Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

Firewalker

Today, OH and I went shopping for food; the stuff for the month that we put in the freezer of the fridge like meat and cheese. While driving back from the store he suddenly said:

“Thinking back, most people I worked with did something completely different when they retired.”

Yep! And having worked with many physicists it is a small wonder that quite a few ‘discovered’ God and are now in the church (or related). But then, several minutes later, he said:

“I suppose, this means that they didn’t feel really passionate about what they were doing in the first place.”

And I suppose my clever, lovely OH is right – many people stay in jobs, and they do things, they don’t feel passionate about. We commonly refer to that as ‘making a living’ but...how high is the prize we pay for is? Which reminds me of something that Paolo Coelho said, namely that the result of work is not what you get but what you become.

So today, I have asked myself again the question, if I didn’t have to work for living what would I do? And my answer is ‘pretty much what I do now’; in fact I lasted without writing for about two days of my sabbatical (everyone is telling me that I should not even look at a computer for a week to clear my head) and could not do any longer. How to reconcile what I do (the stuff I love) with the conditions in which I do it is an entirely different question.

Apart from pondering these questions I ate a really large frog today – it is hard to tell people that their work is no good; after postponing it for several days I wrote the e-mail – proposing a way forward which is the way to do it. But it still hurts everyone involved.

Sleep well.

Firewalker

gilligansyle

It is good that you love what you do, and if you could do it in an environment that made you happy, that is all the better. In terms of the 'big frog' - it is difficult to criticise without causing offence, but I am sure you found a way around it.

Karmacat

Seconding what gill said!

Firewalker

Today was to be a wonderful day – the day when I collect my iPad2. I know I do sound spoiled about all the toys I am getting but as you know I have not been paying for any for some time now – ever since, after bringing in considerable amount of research funding (we are talking serious six figure number) my employer refused to buy me a Kindle (£150) and advised me where to get cheap glasses from. Since then they have bought for me a Dell Tablet and an iPad. Particularly proud of the iPad – I really manifested it. About February I sent a wish to the Universe; then I did advise on the marketing and promotion, and did some teaching on a profitable short course. Apart from that I casually mentioned to the right people that they have to think of incentives for staff (who did teach on this course on top of their job) and ... the next thing I know I was asked whether I need any equipment.

So, as I was saying today was to be a wonderful day. But there are always sons to consider. Mid-afternoon my telephone delivered a text from Middle Son saying that he has no money to pay his rent and can we give him some. We are talking about £300, here. I did get very upset – I wish our grown up sons understand that at the moment the best thing we can do for them is to ensure that we have enough wealth to be able to live without the need for them supporting us or looking after us when we get old. Apart from that, I wish they understand that I am running a really tight shop here and that we are aiming to demolish the rest of the negative wealth by Christmas. And most of all, I wish they understand that they have to learn how to manage their finances – the earlier the better.

Giving Middle Son this money goes against everything I believe at the moment, and all that I argue on my blog. My gut is saying ‘don’t’ but then again...when I was at university I just had to ask (very rarely) and my Dad did not ask questions, he never said he can’t – he just sent a cheque.

What would you do, my friends?

Firewalker

greenbee

Re. Middle son, my dad always helped me out, but I had to produce accounts each term and he was tough but fair. I suggest you loan it to him, and he can either pay you back or work it off over the summer when he gas some free time. I'm sure you have some jobs that need doing which he can help with. As for the tent, don't get rid of it, MrF and the boys can use it for doing boy stuff together:D

claudiac_2

FW - Does he make a habit of not having any money? If you know he is 'at it', then you should give him clear notice that it is a loan, and how/when it needs to be repaid. If he rarely asks then I would give him it, but let him know that your money is all accounted for and you are in the pursuit of financial freedom for the future, so he must not make a habit of this, and also NOT expect a positive response next time.
That is just my opinion, and I know how hard you are working on this money thing, but your children, well, I know how hard I find it to say no to them. Another one of your family meetings is called for here, just to let them all know that this money is a hard thing to come by, and it is not acceptable for any of them to expect you and MrF to hand it out just because they ask for it.

ani_26

Sometimes, with all the best will and planning in the world, life does'nt turn out as you expect, or want it to. Sometimes you cannot predict what will happen, even if you have planned for it.

Re children, i would, of course lend him it, because i am soft, or a soft touch, maybe, on the understanding it is repaid by set date. If you can't help your children, or children can't turn to their parents in a crisis, then what else or who else, is there, or matters, in life?

Memory_Girl

I'm probably going to get shot down in flames for this - but here goes.

I too was a student - only I knew there was no point asking my parents as they expected me to stand on my own two feet. I budgeted to the penny - because I had too. The whole time I was in college (a course where I had to work nights doing shows 1 week in 4 as well) I held down two other jobs. In fact through my school years I worked in the evening too.

For my first fifteen years of my working life I often held down my main job, a part-time job and renovated houses in between. I have worked hard and learned lots about how to manage money and its taken years.

I think the Universe is sending you an opportunity to teach your boys how to manage their money - just as you have had to over the last year or so. DS has a money issue right now - but it wasn't a problem caused by lack of money, is a problem caused by his bad choices about how to allocate money.

I should think that he appreciates that the most important thing he pays for each month is food and lodging - everything else is optional to a certain extent.(Remember dear old Maslow) He has chosen to spend his rent money elsewhere - and although you can bail him out - will he learn how not to let this happen again? Or will the learning be - Ah Well, the Parents will give me the money?

If he can show you he had a genuine emergency - a cash-flow crisis, then he will be willing to sit down and work out with you how not to let it happen again. In which case a short-term loan may be the right thing to do.

If he has just chosen not to prioritise his rent over partying or leisure, well then I am not sure bailing him out would be the right thing to do. In that case I would be signing him on here and getting him to do the donkey work of creating a SOA, leading him by the nose towards his "lightbulb moment" Then I'm afraid - the help I would offering is "Tell me son - how are YOU going to get out of this situation YOU have got yourself into?? What are you going to sell - DVD's, CD's, Clothes? Where are you going to find that extra work - cleaning, fruit picking, bar work? The same advice we all took when we signed on here!!

£300 is doable - especially from a fit young man. He will however have to eat some humble pie from his landlord - and if that sticks in his gullet - well that's a great lesson to have at this point in life.

Sounds harsh - but I'd rather be doing the tough love now when the issue is £300 than in years to come and its £3000+ and growing.

Have a dodgy hug ayways :grouphug: Sounds like you and OH have got a few days ahead of you where you either commit to your new money principles or get pulled off tangent slightly.

MG

Firewalker

Thanks for your thoughts, my friends. We are setting a set of actions - and we agree in the main.

Ani26, you are right about families sticking together but the question is how do we lay down the foundations of sound financial management in the 'instant gratification' generation. We do support him a bit - in fact my new budgeting tool has an entry for 'dependents'.

MG, tough love is good. We are thinking along the lines you mention.

Now, I have to work - I am expecting another demand on my financial ability any second now.

Firewalker

hypno06

I'm with MG on this one.

Good luck, however you choose to handle it.