Question

Savvy_Sue

I don't think 12 is too young to be out for the day with another family / friend: when we lived near Legoland and had a season ticket one year, I often took children much younger than that with me, BUT I arranged it through the parents, and it was my treat, although I accepted food / ice cream money gratefully and I didn't buy anything in the shop.

I'd have said "Yes if you've got £18, and you know where the bread is." I don't always have that much cash in my purse, as the boys have learned!

PolishBigSpender

shellsuit wrote: »

Did you miss the bit out where the OP wasn't asked by the other parents?


It's polite, to ask another parent, if you would like to take their child out with your child.

It's not polite for a child to tell their friend they can come out with them but it will cost £X amount, as it then puts Mum on the spot.

Some parents might not be able to afford £20 on the spot.

Some parents might have more than one child, and I can just see the others being happy (not!) when big sis goes out to a theme park when they have to stay at home.

It's not fair to do that at all.

I think 12 year olds are perfectly capable to arrange meetings without both sets of parents having to contact each other in advance. Those other parents were being kind to the child and they got slagged off for their kindness. This is not fair at all!

julie03

Loopy_Lobes wrote: »

As I sad above we use Tesco vouchers so the ticket prices are usually 1/4 of the price so to take one of our childrens friends is only about a fiver which we happily pay, but I guess not everyone plans their days out so carefully

we always do days out this way, i havent payed full price for a theme park ticket for a while, my eldest son always brings a friend and we pay for them but as its in advance it doesnt cost much. i think i would have said no at such short notice.

nm123_2

Problem is, just because you would do something one way, it's not fair to assume that other people would do the same. What is right and polite and correct for you, might not be for someone else. Never judge people by your own standards.

shellsuit wrote: »

Did you miss the bit out where the OP wasn't asked by the other parents?

It's polite, to ask another parent, if you would like to take their child out with your child.

It's not polite for a child to tell their friend they can come out with them but it will cost £X amount, as it then puts Mum on the spot.

Some parents might not be able to afford £20 on the spot.

Some parents might have more than one child, and I can just see the others being happy (not!) when big sis goes out to a theme park when they have to stay at home.

It's not fair to do that at all.

But why is any of this the DSFriend's parents issue? It's OP's issue, not theirs. As much as the OP thought DDFriend's parents should've called, she could've quite easily picked up the phone as well once DD mentioned it. And DDFriend's parents feel that their DD is grown up enough to handle her own invites.

(I don't have kids yet, but) I would always presume that I would be responsible for the cost of my kid's day out - whether its me taking them or someone else. Just because DDFriend wants her to come, why should her parents have to pay? As you say - some parents might not be able to afford £20 on the spot - so why the hell should DDFriend's parent's have to cough up for someone else's kid too?

And whilst I might be ok to treat my kid's friends because I can afford or want to, it doesn't mean other parents are happy/able to, so I would never expect it.

And it almost sounds smug/mean when you say things like:

Plus it was 10am, it would take her time to get ready, it's an hour way, it's a Bank Holiday and by the time they got there they'd only have time for a handful of rides! When we've been there before we're out the house by 9am to be there in the queue when the gates open, we like to get our moneys worth .

and

but I guess not everyone plans their days out so carefully .

Perhaps they did have their day planned out quite nicely until the two 12 year olds started messing around with it. Perhaps your DD invited herself and bujjered up the plans?

I think it's a bit unfair and ungracious in general to be getting wound up about this. Sounds like they were happy to accomodate your DD at the last minute and you're moaning about them for reasons that don't really stack up because you don't even know how the invite came about!

xmaslolly76

shellsuit wrote: »

Have you asked the other parents though, or have you let your child ask their friend?

Sorry shellsuit i missed that yes i always ask the parents if its a big thing. Just popping up town or going swimming (which is free for the kids round here) my daughter usually just asks her friends:-)

Threebabes

Loopy_Lobes wrote: »

This morning my middle daughter, aged 12, was asked by a friend to go to a theme park today. They said she'd have to bring £18 to pay for herself. I said no.

