Maintenance & Contact Mediation

Rikki

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I may not be, but our children most certainly are.


Thanks to all who've helped. He's coming to see the girls on Sunday for Easter so hopefully his tantrum is over and we'll start to get somewhere.

Just don't get your hopes or the children's hopes up as things never stay the way they were when you were together.
You can ask for everything to stay the same but in reality it can't. Many on here will tell you from personal experiences things do change and sometimes quite considerably.

All I'm say is be prepared and I wish you good luck.

GobbledyGook

Rikki wrote: »

Just don't get your hopes or the children's hopes up as things never stay the way they were when you were together.
You can ask for everything to stay the same but in reality it can't. Many on here will tell you from personal experiences things do change and sometimes quite considerably.

All I'm say is be prepared and I wish you good luck.

My children's hopes up? Given that they haven't seen their father for weeks, he hasn't paid a penny for weeks, they have gone from living in a 6 bed house where they had their own rooms and a big garden to a 2 bed top floor flat, had every activity bar horse-riding and nursery cut, moved away from their friends, heard rows and heard me cry occasionally I'm not entirely sure my children have much hope left.

Given that I'm massively pregnant and seen my entire life torn apart by the man I gave up uni and any hope of a career for I certainly don't.

I'm not asking for everything to stay the same. I expect that my life will change massively (it already has). However my ex earns a very, very good wage and lives a great lifestyle as a result of that. We spent years trying for our children (bar the surprise I'm carrying) and he was more than happy for them to have as great a lifestyle as him - he shouldn't be able to stop providing that because I won't take him back. He shouldn't want to, but that I guess is just what happens when you trust other people.

I'm prepared for it and he isn't walking away with giving me £60 a week or something without a massive, massive fight.

Rikki

I didn't mean to make you angry. I was commenting on your original post and now you have added more information it makes it easier to understand the reasons behind what you are asking for.

Even if he turns out to be an utter ***!, you sound grounded enough to give the children all the love and a safe environment they need.

GobbledyGook

Sorry Rikki, I shouldn't have got riled.

I'm just getting really hacked of with people (not you) who seem to think that I should be happy in the flat we're in getting £60 a week and claiming tax credits to help with my childcare. I've also been told by quite a few people that I could be much better off if I upped my hours to full time.

Maybe I don't deserve my ex to fund me having the same life (although I'd argue against that tbh - I helped him get where he is and gave up my dreams to achieve it so he does owe me something imo), but our children deserve the privileges they would have had if we were still together or if they lived with him. That's what I'm fighting for.

Gemma

Rikki

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Sorry Rikki, I shouldn't have got riled.

I'm just getting really hacked of with people (not you) who seem to think that I should be happy in the flat we're in getting £60 a week and claiming tax credits to help with my childcare. I've also been told by quite a few people that I could be much better off if I upped my hours to full time.

Maybe I don't deserve my ex to fund me having the same life (although I'd argue against that tbh - I helped him get where he is and gave up my dreams to achieve it so he does owe me something imo), but our children deserve the privileges they would have had if we were still together or if they lived with him. That's what I'm fighting for.

Gemma

It's easy for you to get riled. It's a difficult time and you are struggling to keep it together. I've been through all this and I know how fiercely we protect our young and it's easy to shout. Sometimes at the wrong people and often those closest to us. Just save some of that anger and point it in the right direction. I've got broad shoulders and to me you are a virtual person with real problems...... but sticks and stones won't hurt me.
Don't let anyone take away your sense of humour you are going to need it and a little laughter if you can find it goes a long way.

Listen to peoples advice but only you can decide what will work best for you.

PlayingHardball

Hi GG, I don't think you should give up and let your ex decide what you can and can't have, it doesn't really work like that. (been there)You need to get good legal advice and be strong. I believe the courts will be in your favour. But if I can offer a word or experience, things will not be the same for your children or yourself as they were when you were together, but eventually things will be better and you will be happier, best of luck!

Kimitatsu

Perhaps some of you should read the threads from this young lady BEFORE you all make comments about the amount of money she is asking for. Her ex is on a considerable amount of money not just basic but also on a considerable amount of comission, so she is not asking for an unreasonable amount of money, nor is she asking for an unreasonable amount in terms of his time nor input.

I think she realises that things will not be the same so please can we keep to constructive help and try not to comment on the financial amounts, as that is something between the two of them.

missmontana

Its like she says tho, the ex wanted the child to go to a certain nursery and have horse riding lessons, I guess the same will be expected for the other child and the new baby...
The money is for the children to have a good life, not for her!

Honest_broker07

if what you are asking for is £200 more than CSA figure then adding in 1 child will only increase the CSA payment by 5%. but you are saying it will be £200 more than he's paying ( so a £400 difference )

now if you are saying that 5% of his salary is £400 a month that means he's taking home over £8,000 a month :eek: :eek: :eek:

CSA is 15% 1 child, 20% for 2 and 25% for 3 or more

jacklink

you say your 'offering' is 1 evening a week to start with, why is it that you seemingly think you can play god with children and why does daddy need time to get to know his kids again, its always baffled me (fair enough maybe after a very long time span of years) but come on, is it not about do as i say im in control here cos i have the tools to do it with?