Weezl and friends Phase 2 -giving it a whirl for Shirl! Testing meal plan for a month

Julimk

I don't think it is necessary to split the tasks from the emotional support. I think everyone here believes in this project, thinks what you are doing is fantastic & would be happy to provide emotional support & give you the chance to get things off your chest when it all seems a bit too much. :grouphug:

It's just, I think, that different personality types express things differently, so it may not come across quite right.

SusanC_2

I know that you immediate response in terms of how you feel is hard to rationalise but here's my thoughts on the specific criticisms you have described in case it can help you to reject some of the criticisms you come across.

weezl74 wrote: »

I was upset that someone who'd never tried our carbonara referred to it as a 'disgusting rendition' of a meal.

If someone is prepared to use that kind of wording in their comment without even having tried it then they are not someone who is worthy of caring about their opinions. (And incidentally, I am often more likely to look at thinks if I see criticisms of them as I want to see for myself rather than go on what other people have said so in some ways the criticisms may help drive traffic. Some of my favourite blogs are ones I came across through someone else criticising them.)

weezl74 wrote: »

I was hurt when someone said they'd rather eat their own kneecaps than live like that (me)

I think that is probably someone's rather insensitive way of saying, "That's not for me." It may or may not have been malicious but ultimately any lifestyle choice is not for everyone and I would not expect everyone to want to do it. Their wording (whether deliberate or not) is clearly hurtful but the overall message (that's not for me) is inevitably going to the response of some people. Personally I think that if someone is communicates their (fairly reasonable) opinion in such a manner it is not worth caring what they think in the first place.

weezl74 wrote: »

I was hurt when someone said they'd read my threads and didn't feel they were healthy at all.

That is a factually incorrect criticism. Obviously it isn't wrong to state an opinion when you are incorrect (after all, how can anyone correct you if you don't say what you think) but unless they gave reasons for their opinion then it wasn't really constructive criticism so again falls into the category of criticisms to be ignored.

I do think incorrect/misinformed criticism can be valid such as the case where someone commented on the bread to go with the carbonara and then you explained it but if people make inaccurate criticisms without giving any basis for them then they are not really worthy of consideration.

I d think that one problem with the internet is the fact that it is instant and impersonal which means that people can just shoot off whatever they happen to think instantly without consideration of how it will make someone else feel. Also, if someone shoots their mouth off online, it is there for everyone else to read unlike in real life where it is just momentary.

If I type "under 1000" into google, the first suggestion is "under 1000 a month". This is an extreme frugal blog which came under so much criticism that she eventually stopped blogging. The second suggestion is "under 1000 braincells blog" because a group of people actually created a blog for the express purpose of criticising/making fun of her blog. If you were to google "Candy Brauer" you would come up with a number of blogs criticising her over various issues but wouldn't actually find her blog. Anytime something is controversial or extreme it is going to attract criticism. Some of it will be fair and constructive and some of it won't. It's not really personal - it's just what people do.

I hope some of that is helpful - I've always been a somewhat alternative person who doesn't worry too much about other people's opinions on what I do and just goes ahead anyway which means I'm probably not the best at understanding how you feel so I apologise if anything I've said seems hurtful or dismissive of your feelings in any way as it is not intended to be like that.

SusanC_2

weezl74 wrote: »

Oh dear it seems we have a discrepancy. Some people feel it's ok for this thread to be emotionally supportive for me so I can give more to the project. Others feel that's not quite right for this thread, which is fine too.

Errrm, 2 threads?

I don't think anyone siad they objected to the thread providing emotional support to enable you to be able to work on the project in the way you want to.

domesticgoddess789

My previous comment was never meant to be taken to mean that I don't think this thread should offer emotional support and I apologise if it has been interpreted in this way. I simply wanted to try to divert your attention away from the negatives onto the positives for a moment. I think this thread should take the form of however you want it to be This is your project and so it should be set up to support you with this.

weezl74

SusanC wrote: »

I hope some of that is helpful - I've always been a somewhat alternative person who doesn't worry too much about other people's opinions on what I do and just goes ahead anyway which means I'm probably not the best at understanding how you feel so I apologise if anything I've said seems hurtful or dismissive of your feelings in any way as it is not intended to be like that.

