don't want to go to lunch with work colleagues - how to say no?

than4

I work as part of a newly formed, very small team. There is my boss, four other females and myself. My boss thinks he is very "cool" and wants us all to "bond" so often suggests we go out to a restaurant for lunch (at our own expense) or do other things together. The other girls are fine to work with, but I don't really want to be best buddies with them - and there is one girl that I really don't like at all, mostly because she seems to put down everything I say, whether in a meeting or in a social context. I can deal with it at work, but I don't like having to deal with it in a social context at these work outings. Plus, they always choose somewhere expensive for lunch (they describe themselves as "foodies") and I resent having to go and pay for myself when I don't enjoy the experience.
But I don't know how to say that I don't want to go without looking like I don't want to be part of the team and looking bad to my boss as he really thinks these outings are a good idea.
Any thoughts or suggestions welcome please!

shaven-monkey

Special diet. Your doctor says you have to eat a specific food at lunch time, bring a packed lunch with some nutrient / snack bars in clingfilm or something.
Then go eat where you want.

Alternatively say there's some items brought up by in the meeting that you'd like to research on the interwebs... get some brownie points for being all about the work, lose brownie points for not knowing "how to relax"

getmore4less

Tell them you think it is a rediculous waste of money and that you much more important things to spend your money on.

maninthestreet

If your boss wants you all to lunch together at a restaurant, he/she needs to ensure that your employer is footing the bill.

Bobl

Tell the boss that you can't afford to go out to lunch, and take your own lunch in. Honesty is the best policy.

CBR

I thought the same when I started my new job and was in a similar situation. The others were in their twenties and I was on the home straight to 50.

My interests were very different and I found it hard to communicate with them and hated every moment. The conversations were extremely uninteresting and limited to say the least.

I did not take part in any of the social activities and upon dismissal at the end of my trial period (because I had provisionally been offered another job, not performance related) it was brought to my attention that I was considered "socially inadequate in the workplace", so watch yourself!!

I was horified to hear this comment and greatly insulted, I enjoy my hobbies, motorcycling, superbike racing and am currently involved in restoring a classic car and photography.

I am therefore unsure what advice to offer because I myself can relate to how unbearable these work related social activites can be. In fact pure torture!!

Fluffi

Special diet is probably the most diplomatic way of avoiding lunch ... probably gets you out of after work drinks and things too if that's what you want.

Presumably the whole team (other than the boss) are on similar salaries so "can't afford it" option may not work if the rest of the team can afford to eat lunch out unless you want the rest of the team speculating about the massive debts you might have or constantly giving you money saving tips so that you can afford lunch.

holly2310

I'm in a kind of similar situation in that I'm the youngest in my team by about 12 years. I get on OK with my colleagues at work but they aren't the sort of people I really want to socialise with. I normally go with the can't afford it excuse if they do go out (which isn't very often), or try and make plans with another friend for the same day so that I can say I'm already busy.

mattcanary

Maybe you could go along for the first one or two lunches. You never know, you may decide you enjoy it and wish to continue doing it.

If not, well it would be pretty obvious that it is not really working well for the others, as well as yourself. You can then decide not to continue going in future. At least, it looks like you have tried to "fit in", if you do this.

That's what I think anyway, for all it's worth!

Missy™

Some people I know can't eat a main meal 'x' hours before they go for a run, or it plays havoc with their digestive system. You don't happen to go running after work every evening, do you....?

skintdragon

Be honest but keep it brief; you don't owe them any explanation, you're your own person and need not justify your decisions to others. Just say you cannot afford to eat out regularly as you are saving your pennies. And bring some packed lunches instead. If they start becoming clicky with you, just keep your head down and plod on.