CSA Re-assessment Advice

PinkLady2010

Hi Guys

Need some advice.

My husband (before I met him) had a one week relationship and a month later she told him she was pregnant.
He told her he wanted her to have a abortion and wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Well she didn't have one. I don't know all the ins and outs but think it got a bit messy because she wanted him and to have the baby then out of spite when the child was born she contacted the CSA.
I think the process went on for months and months and after paternity tests etc he was deemed the father and was forced to fill in CSA forms.
As he was only a young boy at the time he was not working so he had a nil assessment of the basic £5pw. This was back in about 1999. He moved out of the area and he said he paid the £5 a week for a couple of years then stopped paying it. He was living abroad for a bit of time since then.

He has never seen the child, he was told from an old friend that she had a girl but he does not know her name or date of birth or even where she is or has been living.
Well.........................10+ years later (last month) we get a letter on the door asking for a re-assessment.
My question is seeing as he has never had any involvment with this child can he wavier all rights so he does not have to pay any maintenenace?
He is on a really good job now, and we now have a young family of our own. We have just brought a new house and as it is for everyone things are pretty tight as they are.
I just feel it is so unfair that he should be made to pay when he said from day one he wanted no involvment and did not want this child. And before anyone says well its his own silly mistake, yes it was I agree! But he was a very young boy, should he be made to pay for the rest of his life?

Advice would be appreciated so we know what to go back to the CSA with. He is also on the old pre 2003 system.

AnxiousMum

Apologies to you that you are now dragged into this situation along with your own children. However, the day he planted the seed, he became involved, and in this case, involved for the duration of the child's younger years financially.

He 'told her to have an abortion', 'he told her he wanted no involvement'.......we don't know the circumstances of the mother of the child - but there are many reasons why a woman will not have an abortion.

You say he was 'a very young boy - why should he have to pay for the rest of his life'.......why should the mother have to pay for the rest of her life all alone (financially), she is already doing everything else all alone for the child. Why should the child, who had absolutely no say in who her parents were, had no choice in who would provide for her, suffer and lose out because dad jumped into bed with someone instead of going and getting a prostitute if all he wanted was a quickie.

If you and he split up - would you expect him to help to financially support your children? Whether he sees the child or not, whether he knows anything about her or not - he is still legally responsible for paying his child support. Be prepared for a bill for arrears for when he stopped paying.

It was a silly mistake, but young boy or not - he's still responsible!

PinkLady2010

She told him she was on the pill. It's unfair that she trapped him in this way. He got no choice in the outcome.

With me and him it is different, he is ten years older, we are married, lived together for 8 years and we sat down and planned to have a family together. With regards to financial support from him if we split up then no I wouldn't expect it at all! I have my own income, children do not stop women going out and earning a living themselves. If he wants to buy the children things he can I wouldn't sop that. What I would expect is for him to continue to be involved in my children's life.

Soubrette

If I had a son I would be banging on about how he has to take responsibility for his own contraception. You trust someone you've known for a week to take care of what could be the biggest mistake of your life? I'll bet most people wouldn't lend an old banger to someone in that situation but of course they don't mind actually banging her *rolleyes*

Is it fair on your partner no, is he being fair on the child, no. He may have a lot of reasonable excuses as to why he shouldn't have to pay for his child but in the end he did have a choice, he could have chosen to wear a condom.

Out of everyone involved the only person who actually had no choice is the child. I'm sure they would prefer to have had two parents that loved it rather than one that wanted it dead and one that apparently had it out of spite.

Sou

PinkLady2010

I understand what you are both saying and yes I do agree to some extent but he trusted she was telling the truth and that mistake has such an effect on mens lifes.

The advice I really want is, is there such a thing as being able to wavier your rights to a child?

Soubrette

PinkLady2010 wrote: »

I understand what you are both saying and yes I do agree to some extent but he trusted she was telling the truth and that mistake has such an effect on mens lifes.

The advice I really want is, is there such a thing as being able to wavier your rights to a child?

I'm sorry but no.

He's stuck with the mistake he made which was to trust someone he hardly knew.

However, even if she was on the pill, he has used a condom and she still ended up pregnant, he'd be stuck with the same mistake then.

Sex has risks and if you are a man no choice but full responsibility - like I said not fair but unfortunately fairness to the child becomes paramount.

Sou

Loopy_Girl

PinkLady2010 wrote: »

The advice I really want is, is there such a thing as being able to wavier your rights to a child?

Emotional rights? Absolutely...although be prepared in a few years that a young woman could be on your doorstep asking to speak to her Father.

Financial rights? No

The ins and outs could be discussed but ultimately he shared in the conception of a child so therefore has to contribute to the upbringing.
Also brace yourself for a sum of arrears since this case has been open for several years and he 'forgot' to tell them he was going abroad and then back in the UK.

