Stuck in a rubbish life

Lonely

Im a regular poster on here but have created this AE for this post.

I am so fed up with my life, I feel so stuck in what can only be described as an existance and I really dont know what to do.

I have a child (9) and am single, I dont really have any friends and am not very close to my family, I hate my job with a passion and I never have any money to spare, I try and pretend Im quite happy but inside I just feel that the quicker thiss miserable life ends the better (I'm not suicidal)

I was involved with a man but we split and I havent been able to move on, I cant understand why though because I really wouldnt want to be with him even if I could yet I spend my time convincing myself that I do, he has got married to somebody else (very quick ! :eek:)

Over the last few years I have put on quite a bit of weight and hate myself for that.

I really want to get back in the world, I want a reason to get up in the morning and be the happy outgoing person i used to be not the miserable fat frump ive become, Im treated like rubbish at work because I do a menial job but Im actually very clever and could easily have a good job but i have my child to consider.

I just feel that Im watching everybody else live as though Im viewing the world from my window

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to let it out

richardw

Don't get it, why exactly is your life rubbish?
What is it it that you want that you haven't got?

Lonely

Hi richard, thanks for answering.

I know this sounds stupid but I just want some company really, I've withdrawn so much from everyone and everything that Im just completely alone.

My job is a major problem as it has undermined my confidence so much that I just feel useless, I feel trapped as its good hours but the money isnt great and by the time Ive paid my bills Im doing it for about 75p an hour.

I would like a partner but I have never had any confidence and I dont think anybody is ever genuinely interested in me, i always think they must have an ulterior motive.

I would just like to get up in the morning and look forward to the day but I cant remember the last time I did that, everything seems such a struggle all the time

Savvy2Be

Hi, Just wanted not to read and run. I feel much the same myself at the moment. Im trying to focus on a business idea to make life better for myself etc, but I totally understand how you feel ..sending a hug x

geri1965_2

Is it possible to arrange childcare so you could study at night school, with a view to obtain some kind of qualification which might help you get a better job? If that's not possible, what about the Open University? It sounds as if your menial job is not stimulating you mentally, which is leading to feelings of dissatisfaction.

A night class of any description, even if it's not academic, might lead to meeting new people.

Millie2008_2

Please don't take this the wrong way, but do you think you could be a bit depressed? Would it maybe be worth a quick chat with your GP, if only to rule it out?

Sending big hugs as it doesn't sound like a nice place to be right now xx

Paulie'sGirl

Hi,

I sometimes feel this way too. Have you considered having a talk to your Doctor. Not necessarily in terms of medication or anything (unless you feel you are depressed, and your doc can help you ascertain that, they use a sort of quiz these days) but more for counselling?

They can refer you to their surgery counsellor who can help you work through why you feel certain ways, and help you to change the way you think a little so as to be more like you want to be (whatever that may be).

I have to admit to huge prejudice against the idea initially, and found the idea of baring my soul to a stranger very scary, but I'm so glad I went through with it. She's really helping me to realise things about the way I do things, and how to counter it.

Remember to tackle one area at a time or you'll become even more disheartened. None of us can do everything all at once - we're only human.

One final idea, have you considered your local careers advice service, they may be able to help you find a better position where you'd feel more fulfilled, but still with the hours to suit your child.

Big hugs,

PGxx

jennihen

It won't always be like this. As your child gets older and becomes less dependant you will be able to concentrate more on yourself and fulfilling your needs.
I remember feeling like you do but now that my children are so much older and my work situation had improved I feel so much better.
It was all part of my 5 year plan -I laughed at the idea at first but after some thought about how I wanted my life to be I was able to put in place some changes to help me acheive those goals.
Its worth giving it a try.

Lonely

thanks for the replies.

I dont think I am depressed because I know exactly what is making me feel this way and if I changed things then I wouldn't but im also really angry with myself for allowing this to happen to me, I know I should just tell my work to stick it and I think thats what Im going to do, since I started this job it has completely altered my personality, I am so grouchy all the time because we really are treated like dirt.

I have lost my friends because I am never happy anymore, Im quite a solitary person anyway but I do like people being around.

People seem to have phased me out of their lives and moved on without me but Im still stuck back where they left me, i dont blame them atall - i dont like me anymore so I dont know why anybody else would either.

For the first time in my life I am scared to make a change (job) - they really have sucked all the life out of me, Ive never been like this before and my poor child gets the brunt of it, Im always moaning about something or other, poor thing - I hate them for that, its not even as if I earn good money to make our lives happier, Ive made it miserable for absolutely no gain

Danstar_2

When me and my last girlfriend split up, about 3 years ago, I got really downhearted. In honestly it was pathetic of me as I am very fortunate and young living at home with parents at home. They so alot for me and Im really grateful forbthe headstrt in life I have. It was just a case of a broken teenage heart.

The way I got over it was through exercise. Believe me it is the cure for all. I did have alot more free time than you and you have a child to look after but I exercised at least once a day. I ended up in a routine of doing (not all of it but a mix) farleks in the morning, long jog at night and a bike ride in the day. Bare in mind at my age life is one big weekend but still the rush from exercising cab quickly pick you up and I try to stay fit now still. I'm rarely ill most of the time I'm pretty happy. I do have my moments like everyone but generally feel pretty good.

So when you can get that exercise in. If you can do something everyday once you get over feeling tired or unfit at the start you'll end up craving exercise like a drug waiting for your next hit.

It will motivate you and give you more confidence to maybe ask for a promotion or in a job interview as good looking people do well in interviews and have the added boost of sorting out your body worries. As long as you don't binge on calories you'll be in great shape. Remember nothing tastes as good as being fit feels.

I hope that helps. I can't compare to being in your shoes and know you're far more constrained for toke and responsibility than I was but if you can do it you will feel so much better for it. Also look at getting a TrionZ bracelet. I swear by mine.

Hope I've helped. Xx

xmaslolly76

I have been there done that unfortunately there is no magical cure life will not come to you you ahve to go out and grab it with both hands. Sounds like you need to rebuild your confidence first if you feel your weight is a problem focus on that first get some excersise and start a healthy eating plan these two things in themselves will make you feel alot better and weight loss is an added bonus which boosts the feeling. Plus if you can get out to excersise you will be meeting new people. Their is a local walking group by us all walks of life some with kids who go along some without, old and young alike maybe there is something like that near you. Once your feeling better about yourself then take a look at your work life and see how you can improve that. It is all one step at a time but you will get there and you will feel so much better for doing something contructive about your situation :-)