One sided friendship, what would you do?

top_drawer_2

hello,

Sorry to hijack the thread a bit but I have a similar situation and am not sure how to handle things .....

I have thought for awhile now that its a very one-sided friendship, she's ill with a chrinic condition but its always me who is texting her to come for a brew, go into town and Ive just recently just stopped. It was her bday a couple of weeks ago and I decided to get her a card and since I am struggling for money a box of rocky road. I texted her the night before to say happy bday, said I would come round if thats ok, she has never said yes do etc - in fact if anything she seems to be avoiding me. The only time she texts me is when she thought that our exercise class was on (it wasnt Bank Hol) and so wanted to meet at the bus stop. Before that she had a "bad day" and didnt come the week before .. without informing me properly.

I feel like I sometimes force her into things because she just kind of goes along with what I want to do!

Thanks for any insight.

steph25

Hands up, I am the same as in I have a friend who makes me feel used/crappy ie babysitting for days on end for free when she works so she doesnt have to pay £40 at a nursery and babysitting for her when she goes out.
I hate feeling like I have upset someone.
I have been friends with her since we were 15 and are now 28. Lots of stories of me being used but won't bore you are take over the thread with them!
I have a long term illness that stops me doing a lot but I would give my friend my last pound if she needed it.
I need to grow some imaginary balls and break out of the cycle of her using me - me cutting her off when it gets to much - her making me feel like crap for it - I end up helping her again cause i felt bad.
Anyhoo, i need new friends but its soooo hard to find people when you struggle to walk unaided due to inner ear/balance problems!
Good luck with this "friend"
xx

clarab_3

minerva_windsong wrote: »

I had a friend when I was younger who was like that, but it tended to be that she would dump her friends for blokes, muck said blokes about (mainly by getting new male friends and getting very close to them), and then come back to us when it all went wrong. She also thought the world revolved around her - our relationship began to fall apart when I was the only one in the group to side with another friend after a falling out (in my defence, we were 17) - and that she was always right, but was also a massive drama queen and very clingy in terms of needing that attention.

I put up with it for six years because I was (and still am, but nowhere near as bad as I was then) a bit neurotic about upsetting people and them not liking me, but looking back now I think it actually made my confidence issues worse. In the end I cut off all contact with her when I went to uni and haven't spoken to her in almost five years now.

There's a quote about friendship being like a bank account - how you can't keep withdrawing on it and not making any deposits. I think now might be time to think about closing the account and taking your money elsewhere (as it were).

you sound like me. Except I havent dealt with it yet. I was ok with it while I was happy and had the energy, but now I have a depressive illness brought on by stress (short term i hope) She's nowhere to be seen and it hurts like hell.

I know I have to see her in group company tomorrow and strange though it sounds Im scared. I want to confront it but it isnt the time or the place.

Im thinking of asking to see her alone next week. Ive never been a assertive person but i need to learn if Im going to get better.