How would we ask???

GemzyKate

NEH wrote: »

We had a very small wedding, so need for one....We also got married abroad (not long haul) and felt that the people that attended had already given us their company and their time so we chose not to ask and we told people that their attendence was enough....We left it up to them if they wanted to give us anything else but in no way did we expect anything...

Just out of interest....did you pay for your guest's travel and accommodation?

Idiophreak

Firstly I'd be sure to say it's for the honeymoon, not for the wedding - I don't know why, but paying for the honeymoon doesn't seem as bad as paying for the food *you* ate...

Secondly, there are loads of sites about that will enable you to set up a list of honeymoon items..."drinks on the balcony" "swimming with dolphins" etc - I did some research on this for my sister's wedding, I think they ended up using Bliss List - you can ask for whatever you want, but just get the cash in the end, so you can spend it however suits.

Finally, I'm pretty sure everyone hates poems - a couple of sentences in plain English are fine...

anderson8

NEH wrote: »

We had a very small wedding, so need for one....We also got married abroad (not long haul) and felt that the people that attended had already given us their company and their time so we chose not to ask and we told people that their attendence was enough....We left it up to them if they wanted to give us anything else but in no way did we expect anything...

we dont have the fortune to be getting married abroad, so would like a honeymoon, doesnt have to be long haul. and we are not spending a fortune on a big wedding, hence why i am one here.

i do not think it is anymore "crass" making people aware that if they wish to give a gift then something to put towards a honeymoon that would be gratefully recieved than people having a gift list.

NEH

GemzyKate wrote: »

Just out of interest....did you pay for your guest's travel and accommodation?

That's a very rude question but yes we paid for most of them who are immediate family...The the other immediate family could afford it very easily...Same for the two sets of friends we had... 13 in total...

anderson8 wrote: »

we dont have the fortune to be getting married abroad, so would like a honeymoon, doesnt have to be long haul. and we are not spending a fortune on a big wedding, hence why i am one here.

i do not think it is anymore "crass" making people aware that if they wish to give a gift then something to put towards a honeymoon that would be gratefully recieved than people having a gift list.

Naive thinking, our wedding was cheaper abroad, we went self catering and we flew with a charter airline, cheap fare booked in advance...We would have had to have more guests staying in this country and the accmodaiton in Scotland in our particular part that we were in at that time was an average of £80/£90 a night at the cheapest rate....Being so far north our guests woud have had even more inconvienence travelling to Scotland rather than abroad as well as more costs...

It is a myth that a wedding abroad costs a fortune, ours didn't..,..we didn't have the money to spend a fortune believe you and me and I am very old fashioned in a way as we didn't want to spend a fortune as it is one day and ours was just as beautiful as anyone spending £20,000...more so in a way as it was intimate and we got to talk to urs guests and we had a nice intimate dinner with all of us chatting and watching the fireflies dancing over the garden...

GemzyKate

anderson8 wrote: »

i do not think it is anymore "crass" making people aware that if they wish to give a gift then something to put towards a honeymoon that would be gratefully recieved than people having a gift list.

I agree, having a gift list is just as 'crass', as asking for a contribution towards your honeymoon, if not more so.

Idiophreak

NEH wrote: »

I've known people spend a fortune on their wedding which is their choice but at the end of the day when they turn around and say well we don't have enough money for our honeymoon, then you do feel that it's their own fault and maybe they shoulnd't have had such a grand affair if they couldn't afford it....

It's not often a case that they can't afford it, just that they'd like to be able to do more stuff on the honeymoon and make it more special/memorable.

I've given plenty of people money toward their honeymoon and am absolutely fine with it - a couple (a nice idea, btw) have sent photos afterwards of them doing the thing we paid for...If they get an extra couple of happy memories out of their honeymoon, I think that's money well spent. Rather that than buy them some crystal glasses to sit in a box in the attic for the rest of their lives.

In reality of course, most people will just do all of the things on the list anyway - and end up with a little more money at the end of the thing - with which they might buy themselves some bits and bobs once they're back...which is fine too.

anderson8

NEH wrote: »

That's a very rude question but yes we paid for most of them who are immediate family...The the other immediate family could afford it very easily...Same for the two sets of friends we had... 13 in total...

i think its quite rude to call people crass when they have said that they are asking for contributions towards a honeymoon.
it seems that it is okay to ask people to pay the money to fly out to a wedding abroad, but not to specify a preference it wedding gifts on an invite

GemzyKate

NEH wrote: »

That's a very rude question but yes we paid for most of them who are immediate family...The the other immediate family could afford it very easily...Same for the two sets of friends we had... 13 in total...

Apologies if I offended you, it wasn't intended to be rude, I just assumed that since this is a forum about money, it would be okay to discuss it...silly me... :doh:

laurajayne

I'm not married, nor am I engaged (I make wedding cakes for a living, hence why I'm browsing around here lol).

All I can give is my thoughts as a guest - and an experience that really put me off giving anything.

Isn't you finding your beloved and getting married enough gift I'm not sure where this whole buying huge presents, or giving vast sums of money came from....

Last year, a friend from school got married, and I was invited. It was a fairly low key affair - reception in the back garden, buffet tea.....watching their pennies, fair enough. (Apart from the fact that there was only about 10 chairs and 70 odd guests.....having to sit on the grass in your wedding best didn't go down too well!). Anyway, they wanted quite a detailed wedding cake - and asked me to help them. I asked for them to cover the cost of the ingredients and materials (on a three tier fruit cake, it can top £100!). This they did, and I made, baked, decorated and delivered their cake to them happily.

Now I considered the time that I gave them my gift to them, and just gave them a card on the day, with my heartfelt best wishes. Speeches came, thanks to everyone, by name, who helped.....except me. Righto, well cheers, but I'll live.

Few weeks later, and the other guests are thanking them for their lovely thank you cards on Facebook. You guessed it, I'm still waiting! I've said never again since....

Charliezoo

We just received an evening invite to my partner's sister's wedding (they only found out each others existence 10 yrs ago and have seen each other a handful of times) and couldn't believe one of those 'money' poems was stuck inside! I think it's particularly cheeky to ask for money when only inviting to the evening do, I won't even mention gifts in the evening invites.

I don't really like people asking for money anyway but that's a personal thing - mainly because I absolutely love shopping for the gift when I go to a wedding.

We don't really need much for our house but I love the thought of my home being filled with lovely gifts that will always remind me of my wedding day and the person that bought the gift for us - that's what's most important for me.