Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

ceridwen

Lara44 wrote: »

Your post really struck a chord with me, because I think my parents struggled with that attitude as well.

They had to work hard to give us a more open attitude - you can be / do whatever you want, but without the delusion / sense of entitlement that this mantra can sometimes produce. Basically their message was all about working hard to get along, doing your very best on all the small things that will eventually become a big picture. I think how lucky I am to have been brought up with a great balance between the two sets of values you describe.

I think you've probably phrased this better than I did there ...:T

....and I think in my case its not been so much a case of "flak" - but sheer bewilderment and assumption that my life would follow the "path" they had set. I felt like I had to downright "scream at the Universe" when it was proving very difficult to buy a house that I NEEDED one/everyone is entitled to one if they wish before it became possible to buy one - as the "brick wall in front of me" developed a gap I could see through and with a house on the other side of it. That "accept what you get" as "your lot in life" is difficult to break through even within your own mind. It took a LOT of reminding myself that a house of ones own is a necessity and looking round to check out what percentage of people (ie in my agegroup/generation) had one and thinking "If they darn nearly all have - then its time I did too" before the Universe listened to my "outraged screams" (within my own head) about not having one too and it became possible.

Well - thats what it felt like to me at the time (ahem...I was a lot younger then) - it felt like I had to move from sheer puzzlement as to why I didnt have one - to real hard-hitting anger/determination that I didnt.

Probably sounds a bit "OO!" - but that was the sort of thoughts/feelings that were in my mind at that time.....

Firewalker

ceridwen wrote: »

That "accept what you get" as "your lot in life" is difficult to break through even within your own mind. It took a LOT of reminding myself that a house of ones own is a necessity and looking round to check out what percentage of people (ie in my agegroup/generation) had one and thinking "If they darn nearly all have - then its time I did too" before the Universe listened to my "outraged screams" (within my own head) about not having one too and it became possible.
....

It is much more difficult (and important) to break these assumptions in your own mind. Also, comparisons are a killer - they kill the joy in life; our own joy, not someone elses.

I am thinking about the question you asked and will be writing something. Now, regretfully, there is some work to be done.

Speak soon.

Firewalker

savingwannabe

ani_26 wrote: »

Very good question. Does anyone have the answer?


Ah well, off to work

Hello I quoted ani but this applies to ceridwen's point.

Maybe this is too simplistic but here is my view. My father's friend died last week. No matter how ill we feel or how down we are we have a choice, other people don't we owe it to ourselves to continue on and create a change. If you don't attempt it it wont happen. We must be positive. Whenever i am down i read Firewalker's thread. That is what this thread is all about: The will to succeed, dont you think? Isn't that why we are all here?:):j

Butti

ceridwen wrote: »

.
So - personally - one question for you that you might like to give some thought to:

When one has had to exercise a LOT of ingenuity/persistence/character/motivation over many years now and achieved a lot from a "standing start" - but there is still a distance to go and one is now feeling "tired" at the thought of doing some more "striving" and disheartened at the worsening economic outlook - then what?

Is it possible to "get back in gear and go up a gear" to cover that last distance?

Any thoughts?

I think it depends on what sort of person you are. If you were always just aiming for more money and a better job you may still be able to strive for that.

If you have become somewhat disenchanted / disheartened with how this are and striving in this environment maybe you need to change a few things. I left local government as I was disenchanted, have done a qualification in housing, and have just been interviewed for a housing post in ....local government. I expect to learn new things in it and then move on to a housing association (which was what I was hoping to do). If I'm learning new things I will be able to strive. If I feel like I am treading water I may sink!

(Probable cut of £2k in salary and now have about £15k in debt so really really hope this works! and hope I get the job.......or another one very very soon!)

B

Firewalker

Watching 'Four Lions'. Brilliantly funny. will be back1

FW

savingwannabe

Butti good luck. You strike me as someone who is very outgoing and enterprising. I am sure you will land on your feet and make a positive impact wherever you work.

Firewalker

Not so funny after all. Butti, good luck and I believe that you will get there.

Ceridwen, I have been thinking about the question you asked - how do you get through the last several miles of a long a hard race. A financial one, but I have come to believe that it is very similar to running a marathon - you are tired, your legs hurt, you close your eyes to blink and when you open them realise you have run 200 m. The way I finish races is by keeping focused on two things: the miles behind me (yeah, I can give up now but is it worth it? I have already run 17 miles, there are only nine more left) and the finish line ahead of me. Lord, I want to cross this line. I have this thirst for the finish, for the great feeling of achievement that can't be compared to anything. There two other points: a marathon is about pacing not fitness so it is a mind game; and before a race I always walk the last mile - when it comes to it, knowing exactly where you are in relation to the finish is what takes you through.

I am very similar with my other races. Setting the goal, knowing what I want and developing the animal desire to get there are the key. I imagine where I want to be just like I walk the last mile - so I know. I imagine the finish line and so want to cross it. This leads me to what is possible and how much people want.

I believe that each and everyone of us can achieve anything they really want to achieve - bar silly things, although there are example of this being done as well. Most of us don't have the courage to dream and/or to follow our dreams. I was raised to see possibilities where others see limitations. I test things, I try things...when they don't work I rest, think and try again. And the finish line is always there...

There is always something that can be done - we just have to figure out what. Mostly it is about deciding what we want and how to get it. Getting it usually needs changing ourselves. Hard!

