The cutting out/cutting down alcohol thread (part 7)

budget_babe

:wave: Hi Maman,

Re: the mini gym it is but a distant memory

The treadmill is now packed up and is waiting to be taken back to Argos land. Even Budgie dare not ask Mr Budgie to assemble anymore fitness equipement. (Well not straight away :rotfl:)

We are getting on much better now and he is improving so that is good news. (Though for some strange reason, he twitches if I mention the word treadmill)

Hope you manage to resist those bells?

Big hugs and take care
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Marru

Me again,

Studying abandoned for tonight, will order the booklet from the website 365 mentioned, will take wee sample in morning and take to surgery, have spoken to teacher we have tick chart going but I think I need to reinstate the reward for each tick (still thinking about this). Will try to chill re exams during time DD here after school and before her bed time.

HB - I think what GC meant was that don't carry on your shoulders stuff that is not yours i.e. something that you have no influence over i.e. you can not change it - you can only change how to react to it.

Ok something lovely: It is exactly one year today since I and BF met first time. I sent him a heart shaped balloon with text: I love you on it and it came with free choccies. So something small and silly and just perfect.

Night night...

brokepaolo

cheers folks.

You're right about romance not having to cost an arm and a leg, it's just that I seem to have a knack of going out with women who want to be treated like princesses in the expensive way and in the past I've got myself into financial trouble by caving in to their demands when really I would much prefer to run them a hot bath, cook a nice meal and watch a film, but that's probably me just going out with the wrong people.

But then again, I sometimes beat myself up a bit because at the age of 32 I'm living in a shared house, I don't drive and I rarely go on holiday. I know it's silly but I really feel that I have very little to offer.

That said, a very good friend of mine has recently fallen head over heels in love with a guy she met just a month ago and they're actually living together now because he had to move out from a bad situation he was stuck in with his housemates. He barely has a penny to his name but is a wonderful guy and even the more materialistic of people I know have said what a top bloke he is and how they envy them for being such a great couple. It's true, they're perfect together and it gives me hope that despite my meagre means, I will probably meet someone too at some point and things such as money won't matter a jot, nor should they.

I don't know if this happens to any of you but I become very reclusive when money worries are bothering me, I just don't want to see anyone or speak to anyone so I just hide pretty much. However, when I'm on my own, I stop feeling so bad and cook myself a meal with whatever I've got and it feels like a treat and an achievement to have cooked something tasty and to have stayed in relaxing with some music or a film.

Perhaps it's a shame thing, I get awfully embarassed when I can't afford to go out if someone asks me. I often ignore people's calls and texts completely rather than saying to them 'I'm skint, sorry' which would be such a simple way of doing things.

Anyway, in other news I wrote my dad a letter in a bid to ease his mind over that message he got from one of my creditors. It wasn't even a nasty one, it was just someone from lloyds asking me to call them but obviously, my dad knows why Lloyds are calling me and no matter how many times I have told him that once my DMP with the CCCS starts, I won't be harassed and nor will he(I rang Lloyds this morning and told them in no uncertain terms to 'please do not call my 74 year old manic depressive father who lives 150 miles away from me. you've got my number and I've told you my situation, thanks) but with depression, once the mind gets hooked on one negative thought, it sticks with it until one day, it just vanishes.

here's hoping that day is sooner rather than later.

graemecarter

honeybear wrote: »

Ok, time for a bit of bear stuff - GC, i know you've explained this before but please will you go over the dealing with stuff by either accepting it or walking away thing again? I sort of get it but then how do you do it without being a doormat or losing your principles or job etc etc.

Sorry to be a pain, I know you have explained it. I just have a thing to deal with (work-related) & i'm struggling

Thanks

ps.insights from anyone else also gratefully received

Unfortunately many things in life are rarely black and white, and of course there are no hard and fast rules (apart from I know that having a drink will not make anything better for me!), however (as has been said here) many things in life are out of our control. We cannot control people, places, or things.
Thus we are in a better position to understand what we cannot change, and also have the courage to change the things we can.

The only thing I know 100% I can change is my reaction to someone/something. I cannot change the person, but I can change how I act and react to them.
If I know I cannot change a situation (and much of life we thankfully have no responsibility for) then the choice is either walk away, or accept it.

Like Budgie says, it's a judgement if something is chipping away at you, then walking away may be better.

