Partner has massive debts and his head in the sand - help!!

Fruball

Hi Raingold.

So sorry to read your posts - The same happened to me when I was pregnant with twins :eek:

He got fired from his job and thats when the story unfolded.....

He had been fiddling expenses as he was stuggling to pay debts that I had no idea about - and still no idea where that money went... other than expensive starbucks morning and afternoon, take away lunches for work etc... all this added up to around £100 pw and all went on CCs which got paid at the minimum payment each month :eek:

Anyway, once I realised what was going on, I took his wallet and cut up every card in there.

Each time he applied for a new card, I would open the post and cut that up too. When a new PIN number arrived,,, it got shredded before he even saw it.

I went ballistic almost daily when a new debt would come to light and started making preparations for moving back to hometown (with him, initially) and had a 5 year plan at which point I would leave him if things didn't improve.

We worked thru some of the debts, stuck some on our mortgage (so I have lost a lot of equity in our home) and he started paying off the remaining ones.

3 years later he was still up to his eyes in it and because I had stopped checking his post, debts had crept up again. I didn't wait the 5 years.

Result - Removal van and moved to my own home with the kids.

2 years on he is in an IVA, living with a new partner (who presumably knows very little of what went on) and seems to be spending far more than his IVA would allow so God only knows what he is up to.... But its not my problem.

I have a few small (ish) debts which are getting cleared now and I am happier, safe and have the security of a small but manageable income and I don't have to be responsible for his spending.

You cannot be responsible for his spending, and whilst he has you to pick up the pieces, he won't learn. Its childish behaviour and shows no responsibility whatsoever, IMHO.

Sorry if I sound mean... I'm really not. Its just that I have been there, and these men don't change.

Your husband had one chance, but where is it going to end? We were damn lucky not to lose our house, please don't let that happen to you.

If he is not prepared to leave the house with just £5 'just in case money' (I used to give the ex a £20 emergency fund on top of that but he just spent that, so stopped doing it) and sandwiches/drinks etc that he needs for that day, and if he is not prepared to cut up ALL his cards, then he is not committed to changing and never will.