Question

Loopy_Lobes

This morning my middle daughter, aged 12, was asked by a friend to go to a theme park today. They said she'd have to bring £18 to pay for herself. I said no.

If the parents had had a quiet word with me in advance and said they'd like to take my child but really couldn't afford her entrance fee I might have connsidered it, but I was annoyed that they didn't square it with me first. £18 is a lot of money and not easy to produce at the drop of a hat! In general I don't think it's right to offer take someone elses child out but to expect them to pay for themself, If we offer to take one of our childrens friends out we expect to pay for them. If the parents offer 'ice cream money' which they usually do, we accept gratefully. We're very careful with money and trips to theme parks are usually carefully planned so we can pay with our Tesco Clubcard vouchers, I can't see the point of paying full admission price to spend hours in queues, especially on a Bank Holiday!!

I feel annoyed and I have a grumpy 12 year old. We are going to the local country park later (we have a season ticket for the car park ) and are now taking one of her other friends with us so she's cheered up a bit.

So, was I right to say no?? and what do you do in regards to taking your childrens friends out? who pays?

Hoopylass

I dont have children but I can understand your feelings. I think whats happened is your daughters friend has prob badgered her parents to bring a friend and they havnt been in the position to pay the extra £18 and thats why you have been asked to pay. I think when it comes to expensive trips they shouldnt be paying for extra people however like you said when its small things like ice cream, sweets and drinks then yeah they or you dont mind paying.

euronorris

If it's quite an expensive day (like a theme park), I don't think that it's unreasonable to ask for each parent(s) to chip in a bit.

But.....they should've discussed it with you first, as it's now put you in the position where you had to say no and be the bad guy (so to speak), which isn't fair.

I bet the other girl's parents just didn't think that through properly, so why not just mention it to them. ie, it's great that you wanted to take them to do x, y or z, but next time, could you please check with me re: cost before you mention it to my daughter so she doesn't feel so upset if we don't have the money at that point/so that we can save the money up.

fernliebee

I agree with you that it would have been better to square it with you first, but you know what 12 yr olds are like could her friend have asked in front of your DD and the parents said OK, but you would need to pay for yourself? Or her friend may have wheedled at her parents etc. It was nice of them to invite her, and if they can't afford to pay for her then the choice is yours and you need to feel happy in that decision. It was obviously made for a reason, as a 12 yr old she will have to cope with the fact that sometimes she can't do things she wants. It's tough, but it's life.

Personally I would offer to pay for my own child if someone was kind enough to take them, and look after them for the day, it would be up to them to accept or decline. If they declined I would like you suggest offer ice cream money to cover all the kids who were going.

shellsuit

It's not just £18 thought is it, it would be money also for drinks and food.

I would have said No too, and I would have hated the fact that I would have to be the baddy and upset my child.

One of my pet hates is when parents don't ask other parents if their child can do something.

My son went to a football tournament over the weekend. The manager rang me up and told me it was being held at X and that my son would have to be at Y at 8am Sat to be picked up.

Sat 8am, there was nobody at Y. Turns out one of the lads was told to tell my son they were now being picked up at Z, so son missed the mini bus and had to travel with one of the adults. I was NOT impressed at all, especially when son rang me Sat night and told me they weren't at X but somewhere completely different!

If it's just to go to their houses then OK, the kids can ask each other, but when money is involved or something overnight, a parent should be the one to ask the other parent, not the child!

Rant over

ciderwithrosie_2

Loopy_Lobes wrote: »

This morning my middle daughter, aged 12, was asked by a friend to go to a theme park today. They said she'd have to bring £18 to pay for herself. I said no.

So, was I right to say no?? and what do you do in regards to taking your childrens friends out? who pays?

I think they were inconsiderate not to give you any advance warning, so I would have said no as well - but they may have thought their daughter had squared it with yours already. However, I don't think you should assume they will pay for your daughter though, not to an expensive theme park - they are giving her a lift and looking after her for the day. Paying entrance fee/lunch/drinks/ice cream/small souvenir could cost about £30+ I would never send my child without any money
(even if the other parents have said they'd cover it) and I'd give them strict instructions to offer to pay for the ice creams, gift shop etc. It's just courtesy, but then that works both ways as in them not speaking to you personally sooner.

regards CWR

Mankysteve

I would suspect its Hooplass says it either wasn't planed to the last minute or there child has badgers her parents into to taking your DD. I don't feel it overly unreasonable for them to ask for £18 for the though. Your DD friends parent were probably hoping you'd say no anyway.

xmaslolly76

To be honest if i have taken any of my DD's friends anywhere i have paid but they have always bought their own money to pay so i dont mind so much it would kinda P me off when they take liberties and just expect you to pay especially for the expensive trips but then i would always give sufficiant notice of these things so they can plan. If they outright say they cant afford it then i will offer to pay anyway so the child doesnt miss out.

shellsuit

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

To be honest if i have taken any of my DD's friends anywhere i have paid but they have always bought their own money to pay so i dont mind so much it would kinda P me off when they take liberties and just expect you to pay especially for the expensive trips but then i would always give sufficiant notice of these things so they can plan. If they outright say they cant afford it then i will offer to pay anyway so the child doesnt miss out.

Have you asked the other parents though, or have you let your child ask their friend?


I think the OP is more annoyed because she wasn't asked by the parents, instead her daughter was and she had to tell her daughter No.

If the parents had an ounce of sense, they would have rang or called the OP and told her what they were planning ~ that way, if the OP couldn't afford it, she could have declined the invitation and her daughter need not have known about it, so wouldn't now be upset.

Loopy_Lobes

Thanks everyone It was lovely of them to ask and I would have considered it if I'd had time to think about it, but having my daughter bouncing up and down in front of me asking for £18 and a packed lunch at 10am when we're not even dressed floored me a bit. We have 3 children and usually do our day trips as a family using vouchers etc so paying £18 for one ticket seems an awful lot to me! Plus it was 10am, it would take her time to get ready, it's an hour way, it's a Bank Holiday and by the time they got there they'd only have time for a handful of rides! When we've been there before we're out the house by 9am to be there in the queue when the gates open, we like to get our moneys worth

My daughter went on holiday for 4 nights with a different friend last year and they wanted no money at all, they wouldn't even talk about money. In the end we gave them £50 'pocket money' for the girls which they accepted. Their daughter is an only child so I suppose having my daughter there kept their daughter company so it was worth the money.

As I sad above we use Tesco vouchers so the ticket prices are usually 1/4 of the price so to take one of our childrens friends is only about a fiver which we happily pay, but I guess not everyone plans their days out so carefully

Mips

I wouldn't offer to take my childs friend and not pay - money for Ice cream/treats would be welcome though.

I don't think it was fair that they put you in this position, and then of course you end up looking like the bad guy