There is a lot in life I don't like, but I accept a lot of it as a self-preservation/survival method. I change what I can, and also realise what I cannot change.

On the whole, my resentment at someone/something is directly proportional to my expectation of them/it.
If I have no expectations, then I cannot get resentful.

My final thing is that when I don't know what I should do, I ring someone and talk them honesty through the situation. 2 heads are better than one. The person I ring most often will regularly ask me to look at my part in the problem. If I do that I often see self-seeking motives, such as pride, dishonesty, sloth, self-centredness. If I remove these motives from the decision (I am blind to them sometimes) then everything comes clearer. Then I can make the most rational decision possible, and if I don't like the outcome, then I cannot blame myself as I kept my side of the street clean and tidy during the decision making process.

Miss_Piggy_2

Morning all

Few people going through things here lately

Marru - ((Hugs)) Hope situation with daughter starts to sort itself out soon. It can seem neverending when its happening. Hope you have a better day today.

HB - ((hugs)) to you too. Whatever it is you are going through I hope it resolves itself soon.

Brokepaulo - I'll echo what HB and 69chick have said. Don't let your financial situation affect your personal life. The right girl won't give a monkeys uncle how broke you are...as HB said, cheese on toast in front of the tv can be a romantic night with the right person! Me and OH have NO money but I know I would still rather be with him poor than someone else rich.:)

Well.....week one of Paul McKenna finished! And I have NO desire to weight myself!? Thats distinctly odd for me...when on any other diet I weight myself every blooming day! I think he's definately getting in my head....I'm finding it virtually impossible to eat unless I'm hungry!:eek: My DVDS have arrived at my Mums (always send parcels there as she's in more than me!:D) so will be watching them tonight. I'd better be losing weight though or I'll be devastated!!:rotfl:

AF again last night and will be tonight. I'm definately more lively if I don't drink during the week. Got a busyish few days now so need to be awake. Meeting at Piglets first school tomorrow morning and then Friday morning I will probably be aking my nan to the hospital for them to check the lump on her head (don't know if I told you but both my Mum and my Nan have been diagnosed as having skin cancer:eek: Mums lump being removed in 8 weeks time...not sure yet about Nans). Soooo I need to be AF and a bit "with it".

Anyway, best get on......catch you all later
:hello:to lovely Budgie and anyone else lurking around!

Miss P
xx

69chick

Just a quick one to say 1 more af day please DB :A

Can't remember what I was on before (may have been 11) but am just soo pleased I manged last night after having at least a couple for the previous 4 nights!

Hope you are all well, at work so will log on later xx

Pippilongstocking

Waves hello to all - OH's up and getting near a computer isn't that easy!

I hope you're all good - x

Being moderately good - low intake when I do drink anything.

Be glad when I'm finally moved house to be honest - this back and forth malarkay is really tiring!

Hugs to all x

maman

:hello::hello:

brokepaolo wrote: »

I know it's silly but I really feel that I have very little to offer.

Perhaps it's a shame thing, I get awfully embarassed when I can't afford to go out if someone asks me. I often ignore people's calls and texts completely rather than saying to them 'I'm skint, sorry' which would be such a simple way of doing things.
.

That's rubbish about the 'very little to offer' BP, we've only 'known' you a short time and you've had several offers! Lots of us have felt reclusive when asked to go to pub and not drink but strangely when you just come clean, most real friends just accept it and life goes on

Miss_Piggy wrote: »

I'm finding it virtually impossible to eat unless I'm hungry!:eek: My DVDS have arrived at my Mums (always send parcels there as she's in more than me!:D) so will be watching them tonight. I'd better be losing weight though or I'll be devastated!!:rotfl:

xx

How do you cope with family meal times with the 'eat when I'm hungry' routine MissP? and do tell us if it's working!!

fayjmck wrote: »

Be glad when I'm finally moved house to be honest - this back and forth malarkay is really tiring!

How long now before you stop being 'Two Houses Fay':D

maman

Marru wrote: »

I think I need to reinstate the reward for each tick (still thinking about this). Will try to chill re exams during time DD here after school and before her bed time.

Well done marru, giving her time is definitely the way forward.I'm all for lots and lots of hugs and praise for each tick then something special for a multiple (like 5 or 10). The something special is like going to the park, library, swimming, cooking together, board games, friends for tea etc etc I know you probably can't afford it anyway but do keep away from rewards that cost lots of money.

maman

Oh, and forgot to say

10AF please DB!