"Friend" hassle

tabskitten

I have had similar problems but once the item that I ''lent ''a friend was a large sum of money.

I found it very stressful to have to keep asking for it back- i eventually got it back but ever since have vowed never to let anyone borrow anything that I am not prepared to write off.

And tbh I stick to it, I generally do not lend out things that I know that I am going to want back, and stuff I do lend I see it as a bonus if i get it back, this saves lots of stress.

I also tend not to ask to borrow things anymore- unless the person is chucking them out.

Sad in a way but saves a friendship sometimes, I am also surprised that you still choose to lend things to this person considering her track record.

top_drawer_2

I'm surprised I have lent her stuff again, I just tend to allow people too much space and give them excuses. I am not going to bother her from now on, I am working the night that we previously used to go to a exercise class together and she never rang/text or wanted to do anything when I suggested it on any other night so I'm just going to do the same. If she goes into hospital then I will see how I am fixed for time but I will definitely not be visiting her every other day as I have in the past. Nor will I be available to sit in A&E with her.

silvasava

Its sometimes a hard lesson to learn Top-drawer. We all know that friendships are give & take but when they get too one sided its time to cool it. I think a get well card would be sufficient while she's in hospital. As you say you need to learn to be a bit more assertive too - one of the phrases I found helpful when you're not sure if you want to do something you've been asked is to say ' I'm not sure - I'll get back to you on that' which then gives you the space to think it over & say no gracefully. Remember - you dont have to give anyone a reason why you say no.

Good Luck

top_drawer_2

It certainly is a hard lesson for me to learn, with this person I kind of thought that when she was a little better she would return the favours but somehow she always has something wrong or I don't see her. She doesn't ask me to visit her but she does text me to say she is in hospital again ... this past few weeks I've also had text messages each time she is on her way home on the train from her hospital appointments - obviously she's bored and figures she will do a few things she's been meaning to get round too.

LJM

i think you live and learn,dont waste your time or energy worrying about it,if she was a true friend she would be there for you as much as you are for her. i have 3 true friends my partner and 2 girls i have known for over 20 years. i see people at my girls school talk to peeps etc but i dont class any of them as friends they are more like aquantances and i dont suffer fools gladly so i speak out of politeness. i would rather spend time with real friends