Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Marru

FW - please do not take on other people's monkeys. If I were you I would be very tempted in kicking DS1 out of the premises. As long as he is comfortably looked after there will be no motivation to get his arris on gear.

How much do you think you are paying now for his food etc? Is it more or less than a rent of room in shared accommodation? If it is more then perhaps offer to pay his rent but he has to come up with the money for all the other expenses, food, clothes etc...

Sorry I have had a tantruming and bed wetting 6 year old and this morning actually considered (for fraction of a second) to give her up for adoption. My excuse is that I am going down with a stinking cold.

thriftyscotslass

I read some statistics the other day - apparently 1:3 young men and 1:5 young women up to the age of 35 (that's not a typo, yes 35) live at home with their parents, the reasons being no job and / or unable to afford to live independently.

Even more depressing is the stats that relate to Mr Thrifty and myself - more than 50% of adult individuals with Aspergers live at home with their parents never leaving home and only 15% of adults with Aspergers work in full-time employment.

Without writing any of our young people off, both sets of stats make for sober reflection.

I do like your quote and hope tomorrow is a better day for you (and me, I'd a carp day today as well), Thriftyxxx

Cheery_Daff

Hope tomorrow is better FW xx

(Oh, and Mr Daffs makes a living out of playing guitar with his mates - so don't dismiss that as an option for the future! Although it does take rather a lot of hard work and a long time... but perhaps DS1 *does* know what he wants to do, it just doesn't appear to be a money-spinner to him/you??)

(although I also agree, some *action* of some kind is required!)

greenbee

Cheery_Daff wrote: »

(Oh, and Mr Daffs makes a living out of playing guitar with his mates - so don't dismiss that as an option for the future! Although it does take rather a lot of hard work and a long time... but perhaps DS1 *does* know what he wants to do, it just doesn't appear to be a money-spinner to him/you??)

This is good to know cheery... OH's eldest wants to make a living from playing his guitar, but doesn't yet understand the costs involved in being ferried all over the country

Cheery_Daff

Plenty of things you can do with a guitar greenbee! teaching you don't have to go anywhere for, cover bands are generally pretty lucrative I believe as a relatively steady income while you carry on your own creative endeavours festivals often pay rubbish, but you get a weekend away with your mates If you can get yourself into something that plays at weddings that's generally a reasonable earner...

Might have to accept you're not necessarily going to be a millionnaire pop star (or at least there's a lot of work to be done before that stage!), but there's plenty of ways to make a living! (if a fairly meagre one :rotfl:)

greenbee

Cheery_Daff wrote: »

Might have to accept you're not necessarily going to be a millionnaire pop star (or at least there's a lot of work to be done before that stage!)

I think that's the bit that at 16 he is reluctant to contemplate (hence feeling that passing GCSEs is unnecessary :cool:)

Firewalker

I wouldn't mind if the recognition that making a living is actually there. Regretfully it doesn't seem to be.

FW

gilligansyle

There are plenty of people who make enough from music to keep themselves going. My nephew (19) plays in a band most weekends, not always getting paid, sometimes getting paid in beer; but it means he is reasonably independent while at uni.
My own DS sometimes makes me want to scream, as he has been out of work since April, but on the other hand, he doesn't actually cost me any money to keep; he makes enough with the odd DJ job, and odd jobs for people - decorating and such like that he can manage while he is still at home.

Is it the lack of work that bothers you, or the lack of attempts to find any.

But please, please don't take on his problems and try to find work for him. By all means support OH in his business if that is your wish, as he is working hard, but only help your older sons if they make any effort to help themselves. So if he does actually start looking for work, by all means help with forms, interview skills etc. But don't do it for him.

Hope today is a better day.

Firewalker

Things don't seem to be going much better today. Last night OH and I had a 'heated discussion'; or shall I say that I discussed and he was standing there, looking at me as if I am from another planet and have landed here specially to spoil his enjoyment of life.

All I was saying was that I have lived with dreams for twenty years now and I would like to see strategies, plans and, most of all, action. 'Oh, this will be ready some day'; 'I'll monetise this at some point' and the like don't sound like plans. They smack of elusive dreams floating in time. Hours, days and years are passing and the dreams are just getting further away. Until one day all that is left is a disapointment that one never had a serious go at it...and that one failed.

FW

Cheery_Daff

((FW))))))) sounds like you're proper frustrated at the minute

If you've (all) lived on dreams for the last 20 years though, perhaps don't expect everyone else to snap into action mode straight away just because you have? I remember an ex boyfriend on mine once being utterly bemused by me getting really cross over the state of the house - 'you've lived with it like this for months and not minded - how was I meant to know you'd suddenly start to mind now?'... NOt really sure what I'm trying to say, just maybe that it's like people having their light bulb moment about debt - the whole family don't necessarily have it at the same time...

Good luck x