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The cutting out/cutting down alcohol thread (part 7)

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  • brokepaolo
    brokepaolo Posts: 164 Forumite
    One thing which people suffering from depression find very hard to do is see the bigger picture and how the reason they are feeling down is not down to one particular thing, moreover it is the condition itself which forces the brain into thinking that as a result of one event or situation, everything else in a sufferer's life is destined to be affected negatively as a consequence. this in turn makes that person question every aspect of their life, past, present and future and see it in an awfully negative light.

    3 years ago my mother died and at the time, my dad was surprisingly ok and coped as well as could be hoped for. He even got himself a dog and bought a new car but it wasn't long before he hit another low and he instantly pinpointed the purchasing of a new car as being his ruination, he would lambast himself for being so insensitive as to buy a new car so shortly after my mother had passed away.

    Admittedly, my sister and I weren't too impressed when he bought it because we actually did think that it was a bit of a flash gesture at such a time, but we kept shtum and put it down to everyone having their own way of dealing with tragedy and that it was his money so he could do what he wanted with it.

    I often worry about whether I'll suffer from depression like my dad does, there have been studies into it being a hereditary condition but no conclusive proof has been forthcoming. My father was adopted at a very young age but his adoptive father was clinically depressed and I sometimes think that living with someone who is depressed can play a large part in that person becoming depressed themselves.

    Both my sister and I have had our ups and downs, we've both undergone courses of antidepressant medication with varying results; I had no joy with them and stopped after a year, my sister on the other hand benefitted immensely from them and her doctor 'unprescribed' her from them just last year.

    I have lows just like everyone does, my main problem is that I don't see them as being temporary, I see them as signs that I am destined to end up suffering just like my father did. I recognise symptoms such as obsessing over particular issues in my life as being the root of all my problems(the way my last relationship ended for example) and I can't get that issue out of my head, it just sticks there niggling away and there's nothing I can do about it to make it better or make it go away. It's quite scary and it has a big impact on my life because I lose sleep over it, I can't concentrate on work and I'm very quiet around my friends if I see them at all.

    (and for those of you wondering why I'm posting this here...)

    You don't have to suffer from depression to feel depressed, it's natural for life to be good and then not so good from time to time. What is of vital importance is to differentiate between the things you can do something about to better your mood, the things you can't change because they're in the past and the things that aren't even really problems in the first place but you think they are because it's all you can think of at the time.

    If you are able to make those distinctions, then you're halfway there. Make a start on changing what you can, this will pretty much ensure what you can't change is out of your mind and the things you don't need to change won't matter at all, just as they shouldn't.

    Someone suffering from depression can't make those distinctions and therefore cannot begin to take corrective action on those issues, so they all pile up and they hit a low which feels neverending.

    By drinking too much, a person does the same thing, they remove their ability to distinguish between problems they can change and those they can't or don't need to.

    I had a LBM of a different kind(different to the financial one referred to in these forums) the other week. It was a very basic thing to happen but it meant a lot to me at the time.

    It was Sunday evening and I'd forgotten to put the recycling out. Now, as anyone who's fond of a drink or two will tell you, putting the recycling out is a bit of a walk of shame sometimes and although I'd been AF that week, I couldn't be bothered to go down to the kitchen because I was tucked up in bed watching a film. But it started to play on my mind that I didn't even know if there was any recycling to be done seeing as I hadn't been drinking at home at all, so I got up, went to the kitchen and sure enough there were just newspapers and cardboard in the box. I was so ridiculously happy at my discovery that I literally sprang to the front door with the recycling box and dropped it with pride outside on the pavement.

    This may sound absurd but the recycling bin has now taken on symbolic importance in my life. I judge how well I'm feeling with myself by how willing I am to see the recycling bin and for the past few weeks I've popped downstairs to the kitchen every day and smiled at it.

    looking at it when it's empty almost seems like it's smiling back. :)
    jusqu'ici tout va bien
  • 69chick
    69chick Posts: 544 Forumite
    Just popped on to say that I managed day 2 of the challenge please Sparkles and my figure is now 9 days af for May please DB ...
    Starting with Avon C6 target sales £150.00
  • gien
    gien Posts: 1,649 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Afternoon, just popping in to say hello and DB I'm on 12 now I think (honestly, I've lost track a bit).
    Trying to keep in budget.

    2270
  • Icandothis_2
    Icandothis_2 Posts: 43 Forumite
    A Merry 10 for me please DB.
    ICDT
    "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on"

    Thomas Jefferson
  • winebox
    winebox Posts: 1,129 Forumite
    I'm popping too.....

    in to say a quick hello.

    BP great posts - if we were in school I'd be trying to tippex your name off those essays & write mine on them :D. Not that tippex was invented then.

    Hope to see EVERYONE back posting on here v soon-you know who you are....although not if you're not actually reading this :cool::D
  • winebox
    winebox Posts: 1,129 Forumite
    P.S. to all you gardeners - what do I do with 2 bin liners of leaf mulch from last autumn...just spread it about a bit? Any plants esp like/ dislike it? Have developed odd habit of saving used teabags for the rhododendrons - why?
  • Lurkio
    Lurkio Posts: 3,155 Forumite
    winebox wrote: »
    Have developed odd habit of saving used teabags for the rhododendrons - why?

    Because you're nuts? confused0024.gifconfused0024.gifconfused0024.gif :rotfl:
    Miss_Piggy wrote: »
    Any other gardeners out there finding things a bit slow going?

    Yes :cool: - potatoes are finally making an appearance - not so much as a whiff of any herbage yet, though

    :DNeigh, neigh, and thrice neigh :D
  • Pippilongstocking
    Pippilongstocking Posts: 16,336 Forumite
    winebox wrote: »
    P.S. to all you gardeners - what do I do with 2 bin liners of leaf mulch from last autumn...just spread it about a bit? Any plants esp like/ dislike it? Have developed odd habit of saving used teabags for the rhododendrons - why?

    Adding leaf mould can be quite acidic - so if you've rhodo's then put it around them - which is probably also why you were saving tea bags (as well as being nuts!).

    I tend to use leafmould on my perennial beds as a mulch/organic matter enrichment/weed suppressant.

    I'd not put it beside beds of annuals or too close to veggies :)

    waves to lurks :)
    Total debt 26/4/18 <£1925 we were getting there. :beer:
    Total debt as of 28/4/19 £7867.38:eek:
    minus 112.06 = £7755.32:money:
    :money:Sleeves up folks.:money:
  • brokepaolo
    brokepaolo Posts: 164 Forumite
    I've just done a good deed at work.

    A friend of mine was made redundant a few weeks ago from a job he;d worked in for almost 2 years but as a contractor, so no pay-off.

    Anyway, I heard it through the grapevine that a certain team where I work are recruiting so I asked him for his c.v. and forwarded it on.

    two hours later and whaddya know, he's got an interview next week!

    I'm chuffed for him because his girlfriend works here but has only recently cut her hours to part time because she's going to university and also, they've recently just moved into a nice new flat by the park but it's quite expensive so one of the two has to be on full salary if they are to stay there.

    But, and it's quite a big 'but', I'm also anticipatedly chuffed because if he gets the job I ger a bonus of £750 when he starts and another £750 after 6 months!!
    jusqu'ici tout va bien
  • Lurkio
    Lurkio Posts: 3,155 Forumite
    fayjmck wrote: »

    waves to lurks :)

    We keep missin each other, Doc :(


    *waves back*

    :wave:

    :DNeigh, neigh, and thrice neigh :D
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