after after 7 years someone tells me that i have a child with her

netiela

Hello
I would like some advice about a situation that im involved lately.
About 8 years ago, i was with someone for about 6 months,mot seeing her very often,, she feld pregnant at that time,, i asked her to have an abortion because i didnt want a beby at that time, and she promised me that she dit it, i wasnt there with her when she had it done, cos i was living in london and she was living in portsmooth.After that we started arguen, having problems, so we left each-other, she went in her way and i in mine.
I got married, i have a son, happy family preaty much.
And just 1 year ago this person send an email to my wife that she knows me and she has a girl with me. This was a shock for my wife but it was more as shock for me, cos i belived her when she told me that she had the abortion at that time.When i spoke with my ex , and i aked her about the abortion, she told me that she never had it.Had a lot of arguments with each other.
And after that we decidet to meet the girl,( me and me wife) and it was before christmas 2009. we meet each other, i cant say that i had that feeling as a parent for her, but i fealt sorry for her, cos she is inocent. At christmas time me and my wife bought a lot of presernts for her ,including clothes and toys, presty much about £370 It was ok, cos i was thinking to catch up for these years, the girl is 7 yrs old now. But what shocked me was that when she opend the present, het mum didnt liked one of the skirts which i got it at primark, and it was the only thing that ive got it there cos i liked it.She send me a text calling me cheap man, and a lot of different names.And how i see it, is that she needs to appriciate what i did for her, without being sure that she is mine, but anyway i could be wrong. So after that we started arguing again, etc etc. Then we decidet, that i can pay £100 a munth for her,Before that a paid around £400 to help her with clothes and etc for her, which she accepted. Than she changed her mind again telling me that i dont want your money, and im applying for csa, so she opend a case with them, first lying to them that i had my name in her birth certificate, which is not true, than she started pushing me that if i dont see her she is guna contact my family members, and she did that via facebook. this really frustated me cos no one new about, eccept my wife, cos i wasnt ready to tell no one about it, but she did it for me, and this really maked me angry. So i stoped seeing the little girl just because of her,,,i just dont trust her at all, she is one of the most evil people in the world i think.as soon as i start accepting or have a realitionship with the girl she is gona drop something out that ruins everything,like telling me that she still has fellings for me...but to me is sick ,cos she knows i am happily married.And she is married too.
Than for the girl birthday in february, i send her a present, which it cost me around £100, thinking that even if i dont ever see her ,,i will always remember her at christmas and her birthday. Anyway she thankd me for that.
Now as i said she involved the csa, and they are telling me that i need to pay money for her, even that i dont figure in her birth certificate.
So what i need to know is that,, can they push me to do the dna test. even if i dont want to??
And if i dont figure out in her birth certificate, can they get money from me??
So preaty much im asking you to sugest me about everything, that u may think i need to do ,,about my rights, about everything cos this is really efecting me and my family.
Thank you all

speedster

as a Non Resident Parent (NRP) you have no rights with the csa i'm afraid.

i would demand a DNA test as you are not on the BC, then if it turns out you aren't the father then end of problem.

if they offer you one and you refuse, they'll just take 15% of your net income for the next 10 years or so. no questions.

they don't care if you're the father or not, they just want the money.

Kimitatsu

You currently have no rights at all, if you are not named on the birth certificate (you wont be because you would have had to go with her to register the birth) then you have no parental responsibility.

Why would you not take a DNA test? The liability for the CSA only starts at the beginning of the claim and unless your daughter is your spitting image then I would strongly advise taking one, otherwise you could end up paying for a child that is not yours.

IMO I would not give your ex another penny until parentage is proven, because it sounds to me like she just sees you as a source of income.

kelloggs36

Have the CSA asked you if you accept whether you are the natural parent of the child? If you have already accepted paternity, then you will have no choice but to pay or to get private DNA tests done if you are unsure. If you have not had any correspondence from the CSA, then you can deny paternity and have a DNA test. If you refuse then you will be assumed to be the parent. Also, if the CSA have been in contact but not done an assessment DO NOT give her any money or anything else - put the 15% aside in case you are found to be the father, then you won't have arrears and you will be able to pay off all that you owe in one go.

I seriously hope you haven't accepted paternity with the CSA yet, as you may find lots of brick walls sprouting up if you want to contest parentage.

Good luck, and don't let her manipulate you.

AnxiousMum

First of all, glad that your wife is being supportive of you in this - what a shake up to the family.

Great advice given above - get the paternity test done so you can be sure that it is in fact your child, as there is no long term built relationship - I think that woudl be foremost on my mind at the moment. Then you can get into a relationship knowing the truth and getting to know your daughter.

With regards to the CSA, start putting aside the amount that you will need to be paying if an order is made against you. That way, it won't be a financial hardship on you when you get the arrears bill from the time that she has put in a claim, and if it turns out to be negative, then you, your wife and your own child will have money aside for a holiday to help put it all behind you. Good luck!

netiela

Thank you for all your answers,,,,but if i do the DNA test how much money will the CSA get from my income,,is it the same 15 % or more than that????
I never said to the CSA that im the father, i just explained them all the story ,,and i really dont trust her, cos at the time that we were together she sleept with others thats why we seperated...
And to tell you the truth the way that she acts,,,it doesnt make me to feel as a father for that little girl, she just pushes me awey.Its not nice to say this, but e really dont want to have a relationship with the girl at all.

netiela

I dont want to sound selfish,,but the only reason why i dont want to have a relationship with the girl,its because of her mum,,,like the other day she send me a text asking money to get a DSI for her. I send her a text back ,telling that i dont want to get a DSI to her, cos i cant efort it and i sugested her to get some books for her not a DSI. and her answer was,
" its her f...... money, she cant do what ever she wants with them......thats why i say that i cant have this relationship with her,,,cos the life is long ,,and i dont want to argue all my life with her ,,,i got a family to take care.

netiela

I just want to know whats gona be the diference if i do the DNA, or if i dont??
So how much will CSA get from my income in ether way??
And if i do the DNA will i need to sign anything, like birth certficate, even if i dont want to??
So i just wont to compare the difference to these 2 options,,,cos i need to choose the best one for me.

Soubrette

netiela wrote: »

I just want to know whats gona be the diference if i do the DNA, or if i dont??

If it is positive then it will make no difference as if you refuse the CSA will assume you are the parent.

If it is negative then you will not be liable for any payments at all.

netiela wrote: »

So how much will CSA get from my income in ether way??

At the moment it is 15% of your net income, you don't get a discount or penalised by asking for a DNA test.

netiela wrote: »

And if i do the DNA will i need to sign anything, like birth certficate, even if i dont want to??

Assuming the test is positive - just because you are liable for child maintenance payments does not automatically give you parental rights, you will not be forced to have a relationship with the child either. Access, parental rights and child maintenance are different issues.

netiela wrote: »

So i just wont to compare the difference to these 2 options,,,cos i need to choose the best one for me.

You will not be penalised for wanting a DNA test and it would give reassurance that the child is yours or is not yours.

If you choose not to have a DNA test then the child will be assumed to be yours based on the mother's word.

Sou

simpywimpy

If you dont do a DNA you will have to pay the csa

If you DO do the DNA, there is a chance you won't (if child isnt yours)

Whether or not the child is yours, you don't have to go on the birth certificate as far as I know without your permission

simpywimpy

Also, keep a record of any harrassment from the child's mother if it is getting out of hand so you can take action against her if needs be.

It might be worth changing your number and getting yourself and your family to block her on facebook?