Hubby flirting with ex-girlfriend and I just found out - thoughts please

Zazen999

missmontana wrote: »

He hasn't gone running to her, he's just sent a few texts, don't make a bigger deal out of it than it actually is.

Precisely.

I said that she needs to explore why he went to her. It might be a small reason, it might not. If HE has instigated this then she needs to find out why.

But asking on an internet forum isn't going to get an answer.

I'm not making a bit deal out of it; the OP is.

DVardysShadow

1. Do not underestimate what has happened
2. Do not over react

I have the impression that you are setting out to give him a hard time, possibly because you think it is the done thing and he is expecting a hard time for his own reasons.

Have a good think about what you want to happen here, what outcomes you want, because giving him a hard time should not be an end in itself.

Jinx

Zazen999 wrote: »

Precisely.


I'm not making a bit deal out of it; the OP is.

Correct. Im making a big deal of it cos hes hidden it from me, then tried to lie about it. Because when I have a tiff with my other half I dont go running to my last boyfriend. Because he clearly knows hes in the 'wrong' or why else would he have deleted the inbox and never mentioned chats with a friend. Because Ive been married 5 minutes and hes been speaking/flirting/sending kisses to another women for 4 of those 5 minutes!

And although it has been text messaging theyve been chatting either on skype or msn on at least 3 occasions in April judging from what I found last night. And this has either been when I've been out or when I've been in bed (we keep slightly diff hours). I've been having a rummage this morning, something I have NEVER done.... shes not on his facebook or email contacts and I have no idea if he has kept her number all along, thats possible, but then that wouldnt have been an issue.....until now that is!

And in a really selfish mode, yes I absolutely want to lash out and hurt him as hes hurt me

elvis86

You're obviously not giving him what he wants/needs if he has to look elsewhere after 6 months of marriage...:cool: You sound like a nightmare anyway, if I were him I'd be more angry with you for noseying through my phone.:eek:

richardw

Jinx wrote: »

I've been with my partner 5 years, married for 6 months. Last night while playing around with his mobile

Do you read his e mails aswell?

mackemdave

elvis86 wrote: »

You're obviously not giving him what he wants/needs if he has to look elsewhere after 6 months of marriage...:cool: You sound like a nightmare anyway, if I were him I'd be more angry with you for noseying through my phone.:eek:

What a PRAT you are....Lonely and single????

bluebeary

i hope your reading too much into this, maybe theyre just friends and she is his ex for a reason after all

when i met my partner, i knew he was still in touch with his ex and shes really flirty character and very friendly with me on the phone too

after about eight years apart she visited and we all went on holiday together, shes totally wild, incidently i got on better with her than he did, they fought non stop and i had to play mediator between them

pinkshoes

Exes are exes for a reason! That's why he's with you!

I'm friends with lots of my exes. They're nice people. it just didn't work as a couple. I email some every now and then to keep in touch, as it's nice to know what they're up to, and i'm pleased to know they're happy. I don't tell my OH every time I send an email or text.

The guy has said he's sorry. I think you are over reacting to this a bit. He happily let you read his phone, and perhaps he lied because he knew you were going to over-react. Do you have any underlying feelings of insecurity about your relationship, perhaps stemming back to the argument just after you got married?

Moody_Mare

I do not think you are over reacting, if he had been honest with you in the first place then fair enough but the fact he had hidden her identity in the phone does appear odd. If it were me I would email her from his email address saying I had a recent STD and she might like to get checked. Then sit back and see if she hits the roof, if she panicks then you know they have been at it so to speak. Either that or phone her yourself and arrange a coffee some where so you can guage her reaction to their friendship. Some may not like the first option which is devious but you would know then for sure it he had been playing away.

Jinx

Thank you all soooo much for the support, I really appreciate it :j

For those who think I am a snoop or my husband needs to go elsewhere, get a grip and get a life.... I am not and refuse to be that type of person, paranoia doesnt suit me

Hubby and I have had a chat (read that as I ranted while he apologised profusely and explained all). And I did ask him if he would be happy should the situation would be reversed and he would not! (funny that lol) I showed him this thread and he wrote me a big spiel which explained a lot (hes had a stressful time of it lately) and hopefully we can now move on. I wont copy it as its very personal...

I will however, bear in mind the revenge tactics mentioned, should the need ever arise. :D:D

A big thank you from a much calmer happier Jinx :T