Help explaining why we are not going to wedding

pandas66

I would be inclined to state in all fairness a trip to Canada isn't financially viable this year, what with the new business and a holiday already on the cards. When I 1st read your post I assumed it was a wedding abroad but an easier abroad, as in Spain or France not a 'round the world' trip so I think all things considered it is out of reach. Its not the type of quick hop on a plane, wedding hop back.

Woby_Tide

seven-day-weekend wrote:

All I wanted was to be legally bonded to the man I loved

ooooo you old romantic, I can't even count the number of times I wished to be legally bonded to someone (bonded maybe...but that's a different story)

mclaren_2

not being funny but if you get married abroad - you should accept that some people just cant make it. if it was in the uk then you could assume they might make it and if it was in your hometown, you would expect they couldmake it.

just my 2p worth

bluep

I think its a bit rude to plan a wedding abroad and expect people to come (or make people feel guilty if they can't come). Although, it sounds like his brother isn't coming at it from that angle. Unfortunately it sounds like there is little you can do to make his parents understand this apart from explain and make sure that the happy couple understand the situation. You've made your decision and if its the right one for you, then you are perfectly justified to stick to the line "we're sorry, we can't be there, even though we wish we could be, its just not possible at the moment".

We'll be in the same boat when my cousin gets married in the Carribean next year (although he does live there!), our daughter will be over 2 years old by then and spending however much for the three of us to fly over, for a week in my husband's half term, will just be impossible - I can't put us into £2,000 plus debt over it. Shame of it is that my cousin and his fiancee and their son have flown over for our wedding this week to the UK (even though we would have understood if they couldn't have come, he said he wouldn't miss it for the world)...so I will feel guilty over not reciprocating.

Lillibet_2

Any chance of an update Susan?

fattyamal

Looks like this has all been sorted now and lots of good opinions offered already. But I've got a spare few minutes and always feel my heckles rising over weddings so had to quickly draft a response, minus the bile hopefully.

Nope, the bile must stay - I utterly despise weddings, damn awful things. I have a family wedding in a few weeks but haven't even been invited this time as my family know that it is pointless inviting me, as I would not turn up anyway!! (So now they don't even ask me, superb!)
I cannot elucidate how bad I think weddings are. Please, don't feel bad about it, I've "let down" a few friends & family - sure, perhaps I may have hurt their feelings a tiny bit, but not as much as it would have hurt me to go!! Life is too short for being forced to do something you don't want to. And as adults/parents they should appreciate this. And you really shouldn't justify yourself, what are they, the attendance at weddings police?

Of course....I'm married!! Yep, I was overseas on holiday with my partner and just thought I'd propose..so we found a 'vicar', he grabbed his neighbour as a witness, and we did it in 30 minutes with no guests, little cost and yet quite romantic I thought. A few upset family phone calls later.....ouch!

But I digress, stick to your guns, briefly apologise for the upset and they'll get over it. It's only one bloody day...it is indeed the rest of life that matters.

ms_london

It sounds as though perhaps you DONT want to go rather than you CANT? If my brother got married, regardless of where it was, I would make sure I was there!! But perhaps our family relationship is different....!

seven-day-weekend

ms_london wrote:

It sounds as though perhaps you DONT want to go rather than you CANT? If my brother got married, regardless of where it was, I would make sure I was there!! But perhaps our family relationship is different....!

I wouldn't go to Canada for anyone's wedding if it meant I couldn't afford it and I was jeopardising my business, and anyway, the OP is going to the blessing in the UK.

SusanCarter

Ok, we sent a completely different letter in the end as I think I said a little earlier. Both parents wrote their own letter in response and it seems the main reason they were so upset was because they had no idea that we weren't coming. We had never said we were and we had to look into flights before we could make the decision and this made them assume that we were coming. They also thought that they should have been "involved" in the decision. By this they mean not just that they should have been aware of the fact that we were making the decision but that they should have had some say in it. Our reason for not mentioning it to them was that it could cause unecessary upset if it turned out we could go. Also we saw no need to consult them as we knew they could not alter the facts (which they could have done if it had just been about cost of flights). They have both accepted the decision and his mum seems to understand as well. I don't think that his dad can ever accept that they should not have had a say in the matter but they have both accepted it and want to put the whole issue in the past now. After getting their letters, we phoned them up and apologised for having not done more to ensure they did not think we were definitely going. It is therfore all sorted out and we are satisfied with the resolution of it. Thank you to all who helped with comments/advice.

Edit: For those who think we don't want to go, this is not true. It would have been the perfect opportunity to go to Canada for a holiday if the timing hadn't turned out the way it has. I know for certain that my husband (who ultimately had to make the decision) would love to go to Canada as he is obsessed with extreme weather which apparently they have a lot of.

Emmzi

Glad it has worked out for you, Susan. Thanks for the update.