Disabled student with mental health problems having to quit?

caela_2

I'm wondering if anyone can help me here. Basically, I am hoping someone can point out something I may have missed, because at this stage, I've pretty much resolved to quit uni and obviously, that's not what I want.

I suffer from mental health problems (ocd, depression, sleep disorders, etc.) and had already attempted university once, but failed due to health-related problems. I finally found a 'proper' job and after 8 months, I could suffer it no longer, so I resolved to finish my degree.

With my freshly gained inspiration and clean slate at a new university, I was adamant that I could maintain a professional attitude and take control of my life. I didn't, therefore, tell my university that I had mental health problems, because I didn't want it to be allowed to control my life any longer. I just didn't want it to be a dominating aspect of the new image I'd created and once people know about mh problems, it does kinda get brought to the forefront of things. Or, perhaps that's how I feel knowing they know... if that makes sense! I just felt it would be easier to maintain my new work ethos if I didn't allow that part of my life to take the lime-light. However, it came to a head when my work was slipping and my tutor managed to ween the information out of me and march me down to student services to get enlisted with some support. This was a logical decision and looking back, perhaps it was something I should have established sooner or not at all.

Well, since that everything started to slip. I can't say I don't half blame it for crumbling my new image, mainly because I felt like it was a deja-vu of what I've already been through. It kinda felt like instead of a new start, it was a repitition of my old mistakes. That and the inevitable fact that my mental health was going to catch up with me. My attendance went from regular-ish to out the window. This year, I have literally not attended one lecture.

Student support started off promising, allocating me the equipment I needed and even inspiring me to create a work space at home, helping both me and my boyfriend with our uni work. I was also offered support to help me complete my degree, such as study skills, etc. Where is goes down-hill is more to do with the tutors and the very simple requirements I made to help me complete my degree, which I cannot survive without.

My main problem is attendance and since I have a sleep disorder and motivational problems, getting to university can be impossible. I made it clear that I would need additional support since I was unable to attend the lectures, so in to the blackboard notes (online information), I needed to be kept in the loop about hand-in dates, workshops and finer details of things. I asked that all my tutors could be informed of my disabilities, so that I wouldn't have to individually explain things to them and I asked them to state the obvious to me, e.g. holiday dates, etc. because I probably won't know them. I basically wanted them to just keep in contact, because there would be times when I was unable to concentrate on uni.

This is where it starts to go wrong. They never contact me and whilst I am aware that students are expected to contact university themselves to arrange appointments with lecturers, etc., it's different with a disabled student who has specifically requested this help. It really is necessary to make this distinction. The longer I went without having word from uni, the more difficult and awkward it became for me to contact them. The last time I managed to muster up a call, I told my personal tutor that I didn't think my situation actually could allow me to finish uni and I would e forced to quit. She said if I thought that was best, I should do it, but really, I don't believe I should have to quit becaues of disability. I mean, I have the intellectual capability, I just need the right type of support. I don't want to sound ungrateful here, because I do appreciate the work they have done; but I just feel like people don't fully grasp the type of difficulties I have. So, whilst I appreciate the logic in stating that if it's not possible for me to continue, I should quit, the fact is it is possible, I just need help! Which is essentially what I called her to ask for! I mean, I even hadto ask her if I was still at university! I was obviously very distressed and I actually started shaking during the call, I was so desperate. It was a cry for help, I really had pulled myself together enough to make that call in an effort to resolve things and it felt like a slap in the face. I understand that she might not have known this, but her attitude was very callous.

I just assumed that it would be basic protocol to contact a student who you are aware has mental health problems and hasn't attended one lecture all year, even just to express your concern. I just sense a general nonchalance from them and it's infectious. Any motivation I had seems to dissipate into their lack of organisation much of the time.

One time, a tutor even compared my sleep disorder to her 'having to stay up all night marking and still coming in the next day', suggesting I should do the same. I don't avoid uni cos I'm tired for one day, I have a chronic sleep disorder that doesn't allow me to function normally. I'm not just lazy! I wonder if she'd come in if she had marking EVERY night? Cos that's more of a comparison. I think they just feel I'm being lazy. Their attitude is 'we're here if you need us, just come in or call', which is fair enough, but not if you're disabled.

They have given me a lot of leway with extensions and things, but at the same time, they're so laid back I don't even have the results for the work I managed to do last year. I mean, it's been a year and they haven't sent it.

I guess my point is, on the surface, they're doing everything they can, but it's all words and no action. I don't need extensions; you could give me all the time in the world but I still couldn't do the work if I didn't have the relevant support. I just need someone to keep me in the loop, keep me motivated.

I don't know if I have a case here. I mean, lately, I've started making notes of the contact I've had with uni. Everything is so up in the air. I asked for mitigating circumstances and was told to just 'do the work anyway', but as it turns out I was denied the extensions (despite the doctor's notes) and have been wasting my time when I could have been working or getting benefits, rather than getting into debt with a loan. I mean, it took them like 4 months to let me know about the extension. It's crazy.

