Marriage breakdown..when does it get easier?

Bobby1982

bank_of_slate wrote: »

Hi Bobby, You're obviously under immense amounts of stress and pressure and that is going to affect your health and exacerbate existing conditions even more!
Have your company got an occupational health department? Could you maybe return part time to ease yourself back into work?
...Linda xx

Hi Thanks for your reply. Yes I do have occupational health but they havent been of much help as my allergies are a guess a bit unusual for them to deal with. I had a referral to them some time ago but they couldnt suggest alot. My job isnt really something I could do part time as I need to be there all the time. Its one of the reasons I feel im letting them down because Im just not up to it yet.

Bobby1982

MyRubyRed wrote: »

Hi Bobby ...please please don't resign from your job. I think you'd be making a big mistake. You've already said that you have worked hard in your role for a number of years and you should be proud of your achievements and the job you do. You aren't letting your team down, you just are unwell. Re your team, it could be that they just don't want to intrude and allow you the time to recover. You've got a hell of a lot going on love and like most of us you ain't superwoman. No one is.
Re your friends, my advice would be to let that rest for a while.
XXX

Thanks Ruby, I am thinking it over at the moment. I have alot of time to think as im not sleeping well. Its a job ive worked hard for and have worked for the same firm for 9 years, so its a hard thing to consider..but I feel if I dont return soon it wont be long before it reaches the dismissal point as despite the help im getting it can only reach a certain point attendance wise when It gets to dismissal. I wonder whether I may be best to walk now and take a few months to get myself well, free from the worry of that and find something new.

Bobby1982

skintdragon wrote: »

Chin up; you will get plenty of moral support on here.

Sorry to hear about your health problems and your marriage.

May I ask what you do for a living? Would it be at all possible to work from home? I know it's not always appropriate but if you suggested it, it may come across as you being keen and willing to do your job despite not feeling well. Obviously, take things slowly.

I know you're probably in a catch- 22 situation, but sometimes you may (or not) find that keeping yourself busy (like working from home) will help keep your mind stay relatively focused.

I cannot compare my circumstance to you but I have also been feeling a bit down in the dumps lately and my self- esteem has taken a big bashing; my confidence is at an all time low. But I have a dissertation to submit and I am trying (being the operative word!) to forget about the bad things... I cannot afford to waste my energy on feeling sad. It is draining me.

I keep telling myself not to waste my energy on negative things. Sometimes it helps.

Keep us posted, and remember to take one day at a time. :A

Thanks Skintdragon. Unfortunately my job isnt something I could do from home sadly. To be honest at the moment I dont feel well enough to do much. The most I do Is check my emails and on here a few times a day, or when I cant sleep, but get quite bad sinus pain and feel rubbish alot of the time. Im on here now as I cant sleep again.

I think I am in a bit of a slump what with the divorce and my health and its feeling like something has to give. The past year has been really hard and I wonder whether I need to make a change, like resigning and maybe taking a few months to get myself back to some kind of health & then look for new work. Id rather do that than lose my job due to poor attendance. I feel like I need to do something to change things.

Bobby1982

Can I ask you all what you think of this idea..

Resigning from my job and taking 3-4 months to get my health better and find a new job, maybe something more flexible like home-working or something. I trying to reorganise my finances and possibly could manage for that time (would have to look in more depth etc but if I could raise the funds)

Im at the point where I dont know when im going to be well to go back to work..could be a week..could be a few more weeks. It was being there that caused the last flare up and my allergies are always worse the more pressure im under.

Would it be stupid to give up a job ive had for 9 years to take some time out? One part of me doesnt want to do that but another part of me thinks I cant go on like I am and my health has been so bad this past 6 months. Also theres a good chance I will end up at the point of dismissal if I were to have further absence as Ive already had a warning so far and am due a further attendance review when I go back which will no doubt lead to a further. Should I cut my losses now?

Morglin

Bobby1982 wrote: »

Hope its okay to post in here, but I feel so low right now. I split with my husband a year ago, not what I wanted but it happened and its been a really hard year. I have on- off health problems and severe allergies which cause infections and make like miserable. I had a flare up recently due to building work/painting being done in the office and Ive been off work on and off now for about 6 weeks. Ive just found out my ex has a new girlfriend and he is eager to get our divorce complete (nearly at the end of it). Ive found myself breaking down tonight and I cant go to sleep now. Im due at the hospital first thing and I just feel like nothing is going to get better for me. Im taking lots of painkillers and am on high dose steroids and feel like my body isnt my own at the moment as its made me bloated, gain weight and miserable. I know its stupid but spent the whole night crying because I miss him so much. He wants it all done and he doesnt want me back and so I guess I have to finish the divorce and let him have his life the way he wants it.

Ive found this past year very hard, each time I get up, I get knocked down healthwise and am on hardly any pay at the moment. I have a decent job but feel im letting people down not being there as Im a superviser and I honestly feel like the people I work with probably dont give a damn if im there or not. Had the odd text of a few of them in all this time, but thats all. People I guess arent very understanding when you have to keep taking sick time. I used to have a good circle of friends but the ones I do have left are busy alot working & with own lives and my best friend fell out with me over xmas as I wasnt well enough to attend a friends wedding. I was suffering with depression and was in a bad way at the time. She has cut all ties with me, so it feels like there is such a hole in my life.

