A little advice on how to juggle it all

vaio

I assumed the OP was sending stuff because she claims the child related benefits whilst her ex is having the baby for 2 days and nights every week

TurnaroundSue

vaio wrote: »

I assumed the OP was sending stuff because she claims the child related benefits whilst her ex is having the baby for 2 days and nights every week

......yes, but he isn't giving her any maintenance for the child while she has him - it can't work both ways.

To OP, I would make sure that your little boy is ready to go when your ex calls and picks him up - just give your DS a kiss and say goodbye at the door. Don't let him in and give him tea/coffee. Likewise, make sure that when he drops him home, let your DS in and say hello and then stay at the door and say goodbye to your ex; again, don't let him in. Try to reduce any contact you have with him in between visits to the very minimum and only talk to him if it's about your son, your divorce or your debts and what he is going to do to pay them.

Good luck and I wish you all the best. You seem to have things in order and making great strides in being a single mum - now just find the courage to be strong and stand up to your ex.

vaio

vaio wrote: »

I assumed the OP was sending stuff because she claims the child related benefits whilst her ex is having the baby for 2 days and nights every week

TurnaroundSue wrote: »

......yes, but he isn't giving her any maintenance for the child while she has him - it can't work both ways.......

He's jobless and presumably the maintenance aspect will change when he gets a job, in the meantime as the OP is collecting the child related benefits then sending the baby with a bag of necessities doesn’t seem unreasonable.

OP…….Long term I agree with the other posters about making contact more businesslike however short term it might not be a bad idea to have another pair of hands you can call on. Single handed dealing with a new born and a toddler will be hard work, doing it if you have another section will be impossible.

mumof1and1ontheway

DS's dad is on job seekers, he pays no maintenance, but I would rather he paid his bills and spent quality time with DS that be able to pay me money towards but then struggle to have him overnight due to lack of food etc. Also I feel that child benefit and tax credits is enough for me to pay for DS and buy what he needs... so I do not mind so much sending what he needs while he is at his dads, although it can be a little annoying when I keep buying toothpaste, bonjela, bepantham and for it to time and time again not come back and then have to go and buy it again.

In regards to the labour it would be easier is he wasnt present.. and yes I have agreed he can be there due to guilt, due to being nice and due to me wanting him to be given every opportunity to be a part of every single part of his kids lives... then if things so wrong and the bond isnt as it could be I can feel fully confident I have done everything I possibly can for my kids to make sure they see their dad etc and he has been invited to all major parts of their lives.

With the mixed feeding I am hoping to BF for the first 48hrs... and then switch to formula, but to express when I can (maybe 2-3 times a day) to give some more goodness.

Thank you so much for your advice, I def have tons to think about in the next few weeks / months