don't want to go to lunch with work colleagues - how to say no?

qetu1357

My advice is go for the lunches.

How you get on with people is always much more important (in most places) than what you do.

spendaholiceejit

I think you've made a good decision than4, the occassional lunch will probably be the best option. It sounds like a bit of a nightmare. My excuse would probably me that I eat dinner with the kids in the evening so I wouldnt eat twice. Or if I did go out for them I would order a cheap starter and use this excuse.

zarazara

Just tell him you cannot aford it! Do it quietly and look embarressed.

chomsky_2

Ooohh this is a really tricky one, on the one hand you don't want to lie (especially about things like health) but on the other hand you don't want to exactly tell the truth either.

What I would do in this situation is what other have suggested and maybe have planned activities for your lunch hour when you know these 'work lunches' are coming up, (researching info on the web, extra work, meeting a friend for coffee etc).

I can understand how you are feeling as I don't get paid for my lunch hour (and tbh I don't get paid that much for my working hours either) and would hate to pay for a expensive meal, especially if I was dining with people I wasn't that fussed on. I like my co-workers but I don't really socialise with them and I myself would be making excuses if this was happening where I work.

If the problem persists maybe you could suggest to your boss a mid morning or late afternoon 'team coffee and cake' or something if he really wants you all to go out as a team. That way you don't look unsociable and you only have to spend a few pounds.

Hope everything works out!

jamespir

id just tell them the truth

chomsky_2

jamespir wrote: »

id just tell them the truth

I tried that approach once and went from an amicable relationship with co-workers to an evil eyes over the computer situation. Perhaps I was too honest, "I don't want to go for after work drinks tonight as you cried and then vomited in my handbag last time."

Pee

I agree with your approach, to try to limit it and come up with suggestions of places that might be better value for money.

Assuming you are not being paid minimum wage, where saying you can't afford it sounds reasonable, I would avoid saying you can't afford it unless you really can't as it might make them speculate on an imaginery drink/ drugs/ gambling problem.

I don't see any problem with getting out of it now and again and when you have to go, go and try to enjoy it!

After all it isn't very money saving to lose a job over a £20 lunch every month or so.

ERICS_MUM

Sounds like the manager is trying too hard to make the team bond. From personal experience I don't think it can be forced, it has to happen "naturally". Perhaps you could suggest another way to get the team to bond ??

When I managed quite a large team in a bank department, I held monthly "staff" meetings that were very informal. 2 groups so we had cover on the phones etc.

I supplied the biscuits/cakes, we got coffees from the vending machine and had a good chat. Topics ranged from real work issues, to Pat's grand daughter, Dave's brother in Dubai, holidays, rude customers etc. Someone (not me) was always volunteered to write the minutes (they were censored before going up on the notice board !!). We went to the pub for people's birthdays and all paid for our own drinks. I "allowed" the person whose birthday it was to have a long lunch hour (well, 2 actually :eek:).

As far as I could see all my staff worked well, pulled together as a team and were happy at work. It didn't cost them anything but we all got a lot out of it.

I do hope you can work something out, as it's miserable to feel uncomfortable or left out at work. Let us know how you get on.

Linda :beer:

getmore4less

Just as a matter of interest and possibly ballance.

Whats a reasonble lunch cost based on hourly rate(approx if on salary, eg £10ph gross is around £20k)

Our decent curry house lunches including drinks were under 1hr pay.

chomsky_2

getmore4less wrote: »

Just as a matter of interest and possibly ballance.

Whats a reasonble lunch cost based on hourly rate(approx if on salary, eg £10ph gross is around £20k)

Our decent curry house lunches including drinks were under 1hr pay.

I'm not sure on this one (my sister is a maths wizz so i'll ask her). Where I work all the cafes and restaurants nearby are quite fancy and charge an arm and a leg for a sandwich and coffee. I don't earn an awful lot so I always take my own lunch. The OP said that her co-workers were 'foodies' and liked very expensive places, so maybe they won't compromise and go somewhere a bit cheaper.