Cost v's number of children

lizzie12_2

Sounds like you want your cake and eat it young lady... not being rude here or to snub anyone... We have one which we can afford at the moment, both work AND pay our way, which has been a struggle at times I can tell you.
Lots of us are in the same boat, pay for what ya got.
If I had a child a year id have about twenty in tow!!!
Be thankful with the little ones you have already, and enjoy them

akin_drum

Seems to me that there are some people on here that have a real problem with childcare. Think about this - the people that provide the childcare are working and earning a wage. When they earn that wage they pay tax. The tax helps put money into the 'pot' that helps those that need it, as well as running the country. What would happen if all parents decided not to work but to stay at home and look after their sprogs? No one with children from birth to age whatever would work, taxes wouldn't get paid and there would be nothing in the pot. it would be only people without kids, or grown up kids that would work and pay taxes and the country would go to pot.

purplepurple

and yet some people that do have a problem with people who pay for childcare wouldn't think twice about getting someone else (possibly at the expense of the taxpayer) to look after their own parents when the time comes.

lizzie12_2

Afraid that does not include me! We work around each other to look after little un.Skint but happy

newleafer

I've just read through this thread and I'm starting to seeth!!!

I am 30 soon to be 31, I dont have children yet......Why?
Because I met and got married at 22 wanted children but we couldn't afford to, as we were setting up our home together, after that we made a few mistakes and got into debt, had to live with relatives, but we got ourselves out of a big hole and finally bought our 1st home last year and made sacrifices to get it. And still no children.....Why

Because we got in that mess and now were are getting out of it, and I cannot and will not use state money to fund my desire to have a baby because I owe money I spent I have to be able to afford that baby, and not the john lewis stuff for a baby, but the basics and I want to buy the things I like and not rely on help constantly which would cintrol what I can have.

Do you know how I feel, I feel gutted most days of the week that I cannot have a baby right now, that the man I adore cannot be the father he is so capable of being.... but thats tough we have to get out of our mess enough to pay our way.

But some of the posts have made me scared and guilty to be 30 and childless, but ultimately why should I feel these things people have babies into there mid to late 30's, why because they had a life and made a life for themselves and their children.

My parents never hated us, but they couldn't afford 3 of us, one of us regularly went without something, we were ridiculed at school because of our clothes, and not because they weren't gap or next but because we constantly had to make do, because "we cant afford it". I hated myself, I hated my parents not because I wanted everything or the latest designs but just because I didn't want my school uniform or shoes to be taken the mick out of one more day. And non-uniform days were horrendous. I even went without a bra and still had to wear vests for at least a year longer than I should of, so I always used to shy away when getting changed only to hear other girls say "she should be wearing a bra now, how weird that she's still wearing vests" How embarassing is that to a 12year old "oh mum can I have a bra please cos the girls at school say its about time I had one".

My children WILL NOT go through that because I selfishly couldn't control my urge and desire to have a baby when I could not provide for them everything they needed and I dont mean the best but I mean everything they need.


NW

tawnyowls

helpafriend wrote:

I meant the family I want. At least 4 children. My husband may be earning £40k in 15 years, who knows, but by then it will be too late.
I also want a career. I would like to be a midwife. If I stop having children at 32, 33, I will be young enough to return to work and give my children all the essentials in adult life that everyone seems to think they will miss out on.

Sorry, but I strongly suspect that wigginsmum was right when she said "you're a hormonal junkie in search of your repeated 'fix.' and keen to force others to share your addiction. What a desperately sad woman you are and what damage you're doing to your children - you're teaching them that they're not enough for Mummy and that they need to compete". From what you've said on this board, I cannot see you stopping at 4 kids and/or making any sort of career for yourself, even if it is one involving babies. You sound exactly like the mother recently on TV who had something like 13 kids because 'she loved having babies' and was planning to keep on having them until she couldn't have any more (or possibly till her womb dropped out, whichever happened first!). Even worse, her eldest daughter (17, I think) had by then also dropped her first sprog,with her mother's active encouragement. That is not normal behaviour - that's obsession. I truly believe that women like that are either trying to make up for something else desperately lacking in their lives or that they can't cope with their children growing up and not needing them in that all-consuming way of babies any longer.

black-saturn

pandas66 wrote:

I don't understand the logic here
my childless by choice friends all work, therefore are paying into the pension system now available to all (heres hoping!) plus private pensions for 'top-up' when the pot looks less. Thats an approx 45 years of contributions! I think they may have 'earnt' their bit.

In that case then the people who have children whilst on benefit will pay towards the system in the future. I worked for 8 years before having children and then spent 5 years on benefit. Now I am working again and paying into the tax system again. How is that different to how you explain you are going to pay for your pension?

black-saturn

Lotta_Littlies wrote:

Oops clicked on Thanks rather than quote - ho hum!

Anyway, I clothe my children mainly in Sales. I stick to a food budget. The last time we went abroad was 4 years ago when we only had three children. We don't have a flash house or flash cars but what we do have we've earned. We've not said "Oh let's have another baby. Let's not worry how to clothe it/feed it because the Government will pay".

The issue isn't whether you have more children or not. Have as many as you like... when you can support them. In the meantime, cherish the two children you have already.

Lotta

You clearly can't afford so many either then.

wigginsmum

Don't be daft, black-saturn - Lotta is following a budget just like you do. Or are you now saying M&S food and foreign holidays are essential for kids?

pavlovs_dog

well having read through this thread, i cant believe how rude and aggressive some of you have been towards other users.

please remember to keep a civil tongue in your heads; this is a discussion forum not a boxing ring regardless of how vehemently you disagree, there is no need to be rude