Disabled student with mental health problems having to quit?

caela_2

Thanks to everyone for their replies. Yeah, I got annoyed because I've explained myself and still feel no-one is really getting it. I don't know what people think I should do but it sounds like suggesting I drop out of university and go on employment and support allowance for the rest of my life. That is because since I've been in 'therapy' before, for years on end, with varying therapists and at the best institutes in the world and found it only made me worse, we can rule out the chance of a 'cure' and assume this is pretty much as good as it gets. I know it sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but I really am wondering what the long-term plan is here. That's what I'm thinking about.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

The suggestion is to stop doing something that isn't helping you and get treatment for your illness right now.

You would be surprised just how many people do 'get it' and are trying to help you move from the stage you are at now to one more beneficial for your mental health.

Therapy and medication might still make a difference, as many people prescribed medications have to try a number of them before they find the ones that stabilise their condition or even bring about remission from their symptoms. Moreover, just because you weren't in a position mentally to take on board the suggestions from therapy once, twice or three times previously, that doesn't mean they can't just click into place for you subsequently.

Any long term debilitating condition is hard to come to terms with, but reaching a level of acceptance of your conditions and achieving a realistic appreciation of your limitations whilst unwell can go a long way towards management of them becoming easier.

You could reach a point soon where you can feel less 'I must keep this a secret, it isn't the me I want to project to the world and I hate this me I'm trying to keep hidden' and more 'This is me. I'm cool with it. It's a pain sometimes but it's me', and then that would be a good time to look forward to interests you could pursue, up to and including resuming your studies.

It is a pain that you do not have control over your body/brain. Heck, if I did, I'd be some super duper megastar dancer who also has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Science at least twice. But you do have control over whether you pretend that the issues are not there or whether you accept those limitations and work out strategies for getting round them whenever you can.

The long term plan is therefore to acknowledge the situation, try and get yourself into a better frame of mind about yourself (it's very easy to get angry with everyone else for falling short of your expectations when the truth is actually that you are angry at yourself for not being perfect) and then you will find that you aren't left languishing on ESA forever.

Good luck. I am sure that time is what you need and there is no reason to suppose that you will never feel better - this could be your lowest point, but even so, could be the point at which you make changes that are ultimately the best for your future happiness.

bestpud

Are you really suggesting your only choices are continue at uni or languish on ESA for life?

Therapy very much involves being ready to change and able to take ownership of your problems and any improvements you could make. You aren't able to do that yet so I can see how therapy hasn't helped.

Unfortunately, it also means any support you receive won't be enough because other people cannot run our life for us or make us feel better long term.

I don't think you should give up on HE altogether but I do think you need to really think if it is right for you at this point in time.

I think a job would be better than ESA tbh but I think you are reluctant to leave uni as you don't want to face the idea of working. I can understand this if you've struggled with jobs in the past but it doesn't mean there isn't jobs you can do - you maybe just haven't found them yet!

I have MH issues and I know there are jobs that will never suit me because I have certain limitations, but tbh I think that's true of anyone to an extent. As Jojo says, it's about accepting who we are and working with what we've got rather than resenting what we don't have.

If you do go onto ESA though, how about trying voluntary work rather than wasting away at home? Or maybe a different type of course (I'm really not sure the OU is for you). It's not an either/or situation.

How about going to see a counsellor at uni and talking through your options and where you want to go in life? It doesn't have to be about finding 'cures' or overcoming your problems - you can simply focus on where you are, where you want to be and how you could get there? Say from the start that is what you'd like to talk about as it may help.

Is that an option, do you think?

eira

"Any long term debilitating condition is hard to come to terms with, but reaching a level of acceptance of your conditions and achieving a realistic appreciation of your limitations whilst unwell can go a long way towards management of them becoming easier"

Totally agree with the above two posts. Getting a degree is not the be all and end all for a career or satisfying work. I know it's hard to look at positives but you have said that you can socialise-it may be an effort but you can do it.You are obviously intelligent-another plus.These may seem small (although I think they are massive plus) but these are positives.

I've worked in counselling/behavioural support for years and I've found that benefits can be gained from a) finding the positives ;b)'internalising the locus of control' ie recognising the factors of behaviour/circumstance that are within your control.
As said before on this board ,Cognitive Berhavioural Therapy helps re-structure belief systems; OCD can be helped with behavioural techniques

Think of targets which are achievable-voluntary work can provide qualifications,experience and satisfaction. For example voluntary teaching English as a Second Language will also provide training. Don't know how you feel about animals but there's umpteen charities that need,for example, dog walkers. Fresh air,excersise and the uplift of a creature that's happy just to be

MrsManda

Sorry to butt in again but just wanted to wave a hand for volunteering. When I had to drop out due to illness I was also incapable of working. Just found it too stressful and couldn't cope with the hours I'd have to do even if I could get someone to employ me.
I spoke to my local voluntary service and started just doing two hours a day with a local play centre. As my health improved and I felt more capable I was able to increase the amount of time I was there and take on more responsibility.
Gave me something to focus on rather than wallowing at home, stopped me feeling worthless and meant that when I was ready, I had a recent reference
Helping others is a great way of helping yourself.

caela_2

I appreciate you're all trying to help but my gripe is people assuming that because I have mental health problems, all aspects of my personality are up for scrutiny. I find this extremely offensive and whilst I appreciate people recommending me to go for therapy etc., I have already stated I have exasperated this option. I should have an equal shot at university as every other student is given and this is simply not happening. The disability discrimination act also states that the university is liable to make reasonable adjustments to accomodate my disability- i.e. making contact every now and then and ensuring I am equally free to information that will help me complete my course.
I did learn one thing from therapy, however- never doubt yourself.

caela_2

Also, whoever suggested the dog walking advice and looking after animals in need.... I LOVE this idea Shock, yes, I actually took something on board lol. As much of a grumpy, whinny, little biatch as I am, I really think this is a lovely thing to do as I love animals (certified cat lady here).

I tried to work with a cat charity in the past, but they needed to place cats in your home as a foster and it wasn't feasible. I will look into local shelters or something- do you know where I can do this sort of thing to point me in the right direction?

MrsManda

caela wrote: »

I tried to work with a cat charity in the past, but they needed to place cats in your home as a foster and it wasn't feasible. I will look into local shelters or something- do you know where I can do this sort of thing to point me in the right direction?

You should have a voluntary service or network in your local area which will have volunteering opportunities and contacts. Have a look on your local council or county council website.

melancholly

caela wrote: »

I have already stated I have exasperated this option.

i share that exasperated feeling

bestpud

When I said about counselling the second time, I was thinking it may be helpful to go over your options rather than have therapy in the normal sense of the word!

Basically discussing the contents of this thread but f2f.

I believe you when you say therapy hasn't worked - it's very obvious why!!

Unfortunately, your attitude is the sort that often undermines progress for people with disabilities. Most don't want to be 'special' as that tends to sway things the other way!