Partner has massive debts and his head in the sand - help!!

Raingold

In 2005, my partner admitted to having £60,000 in credit card debt- the "solution" was to take out a secured loan,:( which we did, my partner is paying this back and will be 67 by the time it's paid, he also decided to take out PPI so the amount is going down very slowly (about 55, 000 now). I suspect that he has built up £20-30K:eek: of credit card debt again and think it won't be too long before he's telling me how much he owes and asking what he/we should do. I don't want to take out more secured debt or remortgage (house has about 150,000 equity in it) and end up paying that for the next 20 years - mortgage is due to end in 10 years, coincidentally, the children should have left home by then too! I contacted a loan company who said they could save him £35,000 interest a couple of years ago, but he didn't want to pursue it. I feel overwhelmed and desperate about his debt, I can't afford to support all of us on my wages so he can dedicate his salary to paying off debts. We don't even have anything to show for his debts - we don't go on expensive holidays or drive new cars. We have started using Aldi/Lidl and looking at reducing our outgoings. I'm trying to save some money and get my debts paid ( I owe 12,000 - thank you Inside Track! but that's another story).
What are the options when the crunch comes and my partner tells me how deep his debts are this time? I apologise for not having more accurate information and I'd appreciate any suggestions - including how to get and keep his head out of the sand

020 008

InaPickle

Hey Raingold!

I didn't just want to read and run, but unfortunately I don't have any advice to offer you with regard to this particular situation as it is well and truly out of my field of experience. However, many other people will have much better advice and are bound to be over here and replying soon. (Although the boards seem fairly quiet tonight, though.)

The first thing that strikes me is whose name is the house in? Is it in both your names?

Best of luck. I'll keep watching.

mandi

Sorry to hear your in this situation . Please call http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/ for some free advice .

boliston

Is your share of the equity in the property at risk?

It might depend on if you are "joint tenants" or "tenants in common" and I think one of these can put you at far more risk than the other so let's hope it's the lower risk option!

ladybez

didn't just want to read and run. As has already been said please get some professional advice, don't pay for it though. Consolidation, as you have unfortunately found out, is rarely a solution. You OH must dig and keep his own head out of the sand, you will not be able to do it for him. Perhaps if you post up a Statement of Affairs, the clever peeps on here will be able to make some suggestions as to the way to go. Good luck and keep posting.

elsie52

Hi Raingold.

I have just read your post with interest and that could really have been any one of us, we have all had our heads in the sand at some point. We all think there is plenty of time left to repay our debts, but let me tell you, that all too soon the time creeeps up on you, and you realize that your working life is coming to an end, and how are you then going to repay everything.??

You need to sit your OH down and ask him to come clean, now, so that you can deal with this problem, and you can deal with it NOW. Me and my OH are 58 and 60 respectively and I realized 2 years ago that we were running out of time, to pay off our debts and get some savings together for our retirement. At that point we owed £74k, and were only just making minimum payments, so I we went onto a Debt Management Plan, and in 25 months our debts have now come down to £33k. It will be another 2 years before we are debt free, and by then our ages will be 60 and 62. It only gives us a few years to save before we perhaps have to give up work. We don't really want to carry on working, my OH hs never been out of work all his life, so I feel that we should be able to enjoy our retirement.

I don't know your ages, but take some advice from some "oldies" and ditch the debt whilst you are still young enough to recover from it. Does your OH want to be in our situation, I think not.

Good luck

P.S. Do not use a company that charges you a fee, we are with Payplan, but there are also CCCS. National Debtline. all FREE

ERICS_MUM

This might not be relevant, and it's certainly not meant as a criticism, but does your partner need to seek professional help about his spending - is it for gambling, alcohol etc. I think this needs to be tackled alongside your debt reduction plan, otherwise the debt could just continue to increase.

I am so sorry that I cannot offer more practical help. I wish you and your family all the luck in the world in sorting it all out - you sound very strong :T.


