Cost v's number of children

pandas66

I think if you let peopel get to you, take anonymous posts to heart (whether directed at you personally or not, by that I mean named) then anyone can be bullied.
However i know my life, I know my boys and how they have to fit in with me and I with them. We have been a 3 unit for 12 years. I have had to work, gaining experience (and money) and hours (and money) over those years, my boys are a total credit to me and our friends and to themselves.
I can't take critism to heart from here as not 1 of you know what we as a family have to do, whether its study/work/leisure, we have all compromises to make.
I now work 35-40 hours in the office and 5-10 at home per week, this ensures the bills paid, the pension pot is paid and the savings pot is topped up.
I am really lucky now as my young men are independant but not stupid, they know how to evaluate situations and look after themselves as young men should. They know the bus route, I don't use it so no help from me there!
I have the children i can afford, I have been a SAHM. TOTALLY there when they were pre school, no part time job, no evenings, no work from home.

jellyhead

helpafriend wrote:

You are childfree and therefore view children as a burden, not a joy. Until you have given birth you just don't understand the joy. Once you have felt that overwhelming love for a child, your body craves it and I am saddened that women, like my sister, deny themselves that pleasure.

She knows what it is like to hold a baby in her arms, that is why her attitude is so sad. I can understand why a childfree person does not get it as they have never felt it, but not a mother.

i'm only on page 6 of this, but what a debate won't be able to read the rest of the thread today because the baby will wake up.

just wanted to say that just because your sister wants to stop at one child doesn't mean that she doesn't feel overwhelming love for the child she has. it's not love for children as such, it's love for that individual child in your arms. i can remember planning my wedding and everyone asking when i would have a sibling for my 5 year old and it was the furthest thing from my mind, i really didn't want another. but i felt fierce love for my 5 year old that hadn't abated any since i first held him.

and yes i've had another child since then, with a 9 year age gap but i don't for a second think that my eldest would have been disadvantaged if i hadn't had another child. i'd have loved to have been an only child, my parents had 4 and it was too many, not just financially but emotionally. and sharing a bedroom with my sister was absolute torture, i begged to be sent to boarding school, escaped for weekends with my gran whenever i could and was so jealous of the only children i knew, or families with 2 children who each had their own room.

for some of you having kids share a room doesn't look to be any problem at all, but to me it's just something i never want to put my children through. we're all so different. my sister and i have very different views about children, and neither one of us is wrong, we're just different.

Scarlett1

viktory wrote:

A witch hunt against whom? Who is bullying whom? All I have seen is some very heated debate. This is an public forum and the OP left herself open to criticism (and support) by posting on such a forum.

The old saying about heat and kitchens springs to mind here.

what a surprise that you picked my post :rotfl:

I think the OP was looking for someone to lend an ear, not for everyone to jump in and totally slate her, she has a different opinion to everyone else so what !!!! :rolleyes:

As far as I was aware this wasnt a debating section, so the please be nice to moneysavers should apply.

pipkin71

wow! What a thread. I have been reading this with interest since the OP's posting and have several times gone to post my views but thought better of it - anyway, i'm biting the bullet so here goes......

I am a single parent with two children - relationship ended when pregnant with DD2. Due to ill health, I am on benefits. It's not great, but it is managable, I have no debt and my children also get little luxuries, holidays each year, etc.

If I was to have another child, the state would up the money I get each week [fantastic!] but that would just be plain stupid and irresponsible!!!!!!

Of course, there are other reasons why I wont have any more children - both due to my health and my belief that children should have the same father [my own personal belief, which is not forced on anyone I know, nor do I preach to anyone, so please do not take any offence to my belief].

As a single parent on benefits, I also believe that my children need know nothing of the benefit system. As far as they are concerned, my voluntary job is what brings in the money. Another parent at my children's school has five children and has been on benefits for the last twenty years - now eldest two are on jsa without looking for employment.

At the beginning of October, I finish my degree with the OU and with support will hopefully go into teaching [yay for the disability discrimination act!]

Although I am on benefits, and am very greatful for them, I think the system as it stands is too easy and people will abuse it, giving people like myself, who have genuinely needed the system, a bad name.

Perhaps it is time for the government to take a good hard look at benefits because it isn't a bottomless pit and one day poverty will create a divide.

Regards
Pipkin xxx

Glad

be nice to other moneysavers applies in all areas of MSE
this isn't a free speech forum, it's a privately owned one
please keep on topic

Edinburghlass_2

Does no-one else think the whole thing is a wind up

If its not a wind up I'm sure glad she isn't my sister or friend pasting their business all over the internet

Scarlett1

Edinburghlass wrote:

Does no-one else think the whole thing is a wind up

who knows once I wade through all the 'opinions' and get to the end of a huge thread like this I have forgotten what the OP was about

pipkin71

You would hope it's a wind up, however, someone I know had four children [3 different fathers] and when youngest reached 14, she went out and slept with more than one man to get pregnant again because she knew benefits would stop once youngest daughter reached 16. How do I know this - she was quite happy to let people know what she was doing, and is now quite happy to be in receipt of benefits until she is entitled to a state pension!

Unfortunately, now baby is here, it is looked after by older siblings so mother can continue going out. It's the child I feel sorry for.

lizzie12_2

Wow, What a read that has been. Am going on to another thread now.....
Ladies who want but havent/cant... keep smiling, those that have, enjoy them. Life is tooooooo short to have a debate get so angry ( Yes I am angry too) but the sad thing is we canna do anything about it.

Tigertomato

black-saturn wrote:

I'm not saying I agree or disagree with the OP. But it is everyones own personal right to have children.

Is it? In which constitution does it state that?