Money Moral Dilemma: Should I lunch with work mates?



  • alsilverfox
    alsilverfox Forumite Posts: 2 Newbie
    yes i would go for lunch if not the others will only talk about you
  • JayD
    JayD Forumite Posts: 687
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    I don't think you should keep going to lunches that you don't enjoy and don't want to pay for. If this is not something you can wriggle out of tactfully - eg having other important things that have to be done in that lunch break - then you should say that this is not something you like doing or can afford to keep doing.

    In either case, you can then agree to go on just the odd occasion, rather than on a regular or frequent basis.
  • Pellyman
    Pellyman Forumite Posts: 53 Forumite
    1) Tell everyone you are slimming/on a strict diet but will join them for a drink (and pay for it yourself at the time of purchase) and
    2) start looking for another job, if your boss wants a 'team' I'm afraid you're not going to fit in.
  • Littlemissteapot
    Littlemissteapot Forumite Posts: 56
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Firstly, I wouldn't lie or make up any stories. If you get found out your professional cred goes down the toilet-pan. Even worse it will be discussed - yep, over lunch with the boss, when you're not there!. Be Honest.

    Your perspective is that you resent paying for what you don't enjoy. The boss' perspective is that he needs a good working team. So, you'll need to come up with ideas that are 'free' but also have a 'bonding' perspective. I thought of (in a brief 20 sec):
    A- A picnic in a park
    B- External team activities - you could all join a number of freebie clubs as a team
    C- Internal team activities - make one of your own and encourage organisational participation.
    D- A team meeting each week/monthly could have team bonding activities added to the agenda. Each person takes it in turn to came up with a game/activity that involves all of you to participate in.

    I'm sure that there are loads more and the only limiting factor is how proactive you are about it.

    Next, I do suggest that you talk to your boss privately. Explain to him that he is unknowingly putting you in an awkward position both financially and socially, but you do understand that a bonded team works well and so you have come up with ideas (see above) that don't put you in an awkward position but does provide the 'bonding session' that he seeks- A win-win. Also add that you welcome ideas from other team members obviously. This should get the result you want. What if it doesn't? Listen very carefully to his reasons as they could be excuses for an underlying selfish purpose, they could also be genuine and you might agree with them. If they are selfish and are of no benefit to you then I would start making plans to leave. You deserve to work for an honest boss.
  • Cloudane
    Cloudane Forumite Posts: 524
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts
    I'd just be honest and say I can't afford it. Maybe it'd drop the hint that it's time for a decent rise!
  • angelfacecuti75
    angelfacecuti75 Forumite Posts: 70 Forumite
    This seems like an obvious one to me, but its just because what our team do at work and we as 'admin' staff generally organise it. Why not suggest a team lunch once every couple of months or once a month to a venue thats not expensive (pizza hut, pizza express do a lot of vouchers and is still quite expensive and if people complain that pizza is a fatty meal they do lots of fairly healthy options ie the leggera pizza, the yoghurt dessert that i dont remember the name of and the low cal wine) that way u still get team bonding but not all the flipping time and it doesnt take away ur precious few moments to urself xxx
  • RichardG123
    RichardG123 Forumite Posts: 1 Newbie
    No-brainer. Work has no jurisdiction whatsoever over your free time. Make up some sort of spurious excuse as to why you can't make it.
  • sfblues11
    sfblues11 Forumite Posts: 9
    Part of the Furniture First Post Combo Breaker
    Now that we're well on the way to a British summer, why not suggest a cheaper alternative by having a 'make your own sandwiches lunch'. Preferably there's a nearby park you can eat them in, or if not, you should be able to find a space inside or out where you can sit together. I agree with those that said that team building events are normally a good idea, and you should try to be involved, but if they're not working for you, why not come up with ideas of things that the team could do or talk about instead. And don't be put off if they say no to your first suggestion!
  • stroppy_cow
    stroppy_cow Forumite Posts: 25 Forumite
    My daughter (19) worked in a coffee shop for the minimum wage. The tips were all kept together and once a month all the staff HAD to go out for an evening together with the tips going towards the bill and the staff making up the rest. Her boss said this was part of her contract but I could find no trace of it. I think it was extremely unfair - particularly as sometimes the 'night out' was on a day she wasn't at work so had an extra 24 miles to travel and sometimes it was an evening when she had started work at 6.30. Being 19 and anxious to keep the job she went each time and paid - but I don't think it was right.
  • pennypinchUK
    pennypinchUK Forumite Posts: 383 Forumite
    This is a common problem for employed people. As one who has had to endure more Christmas parties, office functions and team building exercises than I want to count I have to say it's part and parcel of office working. Such lunches usually fizzle out after a short while, and if you regularly tell the others you've got too much work to do, or you've got to go shopping, or see a friend, or go home at lunch, etc. you'll help bring them to an end.
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