Stuck in a rubbish life

sunshaeen

Please dont feel down, like a few people have said we all have days when we feel crap. You have a lovely child and you can do fun things together even if its just going for a walk or to the park, it dosnt have to cost money. You will be suprised how many friends you can make through school. A relationship isnt the answer if you are not happy in yourself at the moment. You will realise from the fact that people are replying to you on here that there is always hope and people to talk to and encourage you. x x

the_cat

I think everyone feels like this in some periods of their life. All those people you look at in envy are probably in turn thinking just the same about others. Its human nature to strive for what you don't have and to get that 'stuck in a rut' feeling even if on the outside you appear to have everything

The only thing you can do is to change it! Spend some time thinking seriously about where you want your life to be in 1,5 or 10 years. Write a list and include all areas of your life: work,relationships,family,health,appearance,hobbies
Then work out what steps you need to take to get to where you want to be. Make each step a small one so that they are achievable. Once you feel you are doing something positive to make progress, you will stop feeling so down

LJM

if your life is rubbish then change it dont wallow it isnt fair on you or your child. if you want a change it is only you that can do it

skint_chick

I've just read your post and it could have been me a couple of years ago. Before you tell your boss where to shove it you should probably think about your financial situation as if you walk you might be barred from getting any benefits for a while - and being even more broke probably isn't going to help you feel any better!

Have you thought about the usual single parent's clubs/kid's summer schemes - there's bound to be some other mums in the same situation with no spare cash or childminders that you could meet in the local park.

Also I would speak to your GP about counselling - I know you said you knew what the problem was but it doesn't hurt to get a referral to a counsellor to talk about issues with your ex etc so when you do meet someone new you don't have any baggage.

Money and a partner won't make you happy if you aren't happy in yourself - we're all in the same credit crunch situation so finding cheap things to do with your son can be turned into a fun challenge for you both to come up with inventive ideas. Maybe take some time to get your CV updated and figure out what you do want to achieve from the next few months. Do you have a bike that you can take to the park with your son? If not maybe advertise for one on your local freegle so you can do something together while helping with your mood and weight loss too - I started this with OH a couple of months ago and we ride our bikes together round the park then sit and talk while I recover!

I second everything the other posters have said, keep us updated on your thoughts and feelings.

jinky67

Millie2008 wrote: »

Please don't take this the wrong way, but do you think you could be a bit depressed? Would it maybe be worth a quick chat with your GP, if only to rule it out?

Sending big hugs as it doesn't sound like a nice place to be right now xx

I was going to say that as well OP

I know you said, you know why you feel like you do, but you havent the strength to do it, so I think you are depressed, been there done that

I am still struggling on and off with mine just now, so I know what you are going through

Please go and see your GP even if it is to rule it out

thistledome

Lonely wrote: »

I want a reason to get up in the morning and be the happy outgoing person i used to be not the miserable fat frump ive become, Im treated like rubbish at work because I do a menial job but Im actually very clever and could easily have a good job but i have my child to consider.

In my experience, jobs of this nature can destroy a sensitive and intelligent person's confidence and self-esteem. Add to that a failed relationship and loneliness. It's not surprising that this would lead to symptoms that appear similar to clinical depression to outsiders.

I used to feel like this OP and although it's not helpful to you, my life didn't change until I was made redundant and so was forced to do something about it . I took a year long (state funded) course that led to a much improved job and more importantly, to a feeling of achievement for the first time in years.

This was all a long time ago, but I remember that awful feeling of having a crap and empty life and "waiting for something good to happen" and it never did. You have to make something good happen yourself and that can be hard when your confidence is so low.

I agree with the comments about eating healthily and getting exercise, they both have a marked effect on one's well-being and self-esteem.

Also agree with the poster who said don't worry about being single for the time being, sometimes the kind of Men who are attracted to Ladies with self-esteem/confidence issues can be a bit :eek::eek: Of course there are some good ones out there too, it's just telling the difference can be a bit difficult when you're feeling down.

Not sure if this is particularly helpful to your situation, but didn't want to read and run. You're not the only person who feels like this and you won't feel like it forever. Best wishes to you. I'd send a hug, but they only have a pervy one on here!

Fang_3

Please go and see your GP and ask to be referred to a counsellor. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong, but it does help to have someone impartial to just listen and help you work through what you're feeling. You are not useless or any of the things you've said, you're just having a bit of down time and it WILL end. But please, first thing on Tuesday, make an appointment. At best it can make you feel a million dollars, at worst, you've spent 50 minutes having a chat. Good luck with it all!

helphelphelphelp

Hi there

Your life sounds similar to mine. Woke up last week and decided I needed a new job and changes to my relationship so have spent the last week applying for new jobs and have ended the relationship I was in. I too am a single mum so have to look after both kids on my own (9 and 1) making any social life expensive) but am lucky that I have very good friends.

Am always about if you want to chat

Hope things get better for you

x

Britwife

You've already have a reason to get up in the morning, your child and yourself!!!!

It's hard when getting out of a relationship because that is what you are used to. You're used to having a companion, be it good or bad. When that is gone, you do get lonely.

Get up tomorrow with a fresh outlook that today is a new day. Have a special meal in for just you and your child. Have a fun day of drawing or doing things together. Or out for a walk at the park.

I look at these things as speedbumps on our journeys of life. You'll get past it, but it will be in your time and you can determine that time.

You could always go biking with your child and that will help you get fit too!!!

Hugs hun

heretolearn_2

Hello Lonely,

I was where you are myself, quite a few years ago now. I know what you mean. At the time my life was all work, work, work, with little good in it (except my son). I was absolutely miserable in a job where I was being bullied. I had few friends. I had no partner. My confidence was low. I couldn't see any way out.

It sounds crazy but there were a couple of songs that I used to listen to a lot, that helped me keep going, and I just dug deep into myself and pushed myself out of sheer stubborness NOT to give in to this !!!!!! situation. I was determined that life wouldn't always be like this. I told myself that if things were this !!!!!!, the only way for life to go is to get better, it wasn't possible for it to get worse.

I started training. Then I was made redundant, which seemed a disaster at the time, but was a blessing in disguise as I found a great job I really loved. I don't understand now why I stayed and suffered so long in that other job. I felt trapped. I was in a rut. But it was the source of most of my unhappiness.

I think if you can, look at doing some re-training. I did the OU - it didn't cost me a penny, I enjoyed it, and it helped my job prospects when the time came and I had to move on. Don't wait to be forced on, you might spend years being unhappy at work, and it's such a major part of life that it brings everything else down. Start looking for a new job where you will be appreciated. Force yourself to have, or at least fake, confidence. At the interview for my new job I had to do a verbal presentation on a topic. Never done anything like that in my life. I sat alone in a small waiting room and I was so terrified I seriously thought about climbing out the window and doing a runner. and then I thought about just walking out past reception without saying anything. But I was desperate for that job so I stuck it out, did my best...and couldn't belive it when I was appointed. It really changed my life for the better in all ways. This is what you need. You deserve it. Go for it.

Once you have a job that doesn't 'drain' you (I truly understand that) so much will change for you. You will change in many ways that are positive.

Good luck and please please do something about your situation now it's got to this point.

10 years later I have had a great career, now run my own business, have good friends and live with a terrific man. It was a long hard road but every journey really does start with a single step.

As soon as you do something to take control of your life you will feel better. Feeling like a helpless victim destroys you. Grabbing back even the smallest control, by taking a decision and action, boosts you hugely. Find a course you want to do. Start looking at job ads and planning. Start working on your CV.

Best wishes,

x