Money Moral Dilemma: Should I lunch with work mates?

Former_MSE_Lee

This week's hypothetical conundrum:

Should I lunch with work mates?

I work as part of a newly formed team; my boss, four other girls and me. My boss thinks he is very "cool" and wants us all to "bond" so often suggests we go out for lunch (at our expense). The other girls are fine, but I don't really want to be best buddies with them, and they always choose somewhere expensive and I resent having to pay when I don't enjoy it.

Should I tell my boss and risk looking bad or grin and bear it?

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ThinkingOfLinking

How about suggesting you take it in turns to choose the eating venue? Or if it's somewhere pricey, just say that money's tight and ask if you can bow out...or say you already have plans.

saveralot

Its tricky, but yes I'd suggest somewhere cheaper or just say not for me. I bet others in the team feel the same but don't like to say. I wonder why it is though you refer to yourself/them as "girls". Are the men boys? I wonder if you boss uses this term. He sounds a prat to be honest.

NyanNyan

I would ask to take it in turns to pick somewhere to go so you could pick a cheaper place or I'd explain that I can't afford it and say that I'll come and just have a (non-alcoholic) drink with them to be sociable or maybe just have a small (hopefully cheap!) starter. I'd eat lunch I brought with me from home at my desk just before we go out so I don't feel starving while everyone else is eating. I have a friend who used to do that when we were going out for lunch and nobody thought any less of her. It was good to have her come with us even if she wasn't eating there.

RuthnJasper

I'd tell the boss (confidentially), but still turn up and just have a cheaper item from the menu or some water. Still part of the team AND keeping slim! And if the boss is really as cool as he thinks, he'll head off at the pass any ribbing ...

Don't financially struggle for appearance's sake - it's never worth it in the long-run.

MaidMarianofNottingham

If lunch with your colleagues is a step too far, perhaps you're in the wrong job.
Perhaps it's because of your standoffish attitude that the boss has suggested a 'bonding' lunch time eat-out. There is no I in team!
Go to lunch and be gracious and thankful that you've been invited. Imagine how you might feel if they went and failed to invite you.

tara747

MaidMarianofNottingham wrote: »

If lunch with your colleagues is a step too far, perhaps you're in the wrong job.
Perhaps it's because of your standoffish attitude that the boss has suggested a 'bonding' lunch time eat-out. There is no I in team!
Go to lunch and be gracious and thankful that you've been invited. Imagine how you might feel if they went and failed to invite you.

I don't agree. Many people can't really afford lunches out (let's face it, when dividing up bills, it can set you back £20 or so a time - even once a week, that's £80+ every month!) - or it means having to sacrifice something that does mean something to them. And if it's a frequent occurrence I can see why the OP would be reluctant to go.

Skeenfleent

Lunchtime is supposed to be a BREAK from work. If that's not what it feels like, do what you need to do until it does. Stay healthy! If that's spending time away from colleagues, then do so. Join a gym, or pretend to - and tell them you're going there instead perhaps? Or tell them your GP said you need to go to get some fresh air (hope there's some around).
And/or go with them every so often on the days when you most feel like it to represent goodwill.

scotsbob

MaidMarianofNottingham wrote: »

There is no I in team!

But there is a ME








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seren77

I'd tell the boss that I haven't got time in my lunch hour as I have plenty of other things I need to be doing and if he wants to team build we should do it in work time. Chances are if he's 'cool' etc he only wants to be seen out with five women to massage his ego. I wouldn't want to get too friendly with the other girls anyway as in less than a year I'd have the boss's job :-)

sspaceflyer

It gets worse when some suggest the bill be shared evenly. I resent this because I usually order tap water with my meals, never buy coffee or expensive alcholic drinks, so why should I pay for these luxeries?