Pay off mortgage and start having fun!

newgirly

Thanks Jimmy

Well the spending will continue it seems, my brother has invited us to his flat for drinks Friday night followed by an Indian in one of his local restaurants with our parents and Aunt. He only moved there
last year and apart from helping him move in I've not really been.

That's ok meal for two......then the boys are free too, then he bumps into Dd at the station (on his way to dropping off his washing at mums :rotfl:) and she and her boyfriend are free :eek: that's six for dinner in a restaurant.

Dds boyfriend may offer to pay but more than likely it will be dds turn to pay, I can't take money off them and not the boys as they don't have much. :wall:

These moments are quite rare but is such a lot of money unplanned!


Anyway moan over the sun is out and it's bank holiday weekend with not much planned. We are off to the inlaws for a "mil fancy buffet" on Sunday and my parents are invited too (to their dismay to be honest!) last time the went for dinner mum said she only eats fish and chicken beforehand and was served rabbit in paella :eek: she didn't realise until she'd had some.

Weigh in day today, I've done my usual of having too much booze and food at the weekend, but have been really disciplined all week and exercised a lot, going forwards this will probably be what happens most weekends really - I just can't be good ALL the time!

themadvix

:eek: to rabbit in paella!

Probably a step too far for you all, but we managed an Indian last night for £20 for both of us... did involved tap water and no fripperies though. I guess it depends on the company as to whether you can get away with it!

newgirly

£20 is brilliant Vix, think ours will go above that tomorrow unfortunately

newgirly

£16 in the off licence opposite little brothers flat, then £172 on curry for six :eek: ouch! Dds boyfriend offered to pay for them but I declined. It hurts spending that but we had a good night, just more expensive than usual.

It's beautiful today, need to stick to the WW plan so I can get some nice small summer outfits I lost 1.5lb this week, so that's 5 lb in two weeks - on track for target in July.

I feel bad I'm so behind with people's diaries here, I feel like I've kind of got out of the swing of things. I'm still very much up in the air as to whether to race to the finish line or take a slower route. This has been exacerbated by ds1 saying he wishes to learn to drive, this is great news and probably ds2 will join him in that. I'm honestly happy to pay, but having to keep add extra months on to pay for things doesn't feel like a positive step.

I'm not sure if it would be better to get a two year deal/term and op when we can? It feels like a big step backwards when we are so close to the end though. Plus the only thing keeping me going is the thought of a great holiday being the first thing we buy when mf and I'm desperate to go away now, never mind waiting even longer.

Much of this pales in comparison to the stress Im feeling that has been gradually building up as the boys do not want to go to uni and so far have no concrete plans for when they leave college very soon. Both want jobs/ apprenticeships and so far ds2 has applied for a few in media but as dd knows these are very hard to get into.

This is all quite alien as dd was very sure of what's she wanted from early on, I feel like everybody else's children have great plans for the future except ours and I feel really guilty.:(

I'm trying to no the panic as I don't want to wake up in the night in a cold sweat after having nightmares about having two fifty year old sons living at home with their parents with no jobs. :eek:

Sorry, bit of a depresssing post really!

daisy_1571

Morning ng

Seems funny to me to read a parent worrying about their kids getting out into the world of work rather than going to uni. In my view its uni that seems to stretch on endlessly and cost parents money :rotfl:, sounds like you have raised 2 smart ones there IMHO :T

The only advice I would give is what I was told - education or work. There are no options of not doing either and hanging around the house, so they must try everything to get work plus I would change your views from subsidised living. That does not teach anybody anything. They must pay their way as that focuses the mind on getting and keeping jobs.

A consistent theme of your posts, IMHO, is paying for the kids to do things and saying they never ask for things or they don't have the money or you couldn't take money off them. That's great and lovely and wonderful if you have endless pots of money and want kids that feel you can do whatever you want and money just appears to pay for it. I'm certainly not asking for 'justification' cos they are yours and you love them and of course don't want to see them struggle. I think from your diary you lived that way for years and have had to work really hard for years to pay debt off that arose from spending without due consideration. Just to take the Indian as an example, they were free, they went out they had a great time. You have had to adjust all your plans to take into account the unexpected expense. Im not saying there is anything wrong with that at all, it's lovely to have these unexpected lovely nights together. I'm just saying they accepted without having to think - that's likely to cost £30, can I afford that? What else will I need to give up to pay for that. That's the mindset they need to have as adults and you will be helping them sooooo much by helping them develop this whilst they are still at home. We all look back and realise we were never so well off as when we lived at home and after paying digs all our money was our own

Daisy xxx

Ps I'm 52 and only recently realised what I wanted to do as a job but for the 35 years prior I was never without a job - I worked part time from 15 when at svhool and college, i took part time jobs alongside full time work once I was working if I ever needed a bit more money. So not knowing what you want to 'do' is not a problem, you just get other jobs in the meantime whilst you make your mind up :T. It's certainly nothing to be guilty about. Other people may well have an idea what they want and manage to secure it. Sometimes they can't get it and have to deal with that then choose a new path. But lots and lots of people have no idea and just end up working to support the life we want to live. Did you grow up hoping to work in a binding factory? Would your parents have felt guilty if you hadn't expressed a burning ambition or would you feel that was purely up to you? Try not to worry too much ng, it will all work out in the end wellllll before they have lived with you another 30 years :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

newgirly

Hi Daisy, thanks for taking the time to read and reply I did try replying earlier but had constant interruptions plus a last minute trip to the cinema