Im trying to stay positive and trying to manage my money the best I can but It honestly feels as though things just keep rolling downhill. I worked very hard for my job and its quite pressured but I always liked it however stressful it could be, but my health seems intent on ruining my job too. Im due to see the specialist tommorow and awaiting an MRI scan & was hoping so much Id be well by now to go back to work, but I no im not up to it and will have to phone my boss tommorow and tell him, more letting people down.

Does life get easier after a marriage breaks down? I feel as though my body is giving up on me & just want some normality in my life again.

Im sorry to ramble on, probably not even the place to do it, but have to get it off my chest and this site has been so helpful to me since joining im very grateful.

I left my husband after being married to him for 30+ years and with me having a lot of major health problems/disabilities.

The initial feelings were ones of relief - I felt 10 years younger, and I knew that I had done the right thing for me.

I'm now married to a wonderful guy, and I've never been happier.

But, it's a funny thing - however much you might want a break up, many feelings come into play in the aftermath of the break - since that time I have felt sorrow that it didn't work for life, guilt at times, and a piece of music can bring back a sharp memory, some of them good.

When he had a heart attack a couple of years back, I felt anxious and very sad - luckily, he did recover.

All I can say is the life does get easier, and you think about ex less and less - it's now at the point, for me, that I can't quite believe I ever married him to begin with, let aone hold it together for so long, as we are so different in outlook etc.,

Just bear with it, and try to build a new life for yourself.

Lin

nickih28

I split with my EX 15 months ago after i found he was having another affair and i find it very hard knowing he is with the woman he was having an affair with and now my DS has started staying there as well becuase he is angry and is blaming me for everything (he is 14 and going through normal teenage stuff as well as the split and he has girlfriend problems as well)

just when i was thought i was getting over the EX, DS has moved in with EX and the girlfriend spends a few nights a week there also, it breaks my heart they play happy families while i am at home with no money and no one to go out with, (the girlfriend has money and has spent thousands on EX and is now spending on DS)

I know how you feel about them moving on and being happy while we get left behind and i hope you get your health sorted as a first and then maybe things will get better for you

i know you say you have put weight on but maybe a new hair cut and make up, i know it made me feel tons better and didnt cost to much

Bobby1982

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. Im feeling a little better today..taking it day by day as seems I have 1 good day followed by several bad ones...but got to be hopeful. Im due to see the doctor again tommorow and then need to contact work. I wish I knew what best to do. As mentioned taking some time out may be something I could do, to get myself well & maybe find alternative work from home or something..but its hard to know whether best to turn my back on what ive worked for all these years for, not to mention the salery (isnt alot 20k but is better than other jobs).

My concern at the moment has to be whats best for my health. Being in the office keeps causing me allergic flare ups (paint fumes, perfumes etc) and ends up me having infections that can get pretty severe. I keep going through it and its taking its toll on my body and my mind. But at the same time I earn a decent wage, in a stable job for a company ive worked for 9 years. In the current climate would it be stupid of me to walk away from that?

These are the things im trying to weigh up. What I can see though is something needs to change..I cant go on like this. Even if I do manage to go back soon will it lead to the same again as it has done several times already this year..and ultimately lead to dismissal. Would I be better to decide for myself now and start afresh? Its a risky decision to make, but my health being this bad worries me as 3 years ago I was off work for ten months with ill health which always seems to get worse the more stress im under. I dont want to go back to that.

If anybody has any advice on this Id be most grateful as its spinning in my head right now, feel I have to make a decision for my sake and for my employer.

Bobby1982

nickih28 wrote: »

I split with my EX 15 months ago after i found he was having another affair and i find it very hard knowing he is with the woman he was having an affair with and now my DS has started staying there as well becuase he is angry and is blaming me for everything (he is 14 and going through normal teenage stuff as well as the split and he has girlfriend problems as well)

just when i was thought i was getting over the EX, DS has moved in with EX and the girlfriend spends a few nights a week there also, it breaks my heart they play happy families while i am at home with no money and no one to go out with, (the girlfriend has money and has spent thousands on EX and is now spending on DS)

I know how you feel about them moving on and being happy while we get left behind and i hope you get your health sorted as a first and then maybe things will get better for you

i know you say you have put weight on but maybe a new hair cut and make up, i know it made me feel tons better and didnt cost to much

Sorry to hear what you have gone through...sounds like a very tough time for you. Its so hard going through things like this.
I definately do need a hair cut..my short hair is looking very long and not good. I dont go out the house except to the doctors, feel as though im hiding away in here. Im almost worried to go anywhere in case it looks bad on me..I know people would view it that way. I dont feel as though I have any support at work, bar a few collegues who texted a few weeks ago, not heard anything except an email asking for lottery money. It seems when you are off work too often..people get fed up quickly and dont try and understand. I find that hard as it makes it more daunting to go back.

woodpecker

Bobby,
Your job sounds really tough and enough to drive most people to illness, let alone the other problems you are going through! Although you feel really terrible, I urge you not to resign, as you might lose money/benefits/help because of this. You are entitled to all of these things, so hold on!
The fact that others at work are not able to take over your role is not your responsibility, and if anything it shows how hard your job is. Don't feel guilty - concentrate on getting better.

Bobby1982

Thanks all for the replies. I am not going to resign..going to take a bit of time to try and get myself well, dont think im thinking that clearly due to the medication and am certainly not sleeping.