Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Triciaxx

From further down the line, I'm with MG & Hypno. I took the view that my children were entrusted to my care in order for me to enable them to be independent as adults.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't help them if they were in real trouble but they have always managed to find a way round financial problems - probably because they know I expect them to.

Now I have grandchildren being taught the same lessons by their parents.

It's not easy as you are starting rather late with the older sons but it is still worthwhile. Stay strong, hun.

thriftyscotslass

Quick question about the rent FW as I don't want you to feel beleagered (sp?). As it is end of term, is the rent arrears ie bad financial management or is it to secure next year's accomodation - okay bad financial management but could also be viewed as a cash-flow problem. Maybe worth clarifying.

Firewalker

Next year's - but it is not for deposit. It is for next month's rent. And it should have been in his account. We will have also to account for the fact that he will probably spend six weeks back home to be looked after - which is fine if he does stuff around the house and does not go to the pub every evening.

This may sound petty but I have developed intolerence to people who spend £50 or more in the pub every week and then run out of money for rent (at least this is what he did when he was back home last month).

Firewalker

tellmeitsfriday

I don't think it's petty... Meet your obligations first, and then spend anything spare on whatever you want

thriftyscotslass

Petty, nope I don't think that's petty at all.

I was only asking about rent because at the end of my first year in Uni (many moons ago) I got caught by needing a deposit and having to pay advances on rent to secure accommodation ready for my second year. I was allowed a bank overdraft on the condition that I paid it off over the summer which I did by working in a children's clothes shop working for a charlatan who never declared that I worked for him or paid my taxes / nics until he was caught :T. By the end of the second year at Uni we were all a bit more savvy and negotiated half-rent as a retainer over the summer.

Oh lordy, I have missed all this Uni lark with ds but it is looming on the horizon with dd. She is thrashing out A level choices at the moment - it is like pulling teeth.

Memory_Girl

I didn't realise he had got himself into a pickle like this before hon.

6 weeks over holidays could give you a wonderfully decluttered, cleaned and decorated house and garden for minimal outlay - that way you can take a decision what you plan to do with your sabbatical year knowing that if you choose you can leave / rent the house.

Food and lodgings for 6 weeks plus the extra £300 must translate into lots of hours at minimum wage .... or he can always choose to get a job and not move back in of course. Bet he doesn't though.

I agree with you - if the drink comes first, then time for very very tough love. He's not a silly teenager after all.

MG

NorthernLas

Very good suggestions from MG and a story from me ...

I had a chap knock on my door and offer to clean my car the other day. Now normally I would have said no thank you, but it hadn't been cleaned for ages (ever?) and I was going to a business weekend (and taking someone else).

When asked how much he wanted he said 'you decide, I've taken £2 for a simple wash and £18 for a full valet', so I decided to pay him £5. He used decent wash stuff and the car was well done. When I asked what he was saving for he said he was organising a concert and needed £80 to reserve the DJ. I did admire that fact that he had got off his bum and done something!

Maybe, DS2 could do something similar? (though not fund a concert with the spoils)

Firewalker

OK, we are ready with the list for Middle Son. Also, will have to go around the house and see what needs doing but y guess is not a lot. I keep talking about ‘de-cluttering’ and I still believe that we have too much stuff. It is mainly OH’s and my stuff though – so it will be hard for anyone else to sort it out. There is the cleaning, and gardening; there are also (probably) jobs to be had. Given the failed attempts of Young Man, though, I am not very hopeful that DS2 will get a casual job. He is a writer! And I have many links to websites that advertise work for writers – mainly copy but he will have to learn, and learn fast. Have been considering this one myself but probably the effort will be slightly misguided (in the long run it is better to focus on my other writing – academic and other). He will have to do it...Ha!

Today we went to a concert; Little Boy’s school concert. It was lovely – all this ten-eleven year old little people playing variety of instruments. LB plays classical guitar and is rather good. As to the concert the best players were the strings (and they still managed to sound pretty bad) and the best ever music was generated by the drums.

I am thinking about getting myself into doing African drumming. I love it – and remember what I was telling you about a year ago about the laws of the Universe? The law of rhythm is one of them and drums really give me the rhythm of life, joy and energy. Off to the internet to explore – no point delaying.

Sleep well, my friends, and will be back tomorrow.

Firewalker

greenbee

There is no need for middle son to get a job as a writer... He's a student. They do bar jobs, waitressing, cleaning etc. Any job is experience and counts later when looking for work after university. When I'm recruiting I expect people to have work on their CV all the way through their university career, or to have done something spectacular (e.g. charity work overseas) during those lovely long vacations. Otherwise they've either a. Got a first through being dull and working all the time or b. Been swanning around thinking the world owes them a living.

In worked in a bar, waited tables, was an aupair, a receptionist, a cleaner, a chef, weeded sugar beet, house sat, walked dogs. My brother also worked in a chocolate factory, bagged potatoes, worked at a nursing home as a care assistant, taught windsurfing, as well as doing the normal bar work and waiting tables. You know what I do now, and my brother is a doctor. Very little if any of the work we did before leaving university was relevant to our current careers (and I think that goes for a lot of people) but it was good experience, earned us money and more importantly made clear to future employers that we were prepared to work hard.

I question any CV with gaps... I suggest that as part of this deal, if he can't find a job, he has to do some voluntary work as well as whatever he is doing to pay back the debt to you.

NorthernLas

Greenbee makes a very good point, there are always care assistant jobs around in retirement homes and out of it he will get a CRB check for free