Help overcome paranoia

daz69kay

Hi,
I have been with my new girlfriend about 4-5 months and i have moved in with her and already we've planned a holiday in September. Me, my gf and her child.
She works in bars weekend evenings and i get paranoid all the time...
What she's upto in the day while im at work?
I get aggitated when she doesnt txt straight away
I ask what she's upto in a constructive way
I hate her seeing her ex partner even though its cause of their son and she hated her ex so bad.
I stay out every friday / saturday night in the club so we go home together.
I hate it when her mates ask her if she will come this place/ do this etc and she says yes withough seeing if were doing anything.

I admitted my problem to her and she thinks we'll get through it. At the end of the day she admitted last that we dont get on but she loves me loads and its just my paranoia. She said i wont but dont push her away.
Im scared of losing her i lover her..
What steps can i take?

DKLS

Carry on and you will lose her, all you can do is trust her, if she wants to cheat she will, especially if you start accusing her of it.

Keep communicating at all times, dont let your fears fester away, my cousin had an extremely jealous husband, who would accuse her of all sorts, after a number of years she decided that she was copping all the crap for having an affair so had one. And I dont blame her he was a tool.

euronorris

You come across as quite a jealous and paranoid person.

Are you usually like this with girlfriends, or is it only with her? ie, has she given you any reason to be jealous or paranoid?

I don't want you thinking that you're the one who has to change, if in fact, your jealousy and paranoia are justified. Not saying that it is, but I want to be sure first, otherwise we could give you completely the wrong advice.

So, for example, you say you worry about what she gets up to during the day, whilst you're at work. Why is that? Has something happened in the past to make you suspicious? Or, does your imagination simply run away with you?

DVardysShadow

DKLS wrote: »

Carry on and you will lose her, all you can do is trust her, if she wants to cheat she will, especially if you start accusing her of it.

Keep communicating at all times, dont let your fears fester away, my cousin had an extremely jealous husband, who would accuse her of all sorts, after a number of years she decided that she was copping all the crap for having an affair so had one. And I dont blame her he was a tool.

Although I would agree with communicating, I don't think this means for example texting when you are apart, unless something has cropped up or you have a good reason or the text is part of the routine. Obsessive texting will probably cause more problems in the long run.

daz69kay

My ex girlfriend of 6 years was receiving flirtatious texts off my good friend one drunken night out.
She wasnt going to tell me its because her phone was constantly beeping through the night i went to stop it and saw his name about 15 - 20 times.
My current gf is always on her phone on facebook. I recall one day my ex was on FB chat and i came home from work and said tell my mate "Hi" as she was on chat with him. She went all funny and said why? so u dont trust me? checking on me?
she turned of facebook and said tell him hi yurself.

My gf can be dead chatty when she has a drink and it comes accross flirty to men. One night she went out with mates as school girls and she took off her skirt as an apparent dare.. She couldnt remember doing it.
She has been treated like !!!! in the past and all her mates and family said shes dead dead happy shes found sum1 who treats her well coz i do.... her parents really like me and i know my gf loves me to death ~

daz69kay

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Although I would agree with communicating, I don't think this means for example texting when you are apart, unless something has cropped up or you have a good reason or the text is part of the routine. Obsessive texting will probably cause more problems in the long run.

The texts i send is general chit chat .. hows yur day / im bored etc etc...
she says she likes me texting her and wants me too but i dont know if shes saying that just for me ?

Zazen999

Are you continually texting her at work to get her the sack so that she can spend ALL her time with you?

iamana1ias

OP, you sound like a complete nightmare. See a counsellor.

euronorris

daz69kay wrote: »

My ex girlfriend of 6 years was receiving flirtatious texts off my good friend one drunken night out.
She wasnt going to tell me its because her phone was constantly beeping through the night i went to stop it and saw his name about 15 - 20 times.
My current gf is always on her phone on facebook. I recall one day my ex was on FB chat and i came home from work and said tell my mate "Hi" as she was on chat with him. She went all funny and said why? so u dont trust me? checking on me?
she turned of facebook and said tell him hi yurself.

My gf can be dead chatty when she has a drink and it comes accross flirty to men. One night she went out with mates as school girls and she took off her skirt as an apparent dare.. She couldnt remember doing it.
She has been treated like !!!! in the past and all her mates and family said shes dead dead happy shes found sum1 who treats her well coz i do.... her parents really like me and i know my gf loves me to death ~

She did what??!! That is not acceptable in my eyes. And a very dangerous thing for her to do, as it gives out a certain impression to drunk guys.

Going from your experience with your ex, and some recent action from your current girlfriend, I can understand your paranoia.

I think both you and your gf have issues to address here. You obviously have some trust issues that you need to work on. But, equally, your girlfriend needs to understand that going out dressed as a schoolgirl and then taking her skirt off cos she's THAT drunk, is not helping matters. I think she obviously has some issues from previous relationships that she needs to address too.

Sit down and talk about it together. If you love each other as much as you say you do, and you want this to work, you might want to see about individual and couples therapy (if possible) so that you can work through these issues together.

daz69kay

Zazen999 wrote: »

Are you continually texting her at work to get her the sack so that she can spend ALL her time with you?

she works nights and at home in the day IF YOU READ !!!!

iamana1ias

daz69kay wrote: »

she works nights and at home in the day IF YOU READ !!!!

So that's why you prop up the bar when she is at work so that you can keep an eye on her? Very mature.