Hubby flirting with ex-girlfriend and I just found out - thoughts please

Jinx

I've been with my partner 5 years, married for 6 months. Last night while playing around with his mobile while he got the drinks in I realised he had been sending messages to an 'unknown' mobile number. The messages were arranging chats and had smiley faces and kisses..........(please dont comment on me checking his phone, wasnt looking or expecting to find anything and he reads my messages for jokes all the time):mad::mad::mad:

As soon as he got back I asked who it was and he named his previous gf... First he said they were old messages (changed back to old phone recently). But the dates were last month so then he said he wanted some advice when we fell out not long after the wedding. I told him he had no need to keep in touch for 5 months in secret and that he is in deep trouble and I will speak to him later about this (we were in public)

I am livid!!! I didn't know he was in touch with this woman although if I had known it wouldnt have been such a big deal, however he's understandably not keen if he hears someone from my past has got in touch. Oh, and his first thought was to lie about it...I don't hide anything/anyone from him.

Just before I typed this this morning, Hes just popped his head round the door and said 'I realise that getting in touch with my ex-girlfriend was a mistake- I'm sorry'....

I'm like IS THAT IT?????? What would you say/do??

Sorry for the long post, am highly annoyed/shocked and irate!

Thanks
Jinx

Zazen999

You need to explore why he has got back in touch.

Jinx

As I said above, we had an argument after our wedding..... and if it had just been a one-off womens perspective then fine. But to keep in touch with her all these months in secret... am gobsmacked

Barneysmom

Maybe he was worried about how you'd react if you knew he was still in contact with her?
He's probably embarrassed about it now, just talk to him about it.
If you are feeling a bit scared, feeling she's a threat, you need to render her harmless.
I'd suggest you meet up with her and be friendly towards her, and make sure she's fully aware of how strong your marriage is and how happy you and your hubby are together.
You and hubby have the rest of your lives together, she doesn't matter.

If you make it big, it'll be big, but if you see it as small fry it'll shrivel up. xx

cheepskate_2

Jinx wrote: »

As I said above, we had an argument after our wedding..... and if it had just been a one-off womens perspective then fine. But to keep in touch with her all these months in secret... am gobsmacked

So for 5 years has he kept in touch with ex girlfiends and kept it secret ???? . After 5 years of no contact you would not call/text an old flame for advice, so from where i'm looking at it he had to be having contact enough for him to feel comfortable doing this and also keeping it under the "unknown phone number tag"

Jinx

I think you make some valid points Barneysmom.... I don't feel threatened by her, shes not really the issue to me. I feel disappointed, hurt, lied to, all by him, not her! Granted she accepted chats and texts with kisses from someone elses husband but he is in the wrong here.

I guess the big issue for me is trust. He works away so if I cant trust him, what do I have??? If hes been in touch with her since the end of last year they could have been in touch a lot more than I even know, he may even have seen her.... He has a lot of explaining to do. Hes gone out at the moment-hes avoiding facing an explosion....

Jinx

cheepskate wrote: »

So for 5 years he has kept in touch with ex girlfiends and kept it secret ???? . After 5 years of no contact you would not call/test an old flame for advice, so from where i'm looking at it he had to be having contact enough for him to feel comfortable doing this and also keeping it under the "unknown phone number tag"

Wow - thats a very interesting statement, I hadnt thought about it like that. They parted on good terms and I think she may be with someone else now.... Hmmm something else to ask I guess....:(

Zazen999

Zazen999 wrote: »

You need to explore why he has got back in touch.

Jinx wrote: »

As I said above, we had an argument after our wedding..... and if it had just been a one-off womens perspective then fine. But to keep in touch with her all these months in secret... am gobsmacked

But WHY did he go running to her?

missmontana

Take a deep breath and try to calm down first, men often don't think its such a big deal, it may well have only been a few texts. If she is in a relationship, then she probably thinks nothing of it than offering an old friend a bit of advice.

Sit him down and explain how its made you feel and ask him how he would feel if it was you doing the same thing.

missmontana

Zazen999 wrote: »

But WHY did he go running to her?

He hasn't gone running to her, he's just sent a few texts, don't make a bigger deal out of it than it actually is.

Gingham_Ribbon

Zazen999 wrote: »

But WHY did he go running to her?

That doesn't need to be an issue. Someone we've been in a relationship with previously knows us better in some ways than our other friends. A 'what do I get wrong?' kind of conversation is hardly a problem.

Obviously hiding it and lying about it is more of an issue, but that's for the couple to work out. If I was going to ask an ex for help in my relationship, then I'd do it. I would tell my husband though.