Advice - Splitting Up!

jordan_gibson

Me and my partner are going seperate ways after I found out she had slept with the next door neighbour. (I bet she wished she deleted her text messages now!!)

We have a 2 year old boy and are currently living in a house with both names on the mortgage so we will split the equity when we sell it (the house is actually already sold as we were in the process of moving house).

All I want is to make sure that my lad is looked after and at the end of the day I know that my partner (now ex-partner) is a fantastic mum becuase my little lad is perfect! We have therefore worked out what I will pay in maintainance (15% of nett wage) each month but I'm not sure where I stand on the housing front?? If we find a house/flat for them then do I have to pay all of the rent, bills etc?? I would not have thought that this was the case becuase I obviously have to find somewhere to live (in Leeds which will cost ££££) but was hoping that someone would have some idea or experience on a situation like this.

Money is always an issue (hence why I come here) but I am fortunate to have a cracking job as a Professional golfer so just want to make sure that my lad has everything, whilst still allowing myself to physically live.

Thanks for any advice!

car25

Hi, firstly you sound like a really nice guy, wanting what is best for your son and realising how good his mother is, so often splits get nasty with the poor children suffering in the middle (at any age they know and feel so much more than we realise, even if they don't quite understand it).

I'm afraid I don't have any practical advice (but I'm sure you will get some help on here soon) except perhaps have a look on the Citizens Advice Bureau website and go from there.

Very good luck to you all.

jordan_gibson

car25 wrote:

Hi, firstly you sound like a really nice guy, wanting what is best for your son and realising how good his mother is, so often splits get nasty with the poor children suffering in the middle (at any age they know and feel so much more than we realise, even if they don't quite understand it).

I'm afraid I don't have any practical advice (but I'm sure you will get some help on here soon) except perhaps have a look on the Citizens Advice Bureau website and go from there.

Very good luck to you all.

Thanks! We have managed to keep things very ammicable simply so that the little one does not notice. Obviously, he will notice a change but at the end of the day it is not his fault so we are trying to protect him as much as possible.

ps.. I'll give the advice people a call tom and see what they say

tanith

Hiya, I think the previous poster gave you good advice I just wanted to say , well done for putting your little chap first ... I have seen the damage nasty breakups do to children among my own grandchildren and if you can avoid damaging your son it would be the best thing in the world you could do for him...

Good luck and keep doing what you are doing however hard it gets..:T

Phatmouse

jordan_gibson wrote:

Me and my partner are going seperate ways after I found out she had slept with the next door neighbour. (I bet she wished she deleted her text messages now!!)

We have a 2 year old boy and are currently living in a house with both names on the mortgage so we will split the equity when we sell it (the house is actually already sold as we were in the process of moving house).

All I want is to make sure that my lad is looked after and at the end of the day I know that my partner (now ex-partner) is a fantastic mum becuase my little lad is perfect! We have therefore worked out what I will pay in maintainance (15% of nett wage) each month but I'm not sure where I stand on the housing front?? If we find a house/flat for them then do I have to pay all of the rent, bills etc?? I would not have thought that this was the case becuase I obviously have to find somewhere to live (in Leeds which will cost ££££) but was hoping that someone would have some idea or experience on a situation like this.

Money is always an issue (hence why I come here) but I am fortunate to have a cracking job as a Professional golfer so just want to make sure that my lad has everything, whilst still allowing myself to physically live.

Thanks for any advice!

BRAVO to you.
As far as I am aware half the house and the maintenace is what she gets, she will also claim benefits for the child (child benefits, child tax credits) or maybe working tax credits if she works. She may get housing benefit and coucil tax benefit.
I'm sure that perfect little lad is partly your doing, well done.

Phatmouse

some of the above does depend on the amount of money she receives from the house

jordan_gibson

Phatmouse wrote:

BRAVO to you.
As far as I am aware half the house and the maintenace is what she gets, she will also claim benefits for the child (child benefits, child tax credits) or maybe working tax credits if she works. She may get housing benefit and coucil tax benefit.
I'm sure that perfect little lad is partly your doing, well done.

Thanks. I just have this feeling (not based on fact) that I am responsible for putting a roof over my little lads head. If this is the case, then do I have to pay rent/bills??

Phatmouse

jordan_gibson wrote:

Thanks. I just have this feeling (not based on fact) that I am responsible for putting a roof over my little lads head. If this is the case, then do I have to pay rent/bills??

I think that just comes from being a good man.
You are both going to be on an equal footing by the sounds of things, I can not see you ever letting them go short. You may want to do this to get her started if you are in a position to financially, but no doubt she will want to stand on her own two feet and have no trouble doing so as time goes on. It sounds as though legally you are covering the lot, what ever else you two decide is just testament to the good communication being shown here.

I would see what the CSA says first though, speak to the citizens advice together and remember you need to take care of yourself as well.

shelly

Phatmouse wrote:

I would see what the CSA says first though, speak to the citizens advice together

From what Iv'e heard about the CSA I'd try not to get them involved if it can be helped, though if at any time your now ex claims Income Support they will get involved I believe (please correct me if I'm wrong)
I think someone posted on another thread that he was paying £XX which he and ex-partner were happy with, then his ex had to claim Income Support and CSA got involved and he had to pay alot more than he could comfortably afford but the ex only got £10 of whatever it was he had to pay so they were both much worse off.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

HTH. The practicalities are that if you split the profit from the house 50/50 she will have to buy or rent another one. If she doesn't work she will be able to claim HB and CTB if she rents. If she has no income she will be unable to purchase a property with a mortgage. What does this all mean? It means that your son will perhaps have a much lower standard of living than the one he's been used to. You may be able to improve it by paying more than the child support amount you've suggested in your post, but whether you'd want to or not is your decision. Good luck.

Horasio

How awful for you. I am glad you are considering your son. He is the innocent party.

Your ex, she is probably entitled to a percentage, as she is the primary carer to your son and will not be able to earn as much money as she needs, is she wishes to be around full time for your son. If you were childless, she would probably be entitled to nothing, as she is the guilty party.