To finally summarise, I've pretty much resolved to get a refund and quit uni. I think I should try to start up my own company, or just make some progress doing something else.

I've emailed my module leader to let them know and big surprise, I have to wait months to find out. I mean, it's the end of the accademic year, do they think I'm going to do all the work overnight and hand it in? I just feel helpless. I feel like they're making out it's my fault, but these 'faults' are part of my mental health problems and they really need to support me with it!

I just don't know what to do. Anyone?

Sarsie

Caela I'm sorry Honey but it's not that you'd be able to do this with support is it, it's that you're not able to do this yet, if you're honest with yourself it's just too much isn't it. To have not attended a lecture this year and to have not called your teacher isn't you needing support Honey, it's you needing to stop doing this to yourself.

I think you sound as though you're putting amazing pressure on yourself which you just can not take, then crumbling under your own pressure. Then not understanding why and how you have crumbled. I tend to find people doing this to themselves are terrified of being "her" whoever her is. I find people are frightened and desperate to prove to themselves that they are something, they are valuable. I find there's often a big dark nasty thing they are running from, running with all thier might. It's not about where they're running TO, it's about where they're running FROM.

Honey sign off. Do not re-enroll next year. Do not try to get a high flying career. Do something else. Something that isn't all about measuring yourself against an artificial yardstick. Status means nothing. It usually takes people a long long time to learn that (many never do). When you learn it though, you will start making choices for yourself that are all about what is happy for you. Not what will allow you to look happy to everyone else.

Consider psychotherapy to help with that thing you're running from too.

Maybe, just maybe, I see a bit more than I'm saying and I know a bit better than to post it. Or maybe, just maybe I'm wrong on everything coz I'm moderately mad. I leave that for you to decide.

Go write on the mirror "I am good enough as I am".

caela_2

Sarsie, thank-you so much for your message. I think you have some outstanding insight, perhaps based on the fact that we are not all so different after all.

Perhaps you're right or maybe it is as simple as needing some very minimal support in the right places. That's the thing with me, a little goes a long way. Someone could say something encouraging and change my life. Years of panic disorder was literally cured when a friend of mine simply asked me 'why?' when I was having a panic attack and I couldn't answer lol. On the other hand, someone could say something insignificant that sticks in my mind for years, making me feel insecure. I guess I'm hoping that all uni has to do is pretend they care and I'll turn it around. It happened before, my module leader told me doing all my modules (last year) in six weeks wasn't humanly possible, so I did it just to prove him wrong. If he hadn't said that, I couldn't have done it.

I think you have some very valid points, but I'm going to fight with everyone else to achieve my potential and I have the potential to do this. Whether or not I complete uni, I'm not resigning from life in anyway, although I understand, like you, sometimes it's about learning you already are where you need to be. I just like the challenge!

I can't tell if you've either made me more adamant to complete uni or encouraged me to believe quitting is the right course of action at this stage, but either way, you've got some amazing understanding and have certainly created a potent message. I definitely have something to think about now!

Sarsie

caela wrote: »

I just like the challenge

No you don't.

You do it because you are downright terrified of being "her", it gives you temporary relief from terror, bit like the OCD really, relief from the feelings of being out of control. Said relief comes at the exorbitant expense of stress, self doubt, obsession, inferiority...

So really the trade off actually gets you deeper in the schitt.

You'll keep looping the loop till you opt out and throw away every value you currently hold up as absolute and say stuff it, I need a whole new set of rules.

That day hasn't come yet then. It will, and then you'll start getting somewhere. You're not yet ready to let go of the comfort blankets and that's Ok too.

Maybe we're identikit cut outs of each other, or maybe this just happens to be the kind of thing I write. You need to feel understood, if it helps you to think of me as having walked a mile in the same shoes do so. If it helps you to think of me as something else altogether, this is equally acceptable.

One day.

Not today.

~ Blessed Be.

MrsManda

If you cannot attend lectures because you are not sleeping at the right time why not do a distance learning degree such as with the Open University rather than expecting your university to basically treat you as a distance learning student during a degree course which is attendance based. Ignoring your problems rather than accepting what help is available and seeing if your doctor or therapist can help you manage your condition better, is not doing you any good and will not help you get a degree.

As for your university contacting you because you've missed all your lectures, this may not even be feasible depending on the course you are doing. My course has a couple of modules where if I'm missing I'll be noticed because it's a small class but unless I have a lab or tutorial which is compulsory no one is going to chase me about it as lectures are not compulsory and some people work much better by just downloading the lecture notes or in the absence of lecture notes, just downloading the module timetable and using textbooks/online journals to work. Students are expected to ask if they need help as classes are often large and its impossible for lecturers to keep track of individuals.

I hope you manage to complete your degree, I know how hard it can be when you are ill but you need to find a way to learning which suits you rather than trying to learn in the same way as everyone else or expect people to change the way the course is taught to suit you.

