question:- I'm mortgage free. should my girlfriend pay me rent ?

cuba2008

mrstinchcombe asked if justwonderin25's girlfriend would have any legal rights to a property he owned outright before they met. Well, a friend of mine is married to a man who was married before. He had owned his home for years before he met his first wife (she didn't work during the marriage although there were no children so he effectively kept her) and, when they divorced, because of her unreasonable behaviour I might add, the judge awarded her a lump sum. To pay her off, my friend's now-husband had to take out a quite sizeable mortgage on his previously mortgage-free home. Not fair I know, but then life isn't fair.
And by the way, I don't think you should be charging your girlfriend rent - open a joint account and each put in enough every month to take care of all the bills, evenings out etc. Much fairer and makes you feel more like a couple and less of a business arrangement.

[Deleted User]

What a lot of pages and post - I've read many pages (but not the whole lot).

Personally - I'd be hurt if you asked me to move in and then you charged me rent on a mortgage free house. And if I still wanted to live with you I'd suggest you sell up and we find a new place together - half/half. Whether you paid your half off in full or with the mortgage would be entirley up to you.

It would be good to pose this question as a poll - I'm not sure I know how to do that. There seems some very different opinions on here, and it'd be nice to see where the majority lies.

Cleany

Financially_Stable wrote: »

My BF lives as a lodger - WE DO NOT LIVE AS A COUPLE - he has his room with his stuff in and I have my room and the rest of the house. He pays a lodger's rent which is very reasonable and includes all bills.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goPxm-ftrko

Financially_Stable wrote: »

Why should he benefit from my inheritance? The reason we don't have a normal relationship is that I don't trust anyone other than myself, I am alone in the world and only have me to look after. I've been in a major relationship before and lost thousands. I am being careful and prudent.

You admit that your attitude and practice in this situation is based on something that went wrong in the past.

It hardly needs to be said that attitudes and actions that are caused by trauma and trouble in the past are bad if not extremely bad and simply perpetuate the original problem, sharing it with other people against their will. if you went to a psychiatrist about this or any other problem that had caused mistrust in your life he would attempt to remove the influences of the problem.

However you (and others) are perfectly happy and open about letting these past problems influence your decision and advice to other people, even calling it "good advice" and "sensible" or "realistic", as if others who are able to trust and love openly are living in some sort of fantasy world.

That's unhealthy.

I sympathise with you and your problems, and i understand why you need to act in the way you do. however there are many people who are able to openly love and trust others (especially their partners), even after an experience such as yours.

It is indulgent to expect others to act in a way which is selfish and prohibits them for having a more trustful, and ultimately better relationship, just because you or anyone else has had a bad experience.

Cleany

justwondering25 wrote: »

if she lived at my place rent free based on my past hard work to become mortgage free

seriously?

for the priviledge of living with you, she needs to pay for your past?

can you tell us - has your girlfriend read any of this?

thsths

dave2 wrote: »

b) Some couples primarily use a joint account and each gets more or less half the spare income to spend on themselves.

There is another option: you have a joint account, and you both use it responsibly. I think that is the best option - but you both need to be able to budget wisely, or it could end in disaster.

thsths

Domino9 wrote: »

Personally - I'd be hurt if you asked me to move in and then you charged me rent on a mortgage free house. And if I still wanted to live with you I'd suggest you sell up and we find a new place together - half/half. Whether you paid your half off in full or with the mortgage would be entirley up to you.

As I said much earlier, you could just buy half of the house, if he is happy with it (and the house is big enough, of course). Either way, both of you have to figure out how to take shared responsibility for the house.

durster2006

Moving in with your girlfriend means you are ready to your relationship to the next level. The level before you commit to a marriage. You wouldn't charge your wife rent. So you shouldn't charge your girlfriend rent. Live in separate houses or move in togther.

Split the bills tough.

If its too big an issue. I'd Re mortgage buy another property let the rent from property 2 pay for itself. and you both share the bills (including the new mortgage for property 1). Again thats would a proper couple would do.

Thegreatestislove

Hels50 wrote: »

Get married and share your lives (and finances) fully or live on your own. Living together in an uncommitted relationship is a recipe for disagreement, heartache and tears.

This reminded me of the story of a young prosperous man who asked Jesus for some advice on how to get eternal life. Jesus asked him some questions about what standards he lived by and then made this judgement - "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

The point of the story is that there is more to life than money. Equally there is more to love than money. :j

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.... When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

durster2006

durster2006 wrote: »

Moving in with your girlfriend means you are ready to your relationship to the next level. The level before you commit to a marriage. You wouldn't charge your wife rent. So you shouldn't charge your girlfriend rent. Live in separate houses or move in togther.

Split the bills tough.

If its too big an issue. I'd Re mortgage buy another property let the rent from property 2 pay for itself. and you both share the bills (including the new mortgage for property 1). Again thats would a proper couple would do.

Scratch that. I would already have re mortgaged and I'd make her split the mortgage as a normal couple would.

justwondering25

LucyTheDwarf wrote: »

Everyone seems to be harping on about the OP "profiting" from his GF moving in with him, if charging rent. They seem to suggest he's wanting her to move in for the rent money. Look at it from the other point of view - maybe the girlfriend is "profiting" by moving in rent free. It'd be saving her what she currently pays. Maybe she only wants to move in for a free ride!

I don't for one minute think either scenario above is what's happening here, for the record. It would just be good if everyone looked at it from both points of view, rather than just condemning the OP - who I think has been rather brave to open this discussion up to us. I don't think it's unromantic or indicative that they don't love each other - it's sensible. How many relationships are ruined because people just won't discuss money?



I really liked the quote about life being a business, and interpreted it totally different to you. I took it to mean that Life is about making a profit in the long run (not necessarily a financial profit - happiness, love, and a well lived life are the profit to me following the cost which is the time and effort put in to get these things); money being the bricks is the sad truth of our age - you can't get much without money, and lack of money is apt to ruin pretty much everything, and earning and saving a little money creates a foundation for everything you want in life, not saying money brings happiness, but I am saying that lack of money brings unhappiness; and then Love is the mortar - well that's rather sweet, I think, if it's love that keeps your life holding together, gives you strength.

I've never been good at these things, but that incoherent rambling is just how I interpreted it.

Thank you lucy , your on the same page as me with the life been a business