"Friend" hassle

ceridwen

Zazen999 wrote: »

Just go round and get the things; don't leave until you have them [or at least the most important of them] and then let it go.

It's not worth it.

Thats what I was about to suggest too.

I would go round at a time when I knew she was in - with a list of my possessions on me - and wait there until she looked them all out.

Be prepared for the fact that she may say "I'm about to go out...can you come back some other time?" and she might even start heading out the door to "prove the fact". If she does this - your reply is "That's okay - I'll stay here and look them out and post the key back through the door when I've finished:). You go out and have a nice time - I'll be alright on my own:)". She'll soon change her mind about "going out" and have to set to and root them out.

top_drawer_2

Thanks everyone for making me laugh especially ceridwen - I love your suggestion!

I would pop round and collect the item(s) but she didnt offer that and I figure I will see her in the future anyway... Honestly I somehow end up feeling guiltly for being "pushy" about it. I know I should stop doing stuff for her but I always give this individual extra room because she has a chronic disability (which I often feel she leans on but then feel bad for feeling like that, in my more negative/angry moments I just feel like telling her to "get with it" and get a job, too much time on ones hands lends to finding things to do/worry about - lol pot and black I know).

Thursday Next - I texted her saying I was having a rough time could I come round and have a chat, I would never normally invite myself like that. I wouldnt say she was a particularly good friend, she is inpossible to motivate (I always have to suggest things to do otherwise its a cuppa at her house/my house). I'm not sure its worth saving or the hassle to be honest, I can stay on good terms but just not "freinds" exactly.

Bestpud - That was the intention but she kind of said Oh yes, I will put them aside for you ....... and didnt move. She is very good (better than me anyway) at being assertive it seems which p!sses me off too. I would have also gone round on Thursday but she was at her families miles away. I will not be lending her anything else again don't you worry.

Katy - actually I lent a number of these things to my friend while she was in hospital, to make it less ardourous for her, books etc. TBH this person doesnt really do fun as such .... she's doesnt do much in fact, I've stayed friends with her because she's nice, but at the same time I can't help noticing she never thinks to do nice things for me. For instance if I see something in town like a Hello Kitty cheapish item I would probably get it, or that they had Rocky road in Morri's the other week so I got some for her bday ....

Welshmoney lover - I have two guinea pigs they love me very much despite everything and they chirp everyday :j:j

Thanks everyone, I think I will have to text her or something and tell her I will pop round for my things and to put them aside for me.

BitterAndTwisted

I suspect that the items you have loaned her have either been lost, broken or given away and that's the reason she hasn't returned them to you. What other explanation can there be when she neglected to go and find them when you were actually in her home?

As she's so fond of fobbing you off by text I'd send her one giving a date and time to collect your things. Once you've got them back take a few, very large steps away from this "friend". A proper friend she is not: she's a selfish user with no respect for you.

skiTTish

ditch her ,shes a user ,you deserve better!

pinkshoes

I'm not being rude, but you seem to be suffering from doormat syndrome, and need to be more assertive!

Just phone her up (or call round), tell her you NEED the item, and whatever excuse she throws at you, just play along with it with "oh, I don't mind waiting". As a last resort, tell her as you NEED it NOW, then has she got a spare £50 (or whatever it cost) to buy you a new one.

She doesn't sound much like a friend, so don't worry about being pushy. I'd also give her a dose of her own medicine one day and cancel at the last minute!

toniq

I'm really intrigued as to what the item is? I know it's not relevant but the curiosity has got me.

I'm guessing hair tongs/straighteners?

top_drawer_2

toniq wrote: »

I'm really intrigued as to what the item is? I know it's not relevant but the curiosity has got me.

I'm guessing hair tongs/straighteners?

lol no actually its a shrug/cardigan thing that I intended to wear on Saturday night as it wasnt warm enough to bare yet. I have also leant her some books for when she was in hospital and some coloured scarves. Nothing hugely expensive thankfully.

sp1987

Do you think she could have losst/broken/shrunk it in the wash? Maybe she is trying to get you a new one? All very cloak and dagger from her for not even a whole cardigan lol

kindofagilr

I had a friend who was house sitting for me and my mam when we went on holiday, and when I got back I couldnt find my mini disk player

She kept saying she would give me it back, but then never did

It took hwe 3 weeks to admit she had borrowed it and lost it (I actually now think her then boyfriend sold it for drugs, we didnt know he was on drugs until she broke up with him) she was trying to get me an exact replacement before she admitted to lending it (as she didnt even ask if she could)

toniq

top_drawer wrote: »

lol no actually its a shrug/cardigan thing that I intended to wear on Saturday night as it wasnt warm enough to bare yet. I have also leant her some books for when she was in hospital and some coloured scarves. Nothing hugely expensive thankfully.

I spent ages looking for my cashmere shrug and found it 8 months later at the bottom of my sons wardrobe?!?!?!

Maybe she has lost it? she might have got drunk and mislaid it, maybe go over all dressed up and say" hi i need my shrug, im on my way out and need it for my outfit" xx

If u need/want the friendship then u might have to see this as a trait of ur friend.