A little advice on how to juggle it all

mumof1and1ontheway

Kegg I dont mind overnight access.. its more how I would cope with time away from BOTH kids iygwim. Will be very hard to give up the newborn for more than a few hours to start with. I also wonder how he will cope with 2 kids and 2 dogs.. as he gives them access to the whole house. But maybe if I speak to him about it, then we can come up with a solution. Or maybe if he has baby on a day when I have DS1 to start with til he gets used to the sleepless nights etc x

kegg_2

mumof the dogs would be the main worry to me and i would expect him to accure me that under no circumstances would the dogs be let anywhere near the new baby and never left alone with the 2 year old.

But if he was unable to be sensible about that then i would say no to overnight stays for both children. Hopefully he will understand your worries and you will be able to reach an agreement.

Steel_2

kegg wrote: »

sorry but why would a father be unable to cope with a new born baby?

I didn't say 'a father' couldn't cope. I said her ex.

kegg_2

Steel wrote: »

I didn't say 'a father' couldn't cope. I said her ex.

so why? she hasn't indicated in any way that he is an unfit father/drinker/depressive ect

She has now mentioned the dogs issue which does worry me but wont be a problem if he agrees to lock them away from the children/baby on nights they stay.

cheepskate_2

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

. I also wonder how he will cope with 2 kids and 2 dogs.. as he gives them access to the whole house.

why would this make any difference.

Im assuming he copes(and dogs) fine with having DS1 over . You also dont say if the dogs have been around since DS1 birth, but anyway they seem to cope with a demanding toddler.
For me and I have been owner of dogs + babies , I would rather have a baby + dog together than toddler + dog.A 20m old cant be contained the same way as a newborn and is crawling no doubt tugging and climbing over said dogs and I am assuming they are fine.

As for the father having baby over. If father was still staying with you , would you have any qualms about leaving baby with him while you say went out shopping or for a night out. What's the difference , justbecause you dont' love him anymore.

Fathers should have the same rights as mothers, isnt that what woman's rights fought for???:)

squashy

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

Squashy... with cosleeping.. how do you make sure its safe? I have never ever let my child sleep in my bed with me... due to the fact I have been terrified of sufocating him lol. x

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html#linkssafety

Loads of info here. The horror stories you hear are nearly always linked to suffocation when a parent has dozed off with a baby on the sofa or in bed in an unplanned way ie without proper arrangements for bedcoverings etc

Basically, as long as no-one in the house smokes and you haven't had alcohol or drugs you can do it. Baby shouldn't be in the middle, and should also have his own blankets and not your duvet. They do it all over the world extremely safely and it has many benefits including helping their breathing to regulate and and done correctly is actually a very safe (if not safer) option.

mumof1and1ontheway

With the dogs I dont feel they are untrusted its more just keeping an eye on. As they are dogs that like to lick and one dog would growl if DS1 went near. That dog now just removes himself from DS1 as doesnt like to be pestered. Its more them jumping all over etc and licking, with one child its easy to keep an eye on.

He is a great dad I have no issues with that.. but how is a newborn effected if has 2 homes? I gets thats a worry.

mumof1and1ontheway

Also with the dogs I meant hygiene wise as I lived with them and they both are long haired. So the house is full lol. With me there I was constantly brushing and mopping, but the ex doesnt do that too often. I have no problems him looking after baby its the living conditions I worry about. But then I am a worrier... I am the sort who will never fully trust a dog with a child alone.. as you just never know? And I dont mean that to be negative to dog owners so I apologise.

ailuro2

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

He is a great dad I have no issues with that.. but how is a newborn effected if has 2 homes? I gets thats a worry.

If he was that great a Dad he'd have not done what he did and risked splitting the family up, would he? Stop seeing the good side of him, start being more assertive, and for goodness sake don't give him cups of tea when he comes round! Don't get the wrong impression, I'm not one of the man haters that do post on some threads like this, I'm just stating what it looks like from what you've posted here. Stick up for yourself of he'll be walking straight back in there like he never left!

Check with your midwifery team, some hospitals only allow one person apart from the person giving birth to be there.... and you would be stressing about them rowing if they were both there..... you've got plenty time to think these things through and give people advance warning about what you expect from them.

Research has shown that as long as kids have two or three main carers they are quite happy, it's when they are shuffled from nursery to mum to dad to all the grandparents on a regular basis that it becomes a problem. This also applies to your toddler.

mumof1and1ontheway

I am too nice thats my problem. He has been to collect DS1 today and my god all he does is moan. Its all woe is me and my life is rubbish etc etc. He keeps saying he wants to file for divorce asap but refuses to admit adultery. He doesnt understand he cannot file for divorce and just put we were arguing.
My hosp def allows 2 birthing partners.. just hard to decide if I want him there. I feel mean if he misses the birth of his child. I really should stop worrying so much about everyone else, but I guess its just how I am.