I've definitely known you long enough to know you wouldn't say anything to hurt me, it's a very shiny part of you (in that it comes through in nearly everything you type)

Thank you for your post.

Not that anyone has asked me to analyse this, but I think the reason it matters more to me than it perhaps should is that (as you know from the PT) I had somewhat of a career identity blow whilst pregnant with Kester, and because I am on leave I cannot resolve that by either resigning or making a go of things.
The unresolvedness hurts and is unsettling at an identity level. Although I am happily 'weezl the mum of fergie and kester' and 'weezl the wife of acetate monkey' etc, I am not 'weezl the university counsellor' and that's a loss.

So if a lot of me is invested in 'weezl the writer of a website trying to help with debt in the UK' I think the above is an explanation!

(and I admire you for not letting others opinions matter to you)

JulieMK thanks for your post too. Lets continue together to do those things too

weezl74

pinkhayley789 wrote: »

My previous comment was never meant to be taken to mean that I don't think this thread should offer emotional support and I apologise if it has been interpreted in this way. I simply wanted to try to divert your attention away from the negatives onto the positives for a moment. I think this thread should take the form of however you want it to be This is your project and so it should be set up to support you with this.

Right ho, sorry I misunderstood (not you just generally!) and perhaps thought people were annoyed of me saying my feelings and needing the support. This is in all honesty perhaps something I feared you were all thinking because I am a little annoyed with myself for minding the criticism. So I'm sorry I took things wrong. You didn't express yourself badly at all, I like your writing style very much actually, hence badgering you to be a key writer for the site :D

I wasn't miffed though, just trying to seperate it out!

Sian_the_Green

weezl74 wrote: »

If the new recipes aren't linked to a plan, then people will be able to say that it is not healthy.

And then shirley might not use it

I know people have tried to answer this for me before, but there's obviously some part of my question I'm not able to articulate, because the answers, whilst very sound and sensible, aren't seeming to scratch this genuine itch that I have!

I shall try to work out what my issue is

(are you and Alice getting any sleep? )

Are you determined to have no link on it to your own blog? Because you could house the other recipes there and just have plan recipes on the main site. Then people could click a link that says "read more frugal recipes" or something similar, people will know they are somewhere different by the look of the site?

weezl74

hiya sian thanks for those thoughts. Will you have any space for a little more recipe method writing at any point?

Juliette, I think we need to see a picture of the taffeta creation :) Also, I'm not sure if I'm too late, but we had a second attempt with the doughnuts and found that a smaller, walnut sized piece made for a lovely light doughut, with a nice crinchy outside

weezl74

SusanC wrote: »

If I type "under 1000" into google, the first suggestion is "under 1000 a month". This is an extreme frugal blog which came under so much criticism that she eventually stopped blogging. The second suggestion is "under 1000 braincells blog" because a group of people actually created a blog for the express purpose of criticising/making fun of her blog. If you were to google "Candy Brauer" you would come up with a number of blogs criticising her over various issues but wouldn't actually find her blog. Anytime something is controversial or extreme it is going to attract criticism. Some of it will be fair and constructive and some of it won't. It's not really personal - it's just what people do.

what a shame she had to pull her blog!

Let's try to keep going.

I also hear your point about criticism not necessarily being a bad thing. I too would be more likely to click a link there was controversy about.

domesticgoddess789

weezl74 wrote: »

Right ho, sorry I misunderstood (not you just generally!) and perhaps thought people were annoyed of me saying my feelings and needing the support. This is in all honesty perhaps something I feared you were all thinking because I am a little annoyed with myself for minding the criticism. So I'm sorry I took things wrong. You didn't express yourself badly at all, I like your writing style very much actually, hence badgering you to be a key writer for the site :D

I wasn't miffed though, just trying to seperate it out!

Of course I was not annoyed with you for saying your feelings and needing support, I just didn't want you to dwell on the criticisms for too long. I know that a problem with the internet is that the written word can be interpreted in so many different ways but I am cross with myself for not ensuring that you knew what I meant.

But yes, lets keep going!!!