Money Moral Dilemma: Should I lunch with work mates?

liz545

I've had this problem in the past - while I like having a break from my packed lunches once in a while, it can mount up. As the weather's getting warmer, why not suggest that instead of going to a restaurant, you have a potluck picnic? People can either bring in something home-made, or pick something up from the supermarket and have a picnic in your local park. It's great fun, much more relaxed and informal, and much more affordable. Also, I'd suggest taking it in turns to pick the venue - and suggest somewhere budget friendly - perhaps a place with a prix fixe menu, or an inexpensive authentic Thai place or similar, or maybe even coffee and cakes for afternoon tea instead of lunch?

funkymonkey849

I would just flat out say I can't afford it. Which is true for me, and I have been in this position before and have said sorry I haven't got enough money.

If the boss wants to team build he can either pay for the meal or come up with another way for the team to bond.

There's absolutley no way I'd let anyone else dictate how I spend my own money.

I do and always have worked well as a team and got on with pretty much everyone I have worked with. Personal spending money and going out for meals has absolutely nothing to do with how well I work with people.

Beaker1

I think Flapjack is probably right on this one. It very much depends on how you feel about the job and how you see your future with the company. If you want to get on and be promoted you unfortunately need to play the game (although you can suggest cheaper alternatives).

If you see the job as a temporary career move then make excuses and refuse to go.

BubbleFrogette

This same situation happended to me in my previous role. My boss was a David Brent type and always wanted the team (4 of us) to go out for lunch, on bonding walks etc. He eventually turned out to be the biggest prik I've ever met in my life, but in those early days, all that 'matey' behaviour made me uncomfortable. I wanted a professional relationship with my boss and colleagues, not to be besie mates. So I told them so. I occasionally went, jsut to keep up appearances, but I kept it to a minimum.

Be very careful about getting too friendly with the boss and colleagues. If the !!!!! hits the fan later down the line, it makes it all the more difficult to speak out/stand up for yourself if the line between professional and 'mates' is blurred. You'll also find it more difficult to say no to unreasonable requests.

My OH is French and his old boss used to insist on OH using the 'tu' familiar form of you (in French of course) instead of the more formal 'vous' when talking to him. OH never used 'tu' with the boss as he said it was unprofessional, regardless of what his boss said. He said it would make it more difficult to deal with if the working situation ever got difficult, as 'tu' is only used for friends and family. I think he was right to refuse.

In conclusion, bite the bullet and say you'd prefer the relationship is kept on a professional level, but you'd be happy to go out for lunch once a month after payday or something.

NJW69

I think you can still keep the relationship professional and go out occasionally. If you never go it can make it look like you don't fit and don't want to either.

I think the idea of going once a month after payday and you each getting to pick somewhere in turns makes it more fair.

Most workplaces don't allow drinking alcohol during the working day which may help keep costs down.

little_girl_lost

Before the smoking ban came in my office used to go to the pub on a friday.
This particular pub was awful, a typical old mans place with old boys smoking pipes.
I told my boss I couldnt stand the smell and wouldnt be coming from now on.

I was labelled the party pooper and later pushed from my position, I dont think that was a coincedence.

So I'd say depending on how much you value your job, grin and bear it.

lsbell

flutemaster wrote: »

try being brave and tell them you cant afford it or say you have developed celiacs disease an intolerance to gluten and you have to follow a special diet most restaraunts are unable to facilitate such a requirement

i agree she should be brave and say she cant afford it. However this post above that says to pretend you have coeliac disease is disgusting. I have coeliac disease and it is not a joke, it is a lifelong autoimmune disease and saying you have it just to get out of a dinner is beyond the pale. Please get some common sense and be aware that people who have diseases also use this website.

frugalstephen

This situation is really one of self confidence.

If you are comfortable in your own skin, then you shouldn't really need the validation to be 'seen' to have to join in during your OWN lunch time. As for being a 'team' building excersise, this is just a cop out from your boss. True company 'team building' excersises are expensed by the company, not paid for by the employees..

If you have the confidence to beat your own path, and enjoy your own time, doing things YOU want to do, there are plenty of other ways to bond with your team. Some examples I have used is to pop out on a warm day, and buy a round of ice creams, inexpensive, novel, and sure to endear you.

Also, during normal break times, you can bring in the odd cake, or whatever else you feel appropriate - much less expensive than being forced to buy lunch in an expensive restaraunt. If you've baked yourself, can be a real talking point. You can even initiate a 'lottery' syndicate (be sure to get everyone signed up legally - you can download a form from the net, it's no problem when you lose all the time, problems only arise when/if you win!!). That'll only cost you £1/week, much cheaper than lunch out, and a bonding experience as it gives you all something in common to talk about!

As someone else has already said, above all, it's YOUR money, let no-one else influence or dictate to you on how you spend it.

dalore

I would point out MSE's savings calculator and show how much money I'm saving by not going to lunch.

If the boss still insists, ask for a raise for the very amount that the calculator shows.

weebit

I've been in this situation many times. I work in television and it's all about who you know in that industry so you need to get on with everyone, or at least pretend you do or else you will not get any jobs in the future.

personally for me it depends on the situation. if it's the first time in that team i'll usually go even if i have brought food with me but some times i will say no and just be up front on my reasons why such as saving money or i've already brought food with me. on one occasion when i cited money saving as my reason one of my colleagues kindly offered to pay for me (mind you, she was earning 3 times more than i did at the time!).