£7k in 7 months...I hope!

Woowoo

Sorry for the life story lol!

Kepp

Oh Woo, that made me a bit sad x

Do you mean you could pack up and leave because you're not bothered or if you did just that there would be no ties? x

Kepp

jtr2803 wrote: »

I did wonder about you Woo but didn't want to ask .

I have, in my head, a deadline by which I want OH to propose by, if he hasn't by then we will have to have a very serious talk about our future. If he then said he didn't want to get married I think I would leave him. I know that might sound a little OTT but it's important to me and as he has said many times that he does want to marry me I would find it too much if he just changed his mind!

I don't think that's OTT to be honest.

I think it's a case of recognising what's important to the other person even if it's not to yourself, which in your case is that marriage is important to you.

I also think the whole commitment thing is what makes it a big deal. Yes, people are right when they say it doesn't change the day to day of life, but I think it says a lot bout backing up saying all the things you think and feel.

If that makes sense!

jtr2803

Don't apologise hun!

My OH has no interest in children and I am very torn, I would at least like to know that if I do decide in a few years that I wanted one that the opportunity is there. OH has said that if it got to the point where I was convinced I wanted a baby and we were in a better financial position that he wouldn't deny me one but I obviously have no way of knowing whether he means it or not!

I would like to think we will get married but I know if he decides it's not what he wants then I would end up resenting him and that would be no good for either of us. My mum knows all this and told me I should be grateful that I have a loving and supportive boyfriend rather than wish for more, I understand what she is saying but at the same time, I know I want to get married but more than that, I want to marry him. I also know that you end up caught between a rock and a hard place, you don't want to throw away an otherwise good relationship but you also want more than you are currently getting and risk maybe never meeting someone else?...now I'm rambling!

Do you think once you are debt free that you would buy somewhere new together?

Hugs x

jtr2803

beccie wrote: »

I don't think that's OTT to be honest.

I think it's a case of recognising what's important to the other person even if it's not to yourself, which in your case is that marriage is important to you.

I also think the whole commitment thing is what makes it a big deal. Yes, people are right when they say it doesn't change the day to day of life, but I think it says a lot bout backing up saying all the things you think and feel.

If that makes sense!

Exactly. If my OH had made it clear from Day 1 that marriage wasn't for him then it might make it a little more palletable but I would still be hoping he would change his mind. As he has already told me he wants to marry me on a number of occasions, if he suddenly changed his mind I would be so angry and felt like I had been led on.

I will admit I am quite a 'needy' person in that sense, I want that commitment. In my other two long term relationships I was engaged within a year :eek: (maybe that is why they didn't work!?). So for us to be almost 2.5 years and not even seeing it on the cards does worry me.

Ps...he has until 19th June next year, not that he knows it!

Woowoo

beccie wrote: »

Oh Woo, that made me a bit sad x

Do you mean you could pack up and leave because you're not bothered or if you did just that there would be no ties? x

Oh no I would be devastated, its because there are no ties at all. Unless you count the dog!

Kepp

That's better. Just I left a six year relationship on the basis that we just didn't really care anymore.

We never argued, we still get on really well (this is my ex with the DMP I mentioned the other day!), and neither of us ever did anything horrible so it was a very civilised break up.

But also sad that after all that time that's how we felt so I'm glad to hear that you're not feeling like that too x

Woowoo

jtr2803 wrote: »

Don't apologise hun!

My OH has no interest in children and I am very torn, I would at least like to know that if I do decide in a few years that I wanted one that the opportunity is there. OH has said that if it got to the point where I was convinced I wanted a baby and we were in a better financial position that he wouldn't deny me one but I obviously have no way of knowing whether he means it or not!

I would like to think we will get married but I know if he decides it's not what he wants then I would end up resenting him and that would be no good for either of us. My mum knows all this and told me I should be grateful that I have a loving and supportive boyfriend rather than wish for more, I understand what she is saying but at the same time, I know I want to get married but more than that, I want to marry him. I also know that you end up caught between a rock and a hard place, you don't want to throw away an otherwise good relationship but you also want more than you are currently getting and risk maybe never meeting someone else?...now I'm rambling!

Do you think once you are debt free that you would buy somewhere new together?

Hugs x

That's the hard thing, when you still love someone you can't rationalise leaving because he won't marry you etc. I could end up with a right nasty piece of work or single with cats to keep me company!

At the end of the day he's a good man, but I find his whole attitude more and more selfish, which is when the resentment kicks in.

Then again, he has always been straight with me since day one and it was my choice to be with him. You think you know it all though at 20 dont you!

I think part of the reason I want to buy a ski apartment in France with him is so I can push for some committment. I think if he refuses it could well be the final straw.

Can you tell I'm confused at the moment lol!

Kepp

Oh and I would def count the dog!

When me and aforementioned ex broke up we had to decide who got 'custody' of the pets -

I kept the dog and he got the lobster! :rotfl:

Woowoo

jtr2803 wrote: »

Exactly. If my OH had made it clear from Day 1 that marriage wasn't for him then it might make it a little more palletable but I would still be hoping he would change his mind. As he has already told me he wants to marry me on a number of occasions, if he suddenly changed his mind I would be so angry and felt like I had been led on.

I will admit I am quite a 'needy' person in that sense, I want that commitment. In my other two long term relationships I was engaged within a year :eek: (maybe that is why they didn't work!?). So for us to be almost 2.5 years and not even seeing it on the cards does worry me.

Ps...he has until 19th June next year, not that he knows it!

You are right to remember what is important to you and give yourself a reasonable timescale for it to happen. Like you said, he wants to get married, so there is no sense in hanging around for ever.

2.5 years quickly becomes 10 years, and you don't want to end up like me!