How would we ask???

GemzyKate

I will be asking for a contribution to our honeymoon and do not see a problem with it personally (however, we wont be using the cheesy poem to do it, they're awful, and make asking for money sound worse...I like BarbC's suggestion, much better!).

Ive been to several weddings where the bride and groom have asked for cash, and there's nothing wrong with it. From a guests point of view I was just glad my money was going towards something of use, rather than some tat that would be shoved in the back of a cupboard or stuck on ebay the next morning!!

I have also been to a gift list wedding...which was awful. The invite just said..'If you would like to buy us a gift, we're registered at House of Fraiser', so me and a few friends popped along to buy our gifts, only to find there were none on the list that cost less that £100 - £150!! :eek: It was so embarrassing, as none of us had that much to spend. We were fuming!

So, I can't see the difference between asking for specific gifts/vouchers and money to be honest. Helping us afford to get away after our wedding is the best gift we could ever ask of our guests, and is something we would remember and treasure for ever, that's far more sentimental than a toaster or a coffee machine!! :rotfl:

But each to their own I suppose.

Bride2be24

BarbC wrote: »

One of my workmates is getting married soon and on the bottom of her invite has put "Your presence at our wedding is the most important thing to us, but if you do want to give us a present, we would greatly appreciate a contribution towards our honeymoon". Which I thought was very nicely put.

all my invites are already printed out and ready to send, so how would i go about doing this?I like how it has been put x

rach_smarties

Bride2b24, you could probably just print separate cards with that on it to put inside the invitations, after all most invitations I have received which have any mention of a wedding list put it on a separate card or piece of paper and put it inside the invitation

PinkPeach

I don't think you can win either way - if someone asks for money they will know how much you gave them and equally, they will know how much each item on their gift list cost. For some reason I feel better giving money to the couple for whatever they want to use it for, rather than using my limited budget to pick one of the less expensive gifts from a list.

goggle

Artytarty wrote: »

I would like to give my friend something that she and her husband can associate with us and their wedding day.
She has asked our daughter to sing at her wedding and wants to know what to get her as thank you gift.
Is it OK for me to say "she'd rather have the money", in fact shall I just deduct it from what we were going to give you?

The correct response here would be: "Oh Katie doesn't expect a gift - singing at your wedding is your gift from her "
Then you give a small gift from the rest of the family ....

NEH

I personally if I were asked to give money specifically would refuse....I think it's crass...

I also don't agree with paying for someone else to have a good time...I have to save for holidays why can't other people....I've known people spend a fortune on their wedding which is their choice but at the end of the day when they turn around and say well we don't have enough money for our honeymoon, then you do feel that it's their own fault and maybe they shoulnd't have had such a grand affair if they couldn't afford it....

My husband and I did without a "proper" honeymoon...It's nearly a year since we got married and whilst we hoped we would have gone this year it isn't going to happen, so we'll wait until we can afford it, something that is lacking these days...A honeymoon is a luxury, not a necessity again something which gets forgotten these days....

Honeymoon's used to be a couple of days away nearer to home, i think there has developed a certain blow the budget it's got be extravagent attitude today...Sometimes the simple things are best and and as long as you are with your new wife/husband it shouldn't matter where you are or what you're doing or whether somewhere has a private pool or whatever...

If people choose to give money then fair enough, I might choose to do that myself but I would never dream to ask for it....and I personally would feel guilty having a glorious honeymoon at someone else's expense, especially when they can't afford a holiday of their own and having a good time thanks to them....

I know people have been together years but think outside the box...I know a fair few people when they talk about this you say well how long have you had your dinner service and they say years and so i suggest they update that and get something that will last and some peole haven't thought of this...You may seem to have everything but even we found things we didn't have or things we could "upgrade". Even things like pictures people forget that that can be a lovely present or vouchers towards them...

anderson8

NEH wrote: »

I personally if I were asked to give money specifically would refuse....I think it's crass...

I also don't agree with paying for someone else to have a good time...I have to save for holidays why can't other people....I've known people spend a fortune on their wedding which is their choice but at the end of the day when they turn around and say well we don't have enough money for our honeymoon, then you do feel that it's their own fault and maybe they shoulnd't have had such a grand affair if they couldn't afford it....

My husband and I did without a "proper" honeymoon...It's nearly a year since we got married and whilst we hoped we would have gone this year it isn't going to happen, so we'll wait until we can afford it, something that is lacking these days...A honeymoon is a luxury, not a necessity again something which gets forgotten these days....

Honeymoon's used to be a couple of days away nearer to home, i think there has developed a certain blow the budget it's got be extravagent attitude today...Sometimes the simple things are best and and as long as you are with your new wife/husband it shouldn't matter where you are or what you're doing or whether somewhere has a private pool or whatever...

If people choose to give money then fair enough, I might choose to do that myself but I would never dream to ask for it....and I personally would feel guilty having a glorious honeymoon at someone else's expense, especially when they can't afford a holiday of their own and having a good time thanks to them....

I know people have been together years but think outside the box...I know a fair few people when they talk about this you say well how long have you had your dinner service and they say years and so i suggest they update that and get something that will last and some peole haven't thought of this...You may seem to have everything but even we found things we didn't have or things we could "upgrade". Even things like pictures people forget that that can be a lovely present or vouchers towards them...

did you have a gift list?

zzzLazyDaisy

PinkPeach wrote: »

I don't think you can win either way - if someone asks for money they will know how much you gave them and equally, they will know how much each item on their gift list cost. .

When my friend got married they told everyone that the greatest gift they could give was their presence at the wedding, but if they wished to make a contribution to the wedding, please would they put the money in a blank envelope and place it in the box provided. The idea was that it would be an anonymous contribution and therefore wouldn't put pressure on people. In fact lots of people wrote cheques, or included a card, so they did know who it was from, but quite a few people made small anonymous donations which were just as appreciated.

NEH

anderson8 wrote: »

did you have a gift list?

We had a very small wedding, so need for one....We also got married abroad (not long haul) and felt that the people that attended had already given us their company and their time so we chose not to ask and we told people that their attendence was enough....We left it up to them if they wanted to give us anything else but in no way did we expect anything...

missy_moo_5

I think it's always going to be contentious, unfortunately.

We are doing the cheesy poem. However, it's a small family wedding and I think we have made a good judgement over how it will be taken due to knowing very well the people who it will be sent to (i.e. not people with partners we have never met, or distant relatives, etc). In fact, in 95% of cases the invitation recipient will already have had the conversation with us (as lots seem to have asked already what our wishes are for presents) and in every case we have said we don't expect a thing as most people are spending money staying over but that we will be going away for a small holiday a couple of weeks after the wedding, and would really, really appreciate some spending money for that or money towards some redecoration in our house but only if they are adamant. So people know what is coming anyway, and we have stressed on the card we don't "expect" anything in the first place. It's the old "your presence is present enough" line.

We've done it on a little business card size card and put it in with the invitations.

We've been to 3 weddings this year who all did different things relating to giving money - one with a wishing well type thing (which I thought was quite fun) and one cypriot wedding where the tradition is to give money but to pin it to the brides dress - she didn't want anything pinned on to her lovely frock so they had a big toddler dolly in a wedding dress on a table, and everyone pinned money to that instead which was really good fun and in keeping with their traditions.

Another wanted spending money for their honeymoon in Vegas. Rather than just giving sterling, we got it changed into Dollars for them ready.