£7k in 7 months...I hope!

RumPunch_2

When is the last time you had a serious talk about it with him. You have to do what is right for you but it is obviously important to you, I think it would be worth another talk. Tell him again how much it means to you and see if he would be willing to consider it.

Woowoo

It's been an ongoing discussion for years RP, he has well and truly made his mind up despite knowing how strongly I feel.

I think I just have to accept that I will never have a conventional life. I think debt has played apart in it as well. Perhaps if I had been debt free when we met we could of brought a place together. If's, but's and maybe's don't change anything though do they.

I just need to find a way to stop feeling angry at him as he's done nothing wrong really. I don't know what's the matter with me at the moment, I have never doubted my feelings for him and now I keep questionning myself.

Sorry to keep hijacking your thread Jody!

kavics17

Going on holiday and can't even keep up! Still on holiday but it's pouring and all our clothes are wet .

Commitment: we got engaged after 5 years being together and there is no chance to get married whatsoever. I want a wedding with our families present, he wants to do it just the 2 of us. Neither of us is ready to negotiate, rather stay engaged only. Sad as it is but I don't really mind anymore. I gave him ultimatum that we were going to try for kiddo next October when I turn 32 if he says no than I leave him. Easy as that. A child is for me the biggest commitment.

xxx

Woowoo

Do you think you will follow through Kavics? I really admire people like you who aren't prepared to accept second best x

RumPunch_2

Woowoo wrote: »

It's been an ongoing discussion for years RP, he has well and truly made his mind up despite knowing how strongly I feel.

I think I just have to accept that I will never have a conventional life. I think debt has played apart in it as well. Perhaps if I had been debt free when we met we could of brought a place together. If's, but's and maybe's don't change anything though do they.

I just need to find a way to stop feeling angry at him as he's done nothing wrong really. I don't know what's the matter with me at the moment, I have never doubted my feelings for him and now I keep questionning myself.

Sorry to keep hijacking your thread Jody!

Well at least you know you've told him, better that he knows than you dwelling on it. You can't beat yourself up about your debt, what's done is done, but maybe when you're debt free buying the ski chalet together will be a committment that makes you happier.

Woowoo

Exactly RP, I am going to stop moaning and focusing on the negatives and remember that the night I met him I went home and knew I would spend the rest of my life with him, there will always be lumps and bumps to get over

RumPunch_2

Oh that is lovely, it must have been a wonderful night!

jtr2803

Woo hun don't ever apologise for hi-jacking my thread! It's discussions like these that can make us all see different view points. I can honestly tell you that you aren't alone . I understand the getting angry part...I get angry at my OH for not proposing, quite frequently actually, especially when I read on FB about another friend getting married. The night I found out my boss had got engaged after only 9 months I came home and cried for ages . I try to remember that we haven't actually been together that long and consider we have been in each others pockets non-stop we get on so well that I almost don't want to rock the boat.

I do think men these days generally don't get the marriage thing, we have become a society where marriage is no longer considered the 'done thing' and it's quite acceptable to be together long term without being married and also to have children without being married. Think back 40/50 years and getting married was the only way a man would get his...ahem, 'privileges' . The way I think most women see it is 'if getting married wont change our day to day lives why cant we just do it?' and men think 'it wont change our day to day lives so why bother?'. It's the whole men are from Mars and Women are from Venus thing. It doesn't make it right and they will never understand the whole 'commitment' thing I don't think, I don't want to issue OH with an ultimatum at all, I would much rather he get there of his own accord but if I have to, I will and I will back it up all the way.

Woo, would your OH ever consider a commitment ceremony? I know it has no official legal standing (that I am aware of) but it could almost be your wedding day if that makes sense? Or do you want an 'official' commitment? Would you change your name by deedpoll perhaps? I'm always here if you want to vent

jtr2803

Woowoo wrote: »

cup of tea always makes things better, only one sugar mind! x

Def just the one , this made me chuckle!

kavics17 wrote: »

Going on holiday and can't even keep up! Still on holiday but it's pouring and all our clothes are wet .

Commitment: we got engaged after 5 years being together and there is no chance to get married whatsoever. I want a wedding with our families present, he wants to do it just the 2 of us. Neither of us is ready to negotiate, rather stay engaged only. Sad as it is but I don't really mind anymore. I gave him ultimatum that we were going to try for kiddo next October when I turn 32 if he says no than I leave him. Easy as that. A child is for me the biggest commitment.

xxx

Oh noooooo @ rain! I hope it !!!!!!s off for your soon!

Shame you can't agree on the actual marriage after waiting all that time! I agree on children being the ultimate commitment, after all, you can divorce and never see each other again but with children it's a life long bond. If we ever get round to reproducing it wont be for at least 4 years I reckon, by the time we go to the Maldives (which is most important of course!) then save to buy a house.....the list goes on doesn't it.

It's ok though because in 30 minutes I am going to be the biggest ever lotto winner :rotfl:

Woowoo

Thanks Jody, I think you summed up the different view point of men and women towards marriage perfectly there.

I suggested a commitment ring and not even a ceremony but he won't do that either.

I hope your OH surprises you soon, otherwise next year some massive hints will have to be dropped!