Pay off mortgage and start having fun!

gallygirl

If you were her what would you want? If she's a single mum with 4 kids she will have different priorities to the rest of you.

Her family are already planning a party and tbh it seems to me the hall/dj/limo etc is a 'grand gesture' rather than something they have put a lot of thought into.

How much are you personally prepared to spend, bearing in mind she is a good friend? Can you think of something based on 4x that? Better to have a list of alternatives rather than just saying you don't like something.

I expect she is not having a holiday - could you find her a week's caravan break and spending money? If I was her I would appreciate that much more. Shame the Sun breaks are done

Alternatively, how about lots of treats for herself? Vouchers for haircuts etc, maybe a different thing for one a week so she has a birthday month rather than day?

newgirly

Thanks GG, have have found a few ideas, spa day, themed restaurant/show/disco type thing, thames dinner/disco, hiring a room on a pub etc.

The holiday is a good idea, but she would not go alone with the kids I have suggested the sun ones to her before, plus she won't drive on motorways.

Froggy-G

Would your friend be able to free herself for a night out in the first place, knowing she has the 4 kids?
What would you like if you were her?

A day off from being a single mum of 4? Cheap spa day through Groupon or other? Nice meal, a bit of retail therapy.. It does not have to cost much.. The thought you put into it will have more impact than the money you spend on her..

Froggy

newgirly

I would prefer that, but i think it will be a group descision.

Peonie

What does she like to do?

I don't think you should hire a big hall for a party when her family can't afford to is wrong; they might be upset that they are being upstaged. Plus would she really want 2 parties?

Why not work with her family to make what they are doing extra special. Take her out for the day and help with the house decorating.

I like to try new things and always wanted to learn to ice stake so one year I had an ice skating lesson with my closest friends.

newgirly

Thanks peonie, have just been talking to dh and he says to set a budget and tell them thats what i can go up to, there are so many good ideas but i think they have decided on a party or limo. I am just dreading the conversation. we can do one big party at her house as there are too many people, but i do agree on the upstaging the family thing.

[Deleted User]

Hmmm ... thats a tough one- group mentality decisions can be hard as it ends up about the group dynamics rather than the decision itself or what is the "best thing" sometimes!!

I agree with others and you- what came to my mind at first was that her family may feel put out/upstaged if a big "fancy" party gets thrown without thier input if that makes sense- any sense involving them in this plan so at least if the party/limo is the way you go they feel included?

I personally like the idea of lots of "little" but pampering pressies like a spa day, haircut , free babysitting whilst she goes out (maybe with the group of you for cocktails or dinner? you could go for the "limo" idea then - or even just someones posh car with a hubby dressed as a chauffer?!)

See where you get to - totally agree coming up with some alternatives is a good way to go and see what people think - at the end of the day whats going on is friends want to make it special for your friend, but sometimes it takes a step back to think about the realities of it!

uzubairu

I had a similar situation to face with a colleague at work last year.
It too was for her 40th birthday.

In the end we decided upon an overnight stay in a nice hotel (for her and hubby) with dinner and disco, breakfast (following morning), late check-out, £50 spends and we sorted out childcare for her 3 kids.
She said it was the best birthday present she had ever had.

It wasn't too expensive once we split the costs, but the look on her face when we presented it to her 2 days before her birthday was priceless.

newgirly

Thanks guys, i'm just a bit stressed out at the moment I think, worrying that its going to be £100's that i just can't afford, plus worrying about dh's 40th.

DH's good friend at work is having a surprise 60 th in a couple of months with a caricaturist (sp) and casino, in a big hall, and he was saying how he won't be doing anything like that for his birthday.
So i'm thinking he wants something a bit extravagant, i told him about nearly booking alton towers and a hotel and was so glad I hadn't judging by his face, I think he is hoping for something good.
I don't know, perhaps I should postpone the mortgage repayments for a couple more months and spend !

newgirly

We have about 15cm of snow here, it looks absolutely beautiful outside, the kids are going to have a good day!

On a less happy note dh is suffering from stress I think, I have seen him like it before but this has been building up for a while. He is doing way too much, and things are very up in the air at work still with his late boss's wife still in the picture, and an uncertain future.

Thats one of the reasons that I'm trying to get rid of the mortgage early, but to be honest although dh says he agrees, if I said lets get a sports car for your 40th he would go for it. After speaking to him a couple of weeks ago, I asked if he felt more positive about our financial situation, (ie we are paying off the cc and mortgage) and he says it feels the same as we have never had any money and we still don't.:(
In the past we were always broke and putting food on the cc, adding to our debt by at least 10k per year(for about 10 yrs), so its a major change for us, still with lots of spending blips but generally not bad, we have paid off something like £20K in less than 2 years and paid cash for the log cabin and new bathroom.

I really don't know, I just feel sometimes like it can be a bit of a lonely journey in RL.