Maintenance & Contact Mediation

PlayingHardball

Hi Gemma,
I admit, I haven't read all of your posts in detail so I'm not quite sure all of the ins and outs.

I have a couple of similarities to what you are going through from the financial point of view. For me, I had been married over 20 years when we amicably separated and we had a nice home, etc. I wanted my daughter to spend every other weekend with the ex for the same reason you do, so that I could have the quality 'weekend' time with my daughter also. It worked that way for awhile, but it changed to eventually being what he wanted. (my daughter was older and basically being bribed, you name it, he offered it, and being pretty young, she couldn't see what he was up to - I won't go into it, but it was the worst time in my life, he turned from being a pretty nice normal guy to being someone I didn't recognise) I caved in because he had her convinced that it would be so cool to hire a nanny and she would go live with him full time! ...on their farm, lots of animals...That would have ripped me to pieces, he worked long hours and wouldn't be home till 8 each night, It all had to do with money...and how much he was giving me to 'fuel my lifestyle'! In other words, how dare I get to continue to live in my home after divorce. Bitter is not a strong enough word to describe him. I have had to fight all the way (and still am) to ensure that he meets his financial obligations, both to me and daughter. My daughter is 15 now and no longer talking to her dad, he never bought her the farm and animals....lol, but she's happy and I'll do anything for her within my means and power.

Taking a deep breath!lol) He didn't get to control me or my daughter in the end.

I think you should stand firm and not give in to what you are offering for shared access for the children. He is being unreasonable. You have been more than fair!

You don't have to answer this, but is there any chance of a reconciliation? I take it you are fairly young and for your ex .... mid-life crises springs to mind.

Either way, its very difficult going through what you are going through, and my thoughts really are with you, I can't relate to all of what you are going through, but the financial unsettled business I can, and is very stressful. You have sought legal advice, you will be okay! Your husband is MAD!! (perhaps he is starting to realise this)

p.s. is he living in the 6 bedroom house?

GobbledyGook

ballsonyournose - I initially moved out because he wanted a break to see where we went (before I knew about his affair). After that I made the decision not to move back into it because of the costs. The flat we are staying in was left to me by my grandparents so I have no rent here (normally I rent it out). It's much smaller and on the top floor so it's easier to heat, which was so important in the cold weather. I knew that if I didn't get a penny from him while it was all being sorted I could afford to live.

Playing Hardball - Thanks for that. He said today he can see why I suggested what I did. He says he was thinking that I was having them every day Monday to Friday and wasn't thinking about them being at school/nursery and me working so it's a start.

He wasn't living in the house recently as he'd moved in with the girlfriend, but he has moved back in now. I think it'll probably go up for sale because he thinks it's too big and holds too many memories for him and I don't want to be there as it's too expensive for me on my own.

Hopefully now the woman is off the scene he'll be more reasonable. He said today it was her who was encouraging him most and he is in shock when he sat down and realised how much "they" have spent since they got together. We took the girls to the swimming today for eldest's swimming lesson and he took the small one in for 40 mins and she was happy with him while she could see me so that's a improvement.

Gemma

daska

GobbledyGook wrote: »

We took the girls to the swimming today for eldest's swimming lesson and he took the small one in for 40 mins and she was happy with him while she could see me so that's a improvement.

That sentence really stands out for me. I'm so glad it went well. Yes, she still needs the reassurance but it's a good first step. Finger's crossed for you and the kids.

GobbledyGook

daska I'm really pleased. Firstly because it's better for the children to be close to their Daddy, but secondly (and selfishly) because I need a break soon - I'm shattered.

Fingers crossed you won't be hearing lots from me because he's been helpful overly the past few days. He actually seems a bit like himself again which is good for the girls.