We have done pretty much what you have said regarding education or work- and threatened that the boys would have to work for us unpaid if they do have nothing lined up, in exchange for bed and board of course, they really wouldn't fancy that :rotfl:

I've though a lot about what you have said about how much we spend on the kids and it probably apprears we spend a lot more than we do, in my head I have lots of things I want to do to help them but in reality they get £20 pm towards travel and the odd takeaway. I guess I feel a bit guilty as we didnt have much money when they were younger and now (if we chose to live like 'normal people' i.e. Not mfw'ers ) we would be quite well off. Both dh and I now have mini breaks and meals out together, so I sometimes feel like we should be doing more for the kids.

I think they do know the value of money, ds1 missed his friends 18th the other day as he had no money, I offered him £10 so he wouldn't miss out and he declined saying he didn't want to borrow as he wants to save his wages for when they go away. However I did then offer it as a gift - so I am probably a bit of a softie he did day no to that too mind!

So it's not so much that I'm worried that they won't be motivated to earn , more that they are both fairly low maintenance lifestyle wise and as long as they have enough for cheap gigs and the odd festival they are happy. At seventeen any amount of full time wage is a lot when you don't have expenses, I'm hoping they will appreciate the long term benefits of making life a bit easier by choosing something were they can progress and earn more.

I'm glad you have discovered what it is you want to do as a career, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up :rotfl: I massively disappointed my parents by leaving school and working in a clothes shop at 16 even though I ended up area manger by 17, you can't please everyone though!


Back later more a mortgage update when I've made my carrot and bean burgers

newgirly

Burgers cooked and eaten now, just waiting for the return of "who wants to be a millionaire" I used to LOVE this programme years ago! Even remember playing it one Xmas day on the ps1 when the kids were young, you can't beat a bit of nostalgia unfortunately all our lot are out and about all night, so I've only dh to beat!

I've spent what feels like half of the day on the phone to the building society as we can now reserve a new deal. I'm not exactly inexperienced with mortgages but even I was shocked at the depth of then questions - am I happy in my job, do I enjoy it, why do I like it :eek: anyway the system was down so after what felt like a counselling session I've had to book a third (two today...) call on Tuesday.

The big news mortgage wise though (for us anyway!) is I've paid all of our offset balance of the mortgage today :eek::eek::eek::eek:
£50,000! It's not a really a difference financially, more of a psychological thing. I feel it will stop the should we / should'nt we uncertainty of doing work on the house etc. Hopefully it was a good call

AlexLK

I've managed to do a little better today, NG. :rotfl: Not been on MSE for a week or so, though.

Re. your sons: I believe a degree is pretty much essential. Would not be surprised if my son still wishes to work in agriculture when older but I will stress the importance of at least getting a bachelor's degree and experiencing life at uni. What A Levels are they taking? If nothing else moving to another part of the country / world will at least provide them with an experience which differs from their life so far and the chance to focus on a subject of their interest. Only opportunity in life to do that properly, in my opinion. Can appreciate people can go to uni as an undergrad later in life but it cannot be the same experience.

newgirly

Hi Alex, glad you are well

It doesn't surprise me that you feel it's essential to get a degree, I guess if you know what you want to do then it may be somewhat easier to commit to further years and expense studying it. Personally I don't feel it's a worthwhile commitment to do just to have the experience of more independence away from home. Plus there's the fact that I don't get to decide and they both don't want to go.

The boys are between them doing combinations of ICT/business studies/film. Ds2 didn't particularly enjoy those subjects and did change one subject, ds2 loved film.

Dd loves uni and always wanted to go, being in central London meant not living away (way beyond what we could afford!) but she's met some very interesting people from all over the world, in fact she would probably disagree with my comment that it's not worth doing just for the experience!

I think it's still possible to build a career without one, currently there has been a renewed interest in apprenticeships being promoted which I think are a great alternative and also from the other side useful to businesses too. Dh himself started at 15 straight from school as an apprentice and now owns the company (and lunched with the queen after winning business person of the year ) couldn't resist putting that in :rotfl: I've seen my own family build their own businesses without even higher education, but times do change and more people have them than years ago, in some jobs you will not get an interview without that as a minimum, I realise that.

It's their choice in the end, it will be a case of fingers crossed it all works out :eek: It amazes me when I had three tiny exhausting children that I stupidly thought that by the time they were adults all my stresses about them would be gone, what was I thinking

greent

Sadly degrees are no guarantee of a well-paid career nowadays and I know of some graduates (2:1s, so not too shabby) who have shop jobs just to earn some money.

Our DD is just coming up to the end of the 2nd year of her degree and is loving the life (and doing well) and is totally the 'right' thing for her to have done. She will, however, end up with over 50k of student debt at the end of it.... DS1 (assuming he goes and does what he wants) will end up with even more, as his is a 5-6 year course. I've seen some of DD's friends start apprenticeships and they are earning good money whilst working towards professional qualifications. (Not possible for all careers - not sure I'd want a pharmacist to be able to go down the apprenticeship route! )