If the parents had had a quiet word with me in advance and said they'd like to take my child but really couldn't afford her entrance fee I might have connsidered it, but I was annoyed that they didn't square it with me first. £18 is a lot of money and not easy to produce at the drop of a hat! In general I don't think it's right to offer take someone elses child out but to expect them to pay for themself, If we offer to take one of our childrens friends out we expect to pay for them. If the parents offer 'ice cream money' which they usually do, we accept gratefully. We're very careful with money and trips to theme parks are usually carefully planned so we can pay with our Tesco Clubcard vouchers, I can't see the point of paying full admission price to spend hours in queues, especially on a Bank Holiday!!

I feel annoyed and I have a grumpy 12 year old. We are going to the local country park later (we have a season ticket for the car park ) and are now taking one of her other friends with us so she's cheered up a bit.

So, was I right to say no?? and what do you do in regards to taking your childrens friends out? who pays?

Ive got 3 kids, 14, 10 and 6. If I invited any of the kids friends along to a trip I would not expect them to pay for it, after all we invited them. Also if we were offered any money for treats I would not accept the money, again, we invited that child so we would foot the bill.

I wouldve said no as well, its was a bit out of the blue. Also if we couldnt afford to pay for the extra child I just wouldnt invited them along in the first place.

Loopy_Lobes

I did speak to them and said sorry we couldn't afford it this time and they were absolutely fine. I said give me few days notice next time and they said yes absolutely. I didn't clarify that it was the mother who spoke to my daughter while I was in the shower. Yes I was annoyed. I would have liked the parents to square it with me first. That's always how I go about things. I wouldn't like to assume people don't already have plans and will have cash ready.

It is good to be spontaneous of course, and we do try, but with 3 children it's pretty much impossible to be spontaneous and 'moneysaving' at the same time when it comes to these expensive theme parks. This website is all about Moneysaving afterall and this was the main point of my post.

Incidently the family in question have a season ticket so turning up at midday and only having a half day out isn't a problem for them. It was kind of them to ask my daughter but she/I would have spent far more then they do and I didn't think it was worth it.

As it turned out we had a lovely time at the country park, it's lovely that my 12 year old is still happy enough with a play park and ice cream. I'm treasuring these times with her!

Thanks for your thoughts everyone, I was really interested to read how others go about taking friends out. We'll still carry on with paying for friends to come along with us as it's how we've always done it. If it was a few days away or a very expensive treat I would ask the parents first well in advance if I thought they'd need to chip in.

xmaslolly76

Loopy i'm glad you and your daughter had a lovely day its normally the simple things that keep them happy in the end. Hopefully next time you will get asked first so she doesnt have the dissapointment at all :-)

Sharra

I can understand you not wanting to be the bad guy, and I understand why you said no - however, at 12 kids are capable of organising things initially themselves. Quite often my son would come home and say so and so has invited me to do x - that is the point I would call the parents and confirm details.
And I would always assume I would be paying for him, unless told otherwise.

brians_daughter

with us it depends where we are going and who the child is. For example we took ds1's best mate to Greece with us last summer and paid for everything (well, his mum gave him £30 for the week) we paid, and wanted to, as ds1s friends family are having a hard time and lost their jobs at the time so we could afford to pay so we did.

On the other hand we took ds1's other mate to alton towers a few weeks ago, his mum paid as i knew they could afford it. We provided meals, drinks, and the likes they paid admission fees. We would usually use clubcard points etc but it was a wonderful day and we went spare of moment - however, i did call ds1's friends mum to ask could he come prior to mentioning it to the boy, i explained we were going and as her son was at our house already we had room in the car but it was quite expensive to go.. she offered to pay his entrance fee and said she would be glad of the peace so we took him with us.