Help overcome paranoia

daz69kay

iamana1ias wrote: »

So that's why you prop up the bar when she is at work so that you can keep an eye on her? Very mature.

Thank you to Euronorris who has some understandind feelings....
At the end of the day i admitted i have a problem. You may not at least im doing something about it :-(

iamana1ias

daz69kay wrote: »

Thank you to Euronorris who has some understandind feelings....
At the end of the day i admitted i have a problem. You may not at least im doing something about it :-(

On a moneysaving forum?

You need to see a counsellor.

Zazen999

daz69kay wrote: »

she works nights and at home in the day IF YOU READ !!!!

I never mentioned nights or days' just time.

daz69kay

its coz i said im in the bar so wouldnt txt her..... im in the bar mainly coz my mates go out drinking. its our local .... soz 4 confusion

Zazen999

What you could do - is to be a man that she might actually want to be with.

Don't follow her round or text her all the time.

Stay at home whilst she is working and look after her child.

Take them both out for family days out.

Start trying to be something that is worth being with.

euronorris

Daz, ignore the nasty comments and focus on those offering advice and help.

The first step is to admit you have a problem. Which you have done. Next is to take action, which you are looking to do, which is great.

But, I also think that your gf has issues she needs to address and that some of her behaviour is exasperating the problem (the skirt incident for example).

I understand. I've been there, I've been a jealous girlfriend in the past. Sometimes it was purely paranoia on my part, but quite often, my ex's behaviour gave me good reason to be jealous and upset.

I've addressed this issue myself, but I also found that I had less reason to be paranoid with my current bf as he was worthy of my trust. That's not to say that, in the beginning, I didn't still have my 'moments'. But, over time, and because I actually trust my boyfriend, the fears fell away and I started to realise that I was worrying over nothing and being irrational.

It will take time, but you will get there in time.

DVardysShadow

daz69kay wrote: »

The texts i send is general chit chat .. hows yur day / im bored etc etc...
she says she likes me texting her and wants me too but i dont know if shes saying that just for me ?

I don't do texting if I can possibly avoid it, so I am completely out of touch with what could be normal or excessive. You have to make your own judgement. Which is probably hard.

But if you are texting frequently out of your own insecurity, it will go wrong for you.

euronorris

DVardysShadow wrote: »

I don't do texting if I can possibly avoid it, so I am completely out of touch with what could be normal or excessive. You have to make your own judgement. Which is probably hard.

But if you are texting frequently out of your own insecurity, it will go wrong for you.

The number of texts and calls that is 'acceptable' really varies from person to person.

My OH and I don't text that often anymore as we live together, there's less need. But it used to be anywhere between 5 and 20 per day (depending on what we were both doing at the time).

Some would find that excessive, whereas it wouldn't be enough for others. I think you just have to try and find the right balance for you, as a couple.

Primrose

You can start by accepting that you girlfriend is not your prisoner. She has a life of her own and if you can't trust her then do the decent thing and let her go or you will surely strangle the emotional life out of her if you keep continually texting her, trying to check up on her.

I once had a boyfriend like you, who was probably as insecure as you are and I slowly but surely began to feel the life was being crushed out of me until the point I couldn't stand it any longer and ditched him. Believe me, she will one day decide she has had enough of being monitored every moment of the day and break free. You may have a good reason for your insecurity but do try and overcome it. You shouldn't be continually texting her at work anyway. That is her territory, not yours, and if you start invading that space, you are giving her the message you don't trust her.

If you DON'T trust her, you shouldn't have moved in with her. If you do trust her, back off and keep yourself busy doing other things while she's working. It won't be easy to give her some space if you are an insecure person but remember the story of the canary and the open cage. If the door is continually left open and the canary knows it can come and go at any time, it will be happy to stay in the cage most of the time. If the cage door is continually closed, it will seize the opportunity to take its freedom when the door is opened.

Zazen999

euronorris wrote: »

Daz, ignore the nasty comments and focus on those offering advice and help.

Why?

How do you know that nasty comments won't be the catalyst that stops this person from stalking this or his next girlfriend?

No offence, but sometimes bad behaviour needs a strong response.

I suspect the OP chooses this type of girl as it seems to be a habit rather than a one off. It's all part of the game that he plays that fuels his bad behaviour as his descriptions all include his girlfriends giving him something to be paranoid about.

I am afraid propping up the bar so that you can keep an eye on her is NOT the basis for any healthy relationship. Someone needs to tell the OP that.