MSE Parents Club Part 12

pigpen

Buttons.. I hated DS3 when I was pregnant with him.. I had a termination booked and 'he' made me cancel it.. When I was in labour I was put 'in isolation' because I said I didn't want to be at the hospital and I sure as heck didn't want a baby. I didn't want to look after him.. I didn't feel like he was mine... and then he was very ill and I still didn't care.. I looked after him because noone else would so I had no choice.. I did this until he was maybe 2.5/3 ... That isn't peculiar to you.. it is something many many mohers go through.. The fact is you love her NOW and you provide for her NOW.. she won't ever remember or care that you struggled those first few months. As for her dad throwing it in your face.. let him.. he is only trying to cover his own faults and insecurities by keeping you down-trodden and feeling low.

It honestly sounds like you are better off at your mums, you can start making tracks to building a new home for the 2 of you and sort out your finances etc.. this sounds like a move for the better.. and a bit like he has found some woman he is interested in enough to bring home.

tiamai_d

What pigpen said.

When asked if I wanted to hold DS2 I replied in all honesty 'not really, do I have too?', so not bonding happens. Folk just don't talk about it much because you know, its all supposed to go just like the tv.

Take time and relax, we're here when you need a moan.

searching_me

bm i'll 3rd the not bonding with zoe took me awhile to even think she was mine ... maoooosive ((hugs)) for you does sound better for you to be at your mum hope things look you for you soon x

Buttonmoons

Thanks

I know he deffo doesn't have another woman in the scene, if he did he wouldn't be half as bad as he is now. I've told him he should go out and meet someone instead of pining after me but he won't.

I'm only at my mums for a few days to get some breathing space. I'd rather he left because he can go to his mums no problem and live there permentatly, where as me and my mum end up at each others throats after a week, plus If i moved it would disrupt Keira, Id have to rehome cats etc, it makes more sense for him to go. The flat is in both of our names so I can't MAKE him leave, and wouldn't because I'm too nice for my own good really. But he knows fine that if he goes and rents a flat with someone he wouldnt get Keira overnight at all, not being funny but I wouldnt know them and most flatmates wouldn't fancy a child around the flat etc.

Its a complicated situation. I think maybe since I got approved for surgery he has been a bit worse, maybe knows that I'll get a bit better afterwards, will look more attractive etc. Things like this?

I'm not going to slate him because he has been a rock to me a lot, but he has changed a lot lately, and I can't handle it, he was always a passive aggressive but he seems to have flipped lately. Not sure why. But he phoned me not long ago crying down the phone because of what he said/did last night. Told him I don't know when Im home and he better look after the cats.

Buttonmoons

As for the not bonding thing. Pigpen - Yes! That is what is what like, I just couldn't absorb the fact she WAS mine, I kept calling her Ellie (my sisters name) I think being seperated from her a week after she was born didnt help much, but it's a horrible thing to throw in someones face really. I try to let it wash over me, he's obviously struggling to accept things but it builds up.

SusanC_2

redmel1621 wrote: »

Personally I don't think much else about the budget will affect me as we are on such a small income anyway, atm. Once we have completed our degrees and have the ability to earn a decent salary I may rant a lot more;):p

The impact isn't really that significant though. As a percentage of net income, it ranges from 0.75% loss for the second income decile to 2% loss for the top income decile. (For some reason the second decile loses less than the bottom decile.) The actual amount the top decile (earning over £49k) loses is slightly under £1.6k (I'm reading these figures off graphs so can't be very precise) which doesn't really seem enough to cause problems for anyone.

Buttonmoons

There is a new budget calculator floating around, said we will be better off by about !50.02 a year or something.....

pigpen

Buttonmoons wrote: »

Thanks

I know he deffo doesn't have another woman in the scene, if he did he wouldn't be half as bad as he is now. I've told him he should go out and meet someone instead of pining after me but he won't.

I'm only at my mums for a few days to get some breathing space. I'd rather he left because he can go to his mums no problem and live there permentatly, where as me and my mum end up at each others throats after a week, plus If i moved it would disrupt Keira, Id have to rehome cats etc, it makes more sense for him to go. The flat is in both of our names so I can't MAKE him leave, and wouldn't because I'm too nice for my own good really. But he knows fine that if he goes and rents a flat with someone he wouldnt get Keira overnight at all, not being funny but I wouldnt know them and most flatmates wouldn't fancy a child around the flat etc.

Its a complicated situation. I think maybe since I got approved for surgery he has been a bit worse, maybe knows that I'll get a bit better afterwards, will look more attractive etc. Things like this?.

You CAN have him removed from the house even if it is in both names and mortgaged..

Buttonmoons wrote: »

As for the not bonding thing. Pigpen - Yes! That is what is what like, I just couldn't absorb the fact she WAS mine, I kept calling her Ellie (my sisters name) I think being seperated from her a week after she was born didnt help much, but it's a horrible thing to throw in someones face really. I try to let it wash over me, he's obviously struggling to accept things but it builds up.

Mine was in SCBU for 3 weeks.. but it was more the fact I didn't even want him made things so bad.. I felt like I had someone elses child to look after and all I wanted to do was give it back!

SusanC_2

Buttonmoons wrote: »

As for the not bonding thing. Pigpen - Yes! That is what is what like, I just couldn't absorb the fact she WAS mine, I kept calling her Ellie (my sisters name) I think being seperated from her a week after she was born didnt help much, but it's a horrible thing to throw in someones face really. I try to let it wash over me, he's obviously struggling to accept things but it builds up.

:grouphug: It's no wonder you struggled based on what you've said about how ill you were and how the hospital staff treated you. Being separated like that is bound to have an effect on you and having a significant health crisis assosciated with Keira being born wouldn't help either.

Buttonmoons

Pigpen - I wouldn't want to have him removed from the house, because I do understand his POV, I just hate how he erupts at me about it. I can't force myself to love him, and his idea is that I stay with him until Keira is 16 - because that's not dysfunctional *roll eyes*

I can understand that, if you feel you have been forced into having a child , I was going to get an abortion when pregnant with Keira, my stepdad changed my mind, promised me they'd help, do xyz for me, and they never did, but I'm glad I never did get it, she's amazing.

Susan - It was a hard time, but whilst I'm not 100% mentally healthy nowadays it's more issues with myself, and not with Keira. I have never experienced love until I had her, soppy as that is, but wasn't wanted growing up and never had love even aimed at me, she wakes up in the morning, turns over and strokes my face and whispers she loves me - then starts tickling me, but its great, I was even crying at her sports day as I was so overwhelmed with how I felt. I never thought I'd feel like that about someone, especially when she was born, I'm glad I do now.