Money Moral Dilemma: Should I lunch with work mates?

als1805

I had exactly the same problem - sorry if it's been suggested before, didn't have time to read through the dozens of replies, but I told everyone I was on a diet and didn't want to be tempted by a lovely lunch, they were delighted that someone was going to cover the phones whilst they had their long lunchbreak!

Good luck :-)

BenS1

I did it when I was working on a government site with a corporate company. The difference being, I chose who I had lunch with.

If socializing with workmates is such an issue then do something like bowling, or celebrations of some sort like a project being completed.

Working in the corporate was good, when projects were completed (about 3 times a year), everyone in each team was invited to a night out to celebrate which was paid for by the company. This is how I met the guys I went to lunch with, and I still meet with one of the guys regularly even through we both don't work at that office anymore and we're in the same town although it's been 3 years since I left.

pb8770

Have you spoken to your workmates, they could be in the same boat as you. Tell your boss that you want to be seen by trying to bond with your work mates by eating out, but you live on a budget. Explain that you only have x amount to play with for lunch and it could throw your budget off balance if you eat out at the prices for the places he chooses. Have you had a quiet word with your work colleagues, they could be struggling to and possibly having to use the plastic to make it happen. I can see why you are asking the question as you do not want to be seen as a loner.:D

Marco12452

Just tell em NO !!!, Lunchtime is your own time to spend as you please. Don't waste it pleasing others when you would sooner decline.

Individual_2

I had exactly the same dilemma, but it was a bit worse, as besides lunches there were regular evening outings and x-mas parties! All at own expense and bills shared equally. The problem was not exactly the money - I could afford it, but a sense that I was not enjoying it at all, and resented it.
Straight away I was made aware that I am not perceived as a team player when I started finding excuses from those outings. It seems that "not being a team player is a horrible sin in the UK", isn't it?
It helped a little bit when I announced that I was broke, and really had to save every penny, so I cant afford joining in. It was a lie, but it helped me in a way that people got of my back without feeling rejected by me...

Reading the comments I was surprised seeing things like "oh, if you don't like these lunches you should consider changing your job". As if changing a job is such an easy thing. At the same time it fells unfair that being employed for professional qualities and ability to do the job, one has to perform "playing friendships" with people they are not interested in...

floss2

Why not sugest that it is something that happens every month, on payday, and that you ALL take turns in choosing where you go....and ALL have to attend, whether it is the local Michelin starred restaurant or the greasy spoon cafe on the corner....then it is something to look forward to, to budget for and to accomodate in a diet.

miriamm

"Team building" stuff only works if everyone is truly up for it - you're not, and quite possibly neither is anyone else in the team except for your boss. And nothing wrong with that - my experience of so-called team bonding exercises is that the real bonding comes afterwards when everyone agrees how horrible it all was and how they'd rather chew their own arm off than do it again.

I definitely think you should bow out, but don't think you should lie about it - just say you have other things to do, and only the lunch break to do them in, so lunchtime socialising is out for you.

You say this is a new team - maybe once you have all worked together for a while and got to know each other a bit better, going out to lunch may seem a more enjoyable prospect. But right now it seems false, and I would question your "cool" boss's real motives for constantly wanting to be seen out with five (presumably young, as you refer to them as 'girls') women.

little_girl_lost

awehla wrote: »

That is awful. Did you actually get sacked or transferred to a different department or something?

They started setting me targets that were clearly impossible, that I had to get all my work done my 11 am, which obviously I couldnt get a whole days work done that quick and if I could I guess they would have said just come in for 2 hours everyday.

As I failed this target they started disaplinary proceedings so I resigned because it was all basically leading up to sacking me.

Not mentioning any names......





Swinton Insurance*Cough*

CutTheJargon

Individual wrote: »

Straight away I was made aware that I am not perceived as a team player when I started finding excuses from those outings. It seems that "not being a team player is a horrible sin in the UK", isn't it?

Reading the comments I was surprised seeing things like "oh, if you don't like these lunches you should consider changing your job". As if changing a job is such an easy thing. At the same time it fells unfair that being employed for professional qualities and ability to do the job, one has to perform "playing friendships" with people they are not interested in...

I agree and as a sales person it is expected, although at one interview (I got the job), I was asked if I was a 'Team Player' and I said that was an interesting question and asked them why they felt it was so important, given that in my role I spend 95% of my time away from my colleagues. As long as I could get on with the customers and deal in a professional manner with my colleagues on the phone, that should do. I said most sales people in my field were competitive, we were often rewarded additionally for coming 'top' and there was no way most of them would help you or truly be 'team players'.
Apparantly, it was the first time anybody had said that, but they kind of agreed!

I hate the term 'team player'. Why can't we just go to work, do our job, be pleasant and respectful to our colleagues, have no pressure to 'join in', but do it if you want to, be recognised for the job you do well and cut out the politics - will never happen, I'm afraid!

CutTheJargon

little_girl_lost wrote: »

They started setting me targets that were clearly impossible, that I had to get all my work done my 11 am, which obviously I couldnt get a whole days work done that quick and if I could I guess they would have said just come in for 2 hours everyday.

As I failed this target they started disaplinary proceedings so I resigned because it was all basically leading up to sacking me.

Not mentioning any names......


Swinton Insurance*Cough*

That is a horrible situation to be in, but for future situations, I would handle things differently. Once you have stood up to them it will give you more confidence. As soon as they start giving you ridiculous things to do, you have to question it and document their answers. Put the ball back in their court by asking them questions in writing or by e-mail. And if they don't respond, ask them again and mention you have not yet had a reply. For example 'Is everybody having to meet these targets', 'Why am I the only one having to do it', 'Why has the situation changed'? It won't make you popular with your manager, but will show them you are not to be pushed around and they will know that if they do anything unfairly, it will be noted and used if necessary. Will buy you a bit of time whilst you look for another job, but do it as soon as they start being awkward, otherwise they will wear you down and you won't have the mental capacity to handle the situation correctly later on.