feelings. If she has more time to sit on facebook voicing her ignorant reckon than spending time caring for her two granddaughters then she isn't the sort of person I'd want watching my kids.

Rockporkchop

I'm fuming on your behalf!

So sorry your family don't appreciate you - I know I would give anything to have someone like you around.

xxx

samandona

Not that it sounds as though you would, but don't let your brother look after your baby until his parenting skills improve!

*Louise*

Ok, in a nutshell from my viewpoint

1- Avoid communicating with your family via facebook.
2- Stop feeling guilty
3- Spend quality time with your partner
4- See your nieces on YOUR terms, nothing stopping parents coming over for a couple of hours to visit with ther children, don't see why you should babysit while they get the break (that your mother wants to deny you!)
5 - If anyone keeps on just ask your brother if he is going to babysit a day every week for the next 4 years for you. (He won't, just watch him run!)

My sister used to have my eldest to stay for sleepovers etc and a day out now and then. She has just had her own baby and my kids all understand that situations change. Kids adapt, a lot of the time it's the adult speaking their own minds and saying that's how the children must feel.;)

Your two nieces will be over the moon to have a baby cousin, and they are lucky to have a lovely aunt who wants to spend time with them. The fact the time will be reduced a little won't make any difference to them, but you really need to put your own family first.

xx