Linda xxx

Pollycat

Raingold wrote: »

In 2005, my partner admitted to having £60,000 in credit card debt- the "solution" was to take out a secured loan,:( which we did, my partner is paying this back and will be 67 by the time it's paid, he also decided to take out PPI so the amount is going down very slowly (about 55, 000 now). I suspect that he has built up £20-30K:eek: of credit card debt again and think it won't be too long before he's telling me how much he owes and asking what he/we should do. I don't want to take out more secured debt or remortgage (house has about 150,000 equity in it) and end up paying that for the next 20 years - mortgage is due to end in 10 years, coincidentally, the children should have left home by then too! I contacted a loan company who said they could save him £35,000 interest a couple of years ago, but he didn't want to pursue it. I feel overwhelmed and desperate about his debt, I can't afford to support all of us on my wages so he can dedicate his salary to paying off debts. We don't even have anything to show for his debts - we don't go on expensive holidays or drive new cars. We have started using Aldi/Lidl and looking at reducing our outgoings. I'm trying to save some money and get my debts paid ( I owe 12,000 - thank you Inside Track! but that's another story).
What are the options when the crunch comes and my partner tells me how deep his debts are this time? I apologise for not having more accurate information and I'd appreciate any suggestions - including how to get and keep his head out of the sand020 008

Hi
I don't have much advice to offer but I think you should maybe find out what he's spent £25K - £30K on in 5 years - if you have nothing to show for it.

Unfortunately, until he has his own LBM there's probably little you can do.
Horse, water and drink and all that.

Best wishes

Miss_Poohs

Hi RainGold - your post almost took my breath away, because it could have been me writing it.

Like you my partner (husband) hid massive debts from me too, credit cards, loans, etc to the tune of £86000!!!

I also discovered after finding out about the unsecured debt he also had taken a secured loan on his half of his parents house.

It all came to light when his mum started getting phone calls saying things hadn't been paid, she naturally assumed we had money problems so phoned and spoke to me.........

'Course I knew nothing about it, so I brought it up with OH, who promptly denied it all.

After many days weeping, wailing and arguing he finally came clean.

Shocked is a bit of an understatement :eek::eek::eek:

Did I want to pack up and go? Yer damn right I did, but the house we had just bought had alot of equity in it, all put there because of me. Yes our house was in both our names, but I wasn't about to lose what I'd worked hard to get, so I vitually nailed him to the floor and told him I was prepared to stay "IF" he'd work with me and deal with the debt.

We live in Scotland, so after a meeting with a wonderful debt counsellor from our local welfare rights office, we decided to opt for the DAS route of dealing with the debt.

I realise if you don't live in Scotland this isn't an option for you - however I really do think you both need to see a debt counsellor. Him/her to get to the root of the problem and to help find a solution to all this debt and you to see where you stand in all of this.

Do I trust my OH with money........ honestly? Nah - not with a credit card anyway.

As I say its almost 2yrs to the day (spooky) since I was hit with the horrible truth - in retrospect I'd rather know, atleast now I know what I'm dealing with - I still don't have to like it though.

Please try and see a debt counsellor - together, and individually.

You need to makes decision, get advice and take care of yourself.

Thinking of you.

Miss P

huxley

Hi and big hugs, :grouphug: cant help you with a soloution I'm afraid but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. A few years ago my dh was in a well paid job things were tight I knew things were bad but didnt realise how bad, although I was dealing with the money because of his income he was being a large amount of credit!!!! Then he was made redundant and all the debts as I thought had come to light, cleared loads with redundancy got out goings down to survive on much lower income but he hadnt stopped so now we are on a low income with lots of debts and I welcome all lines of credit being cut off! The thing is I've tried to help my dh have a lightbulb moment sometimes theres a glimmer but its soon dappened but we are hanging in there, its tough when your home and children could be the losers its suprising how strong you can be. Sometimes there are two parents but only one adult, its not easy but you can get through it. Search on here you will find lots of help, hints and tips, speak to the recomended agencys they may be able to help,(my circumstances make this hard as dh is now self employed and my income is ony disability allowances) but were not as frightening to talk to as you may think.

RobertoMoir

I think Linda/Erics Mum has a good point. What is he spending the money on? Until he stops wanting to spend the money like that it's always going to be impossible to resolve matters.