One sided friendship, what would you do?

Feisty_Fairy

Hey all, looking for some advise please.:(

To cut a long story short i have a friend whom i consider to be my best friend, she has had a lot of problems lately, all stemming from a back problem, she has sever anxiety and depression along with anorexia, also she has had a lot of family and relationship problems, all of this has of course lead to her being very down and on 2 occasions she has attempted to take her own life.

I have supposrted her LOTS as a friend would and she is now getting much better, she has started to go out a bit (ie shopping etc) which she would never do b4, and has gained some weight and is sorting through her problems with therapy etc.:j

Well my problem is that because of all the problems in the past she has regularly let me down when we have made plans and i have let it go. During the week when the kids are at school i am busy every night with running the kids here and there and so thought it would be nice for us to get together this evening and have a real good catch up. We arranged this last week and i said i would confirm yesterday that it was all ok due to work etc, so i texted her last night to tell her all was ok and then again this morning as i hadnt heard from her. I rang her house this arvo to speak to her but was told she was out and about shopping with a friend (whom she never seems to let down), her OH said he would get her to ring me later to confirm tonight. Her son rang me to say yes all was ok, she was on the loo!:rotfl:

Next thing about an hour later i get a text to say she forgot that there was a footy match on that she just HAS to watch and i am still welcome to come round but that i have been warned!:eek:

I was so naffed off that she has let me down again after letting me down last week, this is also the last time i can make it due to the kids back at school next week that i texted back and just said "oh! Will leave it then i hate football". No kisses or take care etc like we normally would thinking she would think again and decide that getting together with me was more important that a footy match that she can record. If she was to text back and say come round and i will record the footy i would be there in a shot as i love her to bits but she hasnt!

So after what should have been a short story lol (SORRY) i dont know what to do, should i text her and tell her i feel she is not treating me fairly as a friend? (she has often said she thinks she is a bad friend and im always there for her, but i said she has had bad times to deal with so i understand). I have always kept my mouth shut b4 but should i now????:sad:

Sorry....... rant over!!!!:(

Any advice would be greatly appreciated xoxox

elsien

Doesn't sound to me like the sort of conversation you should be having by text, tbh - open to all sorts of misinterpretation.
You need to phone her or get together with her and have a proper conversation about how you feel. She probably hasn't given it a lot of thought, and if you've not said anything up till now, unless she's a bit of a mind reader she won't realise you're upset.
I can see why you're miffed, but if you don't say anything it'll just fester. It's just how and when you say it.

Feisty_Fairy

elsien wrote: »

Doesn't sound to me like the sort of conversation you should be having by text, tbh - open to all sorts of misinterpretation.
You need to phone her or get together with her and have a proper conversation about how you feel.

Hi i wouldnt be texting her with this i would phone her or try to get to see her, its just that she text me tonight to tell me about the footy so i text her back rather than phone her and lose my temper, i am very upset that she seems to think its ok to let me down all the time!:mad:

lostinrates

I'd spend a couple of days cooling of and see how you feel. If you begin to miss her company. She might come back to you and ask what's up if she hasn't heard and you can let her know you feel a little hurt.

Or you can make a decision you've reflected on.

I hope you can sort it out, real friendships are really precious.

BitterAndTwisted

If she can't @rsed to actually speak to you herself and has to either use intermediaries or text to communicate with you I would be taking this as a very strong signal that this friendship is a great deal more important to you than it is to her. Mental health issues and relationship problems are not carte blanche to acting like you've never heard of good manners. I'd definitely not contact her for a good few days until you're a lot less cross with her. I'd have crossed her off my Christmas card list already

llh189

I always tend to be the friend who does the running around! Sometimes it gets on my nerves but most of the time I am fine with it.

Most relationships are uneven, even though most of use would hate to admit it.

Sometimes I take a step back, when it gets too much for me, and people say I am too nice.

We all, often without meaning it take people for granted too!

I would take a bit of a step back and wait and see what happens.

No real advice I realise but I do understand where you are coming from!

Good friends are also hard to find and come in many shapes and forms!

Stephb1986_2

I had a friend like this I helped her through everything gave her driving lessons in my brand new car that was £25k's worth helped her pass her driving test and the day after her driving test she has never spoke to me and that was nearly 2 years ago.

Just be cool with her for a few days and see how it goes. Where are you from?

Steph xx

*Louise*

You know.....some people just don't THINK do they?

They are so centred on their own world that they don't stop to consider how others may be feeling.

I would also have been miffed about being dumped like that for some football (esp since it had been arranged for a week!) I would back off and drop contact for a bit, then when I had calmed down I would be honest and say that being dropped like that had upset me and I felt like the friendship wasn't as important to her. I would also say that I felt as If I was the one making all the effort.

Friendship is a two-way thing.

mr_and_mrs_ts

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I had a friend like this I helped her through everything gave her driving lessons in my brand new car that was £25k's worth helped her pass her driving test and the day after her driving test she has never spoke to me and that was nearly 2 years ago.

Just be cool with her for a few days and see how it goes. Where are you from?

Steph xx

like this one, be cool and see what happens.... then deal with it as and when when you feel calmer. As one who will help anybody out if they need or ask for it and have been through a difficult time this year, know that it's through these times the real friends show themselves and will be there no matter what. Real life shows that it doesn't always happen that way and i think well it's their loss. Only you can decide how to proceed as everyone's different.

bestpud

Have you always been the 'strong' one in the friendship?

I ask as I have a fantastic friend who has supported me through thick and thin, but she is very independent and I often feel I don't do enough back.

She says I do and I believe her, but the truth is she ends up supporting me a lot more than I support her. I've let her down a few times (when I've been very low, or in my more forgetful times) and I'd be devastated if she had backed off because of it.

I think it would be helpful to tell her how you feel and see what her reaction is.

She may well think you are ok with it, because you always have been, and may need you to spell it out for her.

If she feels she doesn't do enough back and/or her confidence is low, she more than likely thinks she is putting you out, especially as you are so busy. She may think you see her as 'hard work' rather than someone you enjoy being with?

Mental illness makes people insular in many ways, especially when they've had involvement with psych services and/or therapy, as everything is one way and focused on the person involved iyswim?

It can take effort to get back into two sided relationships, so maybe she hasn't quite got there yet?

I may be wrong but these are my initial thoughts.

Leave it a day or two and give her a call. As said, good friends are hard to come by so it's worth trying to clear the air.

BitterAndTwisted

Sometimes I wish we could be really, really frank with each other about our relationships. What feels like a friendship on one side can be no more than a vague acquaintanceship on the other. I think I'll try and patent a test for it so I know where I stand