Hopefully if you have sons you will be able to teach them not to be foolish like their Father and never trust someone you knew for 168 hours with sonething as monumental as birth control - 'very young lad' or not.

Loopy_Girl

You asked the same question in March (and the advice was the same!!) so am assuming that you haven't done anything with the letter you got back then.

Don't ignore the letters and don't stick your head in the sand...you need to get this dealt with head on. If the child is 13 then you may only have a few more years of CS (she may even leave school at 16) and at the very most you have 6 years to pay.

Whether he wants to 'waive his rights to his child' (what a horrible expression) or not, he does have a financial responsibility - even if the Mum got married or lives with a long term partner.

Bit of a life lesson here I guess which he can only use as a warning to others.

daska

10+ years at £5/week means you can expect arrears of at least £2,600.

clearingout

Goodness Pinklady - you're a mum yourself and you want to ask your husband to 'waive his rights' to a child he created?! You wouldn't expect your husband to support your children if you split up? Have you any idea how hard it is being a single parent?

Your husband made a mistake. He needs to face up to that. And so do you!

mum24boys

PinkLady2010 wrote: »

Hi Guys

Need some advice.

My husband (before I met him) had a one week relationship and a month later she told him she was pregnant.
He told her he wanted her to have a abortion and wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Well she didn't have one. I don't know all the ins and outs but think it got a bit messy because she wanted him and to have the baby then out of spite when the child was born she contacted the CSA.
I think the process went on for months and months and after paternity tests etc he was deemed the father and was forced to fill in CSA forms.
As he was only a young boy at the time he was not working so he had a nil assessment of the basic £5pw. This was back in about 1999. He moved out of the area and he said he paid the £5 a week for a couple of years then stopped paying it. He was living abroad for a bit of time since then.

He has never seen the child, he was told from an old friend that she had a girl but he does not know her name or date of birth or even where she is or has been living.
Well.........................10+ years later (last month) we get a letter on the door asking for a re-assessment.
My question is seeing as he has never had any involvment with this child can he wavier all rights so he does not have to pay any maintenenace?
He is on a really good job now, and we now have a young family of our own. We have just brought a new house and as it is for everyone things are pretty tight as they are.
I just feel it is so unfair that he should be made to pay when he said from day one he wanted no involvment and did not want this child. And before anyone says well its his own silly mistake, yes it was I agree! But he was a very young boy, should he be made to pay for the rest of his life?

Advice would be appreciated so we know what to go back to the CSA with. He is also on the old pre 2003 system.

Hi there,
Im in exactly the same situation as you. Before i met my DH he had a casual fling with a girl who told him she was on the pill. He only knew the girl for 6 weeks and slept with her twice. They split up because the girl in question was giving her ex partner my DH phone no and address and they were threatening to kill him and burn his dads house down. A complete bunch of nutters. My DH said goodbye to this lady pretty pronto and met me soon after.
When we had been together about 2 month she rang up and said she was pregnant. Like your DH he wanted nothing to do with it and told her he would never be a father to that child. Obviously she went on to have her baby and he had a couple of letters from her wanting him back.
The CSA caught up with him soon after and after a DNA test he was proven the father. We pay every month on the dot and have no arrears but my DH has been made to feel like a criminal.
From my point of view its a total nightmare. He never ever lied to me and told me as soon as he found out. We have got married and had 3 children of our own and have a very good relationship and 4 happy boys. Do we feel guilty about the other child. Yes. Have i made my DH ears bleed because of his stupidity Yes. You are at the begining of a very long road and its going to seem very unfair and it will test you and your DH to the limit. Iv never post before as others can be quite harsh if you NRPP and i dont want to be shot down in flames.

Basically your DH is going to have to pay whether he likes it or not. My DH said he holds his head high as he always paid so cant have that thrown in his face when the child turns up. It is not in anybodies interest when there is violence involved especially as it was the PWC who was passing info to her ex,to see this child its very sad really and we wish it could be different but PWC was told this but carried on anyway.
To make matters worse the CSA will take your child tax credit into account when making their assessment. We recently had a change of circumstances and now PWC is £15 better off a week, off the back of my baby boy being diagnosed with a serious health problem. Its outragous.
The best thing to do is pay. Never miss a payment, clear any arrears and co-operate with them. The consequences are very harsh if you dont comply, so dont go there.
I do ask my DH if he has changed his mind and want to contact the child and he says no. No good would come of it. It would be up to your DH if he wanted to see the child or not as long as it was for the right reasons. ie safety.

As i have 4 boys i will be making sure that this wont be happening to them. My eldest is 14 and already im using what has happened to as a example to him as i will to all my boys. Basically just because a female tells you something does not mean it is true and not to trust women when it comes to contraception. To rely on themselves to protect themselves because the outcome can have horrible consequences later down the line.