Sorry if this reads messy - it is a difficult area I have been thinking much about; the difference between positive and negative mentality.

Firewalker

ani_26

There are indeed, many factors to take into account, this is why no one would ever be able to answer the question.


Every individual is different, ( although some more than most ), as i tend to think people find comfort in numbers. How many people can truly survive alone? Anyway, thats got nothing to do with anything.

I agree its true, anyone can achieve anything they want to achieve, after all i've done it. But as some one said, maybe its possible to get to a point of no return. Everyone is different and every situation is different.

If i were the ages of all you good people, then i'm sure i would have a different mindset. I'm sure i was in the same place as most of you, say 20 years ago. Own home, nice little income, a few bob in the bank, no debts except the mortgage to speak of, looking forward to retirement. Not exactly a comfortable retirement. It was always going to be a struggle, but not having to work again. Bliss.


But then things change. The economy changes, your personal situation changes, you get older. You can never say it won't happen to you. Its surprising the difference you can find within mind and body, say 10 years down the line. Oh no, not me, i hear you say. I've got it all planned. I said the same thing, but it catches up with you, however hard you try to fight it.

At this point in life i'm personally beyond the age, i had originally intended to retire, and with the way the government keeps moving the goalposts, and aside from that, i will never be able to afford retire. Fact of life, however you might like to dress it up. All the postivity in the world, is not going to change fact.

The simple fact is, its extremely difficult to re start life beyond a certain point. I know you will all come along and say its never too late, and i'm still here, aren't i? Doesn't that say something about me? Or don't you realise this? But the fact is, its nigh on impossible to find housing when you are a self employed br. I'm not particularly bothered about my credit files anymore. Who cares? I'll never buy a house again, i'd never get a mortgage full stop, at my age. I find working long hours very punishing these days. The mind is still active but the body has many aches and pains. No, i should rephrase that. I could never understand why aherm, mature people took a nap in the afternoon. Now i know how it feels. Sometimes i actually doze off whilst i'm working, ( mind you, young people do that too), because i get so tired. Its still more difficult to obtain a job, whatever anyone says, when you are getting older.


We are all coming from different directions, and even the best laid plans can go astray. You never know what is around the corner, and maybe this is why i don't belong on mse. I'm now coming from the opposite direction, which is why my opinions maybe appear too criitical.

I actually feel i've been quite positive, i must have been to be at the place where i am, currently. Maybe you don't understand that writing my thoughts down, is ridding myself of what is REALLY going on in my life and in my head. I've always talked about putting on the happy face when i go to work, because its work that keeps me going mentally and financially. Personally, i think you all have alot to learn about life and life's experiences, and its easy to live your life in a relative cocoon, ( i know, i've been there ), and make no mistake, you are in relative cocoons.


I still don't believe in making lists, following what this or that person says. Its all in your own mind and your own control, and there is no one in charge of your destiny, except you. Yes, it must be nice, ( ugh, nice ), to have the support of others, and people who love you. Of course it must feel good to have human contact. Someone once told me you should have 3 hugs a day. Many people have turned round to me and said, yuk, i wouldn't like this person hugging me. Thats the difference between me and other people. I don't mind / care who it is i hug or who hugs me. The point is lost on you if you don't understand the moral of the story.

I guess this sounds negative and antagognistic, as ever, but i'm sure someone will be along and rap my knuckles, but maybe you understand a little more, why i take certain viewpoints? Theres no doubt about it. Its very difficult restarting your life at an age when you had totally different plans. If i were 40 again, it would be totally different.



As an edit. Mindfulness? I reckon i do the best any one can, to put the past behind me, i still try not to consider the future, and it IS very much day to day karma. I'm very mindful and i certainly couldn't afford to pay someone to tell me how to do this, as interesting as it would be to go on a course.

Craftyscholar

It may read 'messy' to you FW, but the meaning comes through clearly and was exactly what I needed to read at the start of this week.
Thank you.

Firewalker

Ani, I have to say that this is one of the most positive posts I have read by you; it is thoughtful, analytical and sets out problems (rather than frustrations which is important but much less productive). I agree about age - I still think of myself as very young but I am 48 and there are things that become more difficult. There are other areas of life, though, where I have so much advantage like looks, charm and wisdom.

If I stop being a bit flipant though, I would really urge you (all peeps around here who think that it is late for things) to look at a blog I found recently. Here is the link: http://www.thehappyseeker.com/ My hat off to this guy. At 79 he is officially the oldest blogger in virtual space; he thought that his life has ended and had to start again (all of it; house, relationship, income etc.) about ten years ago. Have a look (I only get slightly irritated about the religious stuff but then I am a rationalist...).

Again, I do realise (and feel myself) the damage of time. Can we use it to our advantage?

One other question that both you and Ceridwen raise is about the government policies. Yep, this is bad; I probably won't be able to retire for a very long time (although I still have the advantage of a serious pension; even serious pensions won't be enough for a hot dog dinner soon after retirement). Broadly, the way out of this one is to think of achieving a situation where one is independent from such policies - the mechanics I am yet to work out. But it is likely that, as you pointed out, how to get there will be different for different people. It is a bit like inflation though; true it is going up but the way it is calculated means that it doesn't have to affect individuals. I get more for my money now than two years ago and the inflation has been going up.

Back to work for me now - if I ever wish to retire.

Firewalker