The_One_Who

MrsManda wrote: »

I hope you manage to complete your degree, I know how hard it can be when you are ill but you need to find a way to learning which suits you rather than trying to learn in the same way as everyone else or expect people to change the way the course is taught to suit you.

This, basically. Also, definitely look into distance learning if you can.

Sarsie, unless you actually know the OP, I don't think you can really say what they are or are not capable of doing, whether or not they like the challenge or what sort of job they should be aiming for. It may take the OP slightly longer to get there, but that's not to mean that they can't.

Classes are usually so large that academics probably don't know who you are. They will not notice (unless it is a small class) who is or isn't there that day. Nor do they particularly care, unless lectures are compulsory. Students are expected to do the leg-work if they want help. If anything you should be complaining about the disability services because they haven't really aided you. If your work has not been returned then you should be contacting them about it. They can't help with something they don't know about.

caela_2

Thanks for your advice, MrsManda. You're right, a long-distance course would be perfect, like Open University, but the difficulty is that (ironically) I'm taking Psychology, so I'll need the BPS recognition that you can't get with OU which is annoying cos otherwise it'd be perfect. Actually, I think I might be wrong! Following your advice, I just looked up OU and BPS and it seems you can take the relevant course! If so, this is the best news yet :T I'll have to contact them to clarify, but it's looking good so far, fingers crossed! Hopefully I can transfer my modules too. Cheers :j

caela_2

Thanks for the reply, The One Who. The thing is, I literally called them 10 times to say I hadn't received my transcripts and in the end, after always telling me they'd send in it the post, I made them read it out over the phone.

It kinda makes me suspect they never marked my work, even though that sounds a bit paranoid. There was a lot of confusion and they told me they'd lost or misplaced my papers?! It was a bit worrying. It makes me feel quite disorganised and I'd like to know where I stand and be able to keep track of what I've done. I also feel a bit let down that I wasn't given my marks after trying so hard to complete the work (I had to do the whole year of work in 6 weeks basically). I definitely deserve to know what I got lol! :eek:

I'm loving this long-distance learning now though I've looked into it a bit more. It might well work!

bestpud

I agree it is the disability service you need to take this up with!

Tutors should not have to contact individual students when they don't turn up - I really can't get my head round you not going in and then sitting in wait for a call to tell you what you already know!

It seems to me you act in a way you think will get people running but you are an adult now and people don't tend to respond to 'manipulative' behaviour. And when they don't respond, you almost go into a sulk and/or feel nobody cares about you.

If you need people to help you organise yourself and make sure you have dates etc right then it is the disability service you need - it's just not something lecturers should have to do.

I'll be honest and say I wonder how you will organise an OU course? I mean, how will you motivate yourself?

caela_2

bestpud wrote: »

[FONT=&quot]
Tutors should not have to contact individual students when they don't turn up - I really can't get my head round you not going in and then sitting in wait for a call to tell you what you already know!

As a disabled student it's important to distinguish this as a special case, where it may not be beyond reason for tutors to make individual contact with me. I'm not sitting by the phone, smirking as the lecture goes on and waiting for 'that' call. I'm struggling to make it to lectures and have made them aware of this, so the odd bit of contact just to check in would be really helpful. I’ve told them many times that at times I find it impossible to attend lectures and they also take frequent registers, so know I'm not there. It's not a matter of ignorance and if it is, I have asked student services to make them aware of the situation so they should know.

Lol, as for the rest of your post I'm not trying to be manipulative and don't go into a 'sulk' if I'm ignored. I feel de-motivated on the other hand when simple measures aren't taken to help me when I struggle enough with daily tasks. Not to mention I am paying tuition fees all the while and getting further in debt! So yeah, I can get pretty low because my education is circling the drain, I'm broke and in debt and without the prospect of a good job at the end of all this, it can be pretty depressing. I feel crushed and every time I reach out for help, I feel it's rejected and I'm left with the blame for my own failure. I can accept that I'm responsible for this, I'm the one who has these problems so I must be, but I can't accept the blame cos it's not really something I can change. I've been struggling against the tide to get this far and just need someone to cut me some slack for once.

Disability services were meant to keep in contact with me and with my tutors to make sure I get sent relevant information, but this doesn't happen. I have asked them to keep the tutors in the loop, but none of them seem to have been informed. [/FONT]

Oldernotwiser

caela wrote: »

Thanks for your advice, MrsManda. You're right, a long-distance course would be perfect, like Open University, but the difficulty is that (ironically) I'm taking Psychology, so I'll need the BPS recognition that you can't get with OU which is annoying cos otherwise it'd be perfect. Actually, I think I might be wrong! Following your advice, I just looked up OU and BPS and it seems you can take the relevant course! If so, this is the best news yet :T I'll have to contact them to clarify, but it's looking good so far, fingers crossed! Hopefully I can transfer my modules too. Cheers :j

The OU's Psychology degree has always been recognised by the BPS, as far as I know.

What are you planning to do with this degree that you require